Heart to Heart
by topaz addiction
Summary: AU. Everyone is human. Bella and Edward meet on an annual camping trip with a bunch of friends. Throughout the summer they grow closer and help each other with their problems and pasts. T just in case.
1. Setting Up Camp

Bonjour, everyone! This is the new story!  
I hope the wait wasn't too long.

So, this is how this story will work:  
I'm posting this chapter and the next sometime soon. Depending on the feed back I get I will or will not continue it. I don't want to be writing something no one wants to read:S

Disclaimer: I do not own the any of Stephenie Meyer's wonderfull characters! I do, however, own Carma, Toby and Mac!

Enjoy:D

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**Setting Up Camp**

It was July and we were currently driving through a campground looking for our four sites. This was an annual camping trip. It started back when I was in third grade. Back then it had only been me, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Angela and Tyler. And we'd only gone as far as Emmett's backyard. Now we were three hours from home and there were eighteen of us.

The people making up the eighteen now were: me, Emmett, his girlfriend, Rosalie; Alice, Jasper (who was now going out with Alice), Angela and her boyfriend, Ben; Tyler, his little sister Carma and his girlfriend, Lauren; Mike Newton, Jacob Black, Quil Atera, Embry Call, Claire Younge, Toby and his boyfriend Mac and Emmett's cousin, Edward Cullen. All of us – except Carma and Claire who are sixteen – are seventeen.

Alice is my step-sister. Her mother died just after giving birth to her. My mom, Renee, married her father, Charlie. My biological father disappeared a week after my mom told him she was pregnant. We're closer than most biological siblings are. We bring her mother flowers once a month and she helped me realize my biological father wasn't someone I should worry about finding back when I was ten.

Emmett is my best friend. He has been ever since he stood up to a bully for me when I was five. He knows everything about me. And when I say everything I mean right down to when I'm on my period.

I can hardly remember a time when Alice and Jasper weren't together. The first thing she'd ever said to him was: "Wanna be together forever?" and he'd replied with, "Yes." They've been together for eleven years. We all think they should elope and get married. They say they don't need marriage.

Jacob is Charlie's best friend's son. He's basically my brother. I've spend more summer nights there than I'd like to count. I spent a week there the first time he'd been dumped.

Angela is a sweet person who doesn't know how to be mean to anyone. Tyler, Jasper and Emmett used to be pretty close but Tyler has drifted away from them more each year. Mike has been asking me out once a month – at the very least – since seventh grade. Apparently he didn't get it when I said,

"Sorry, Mike. I don't like you that way. Please stop asking me out. It makes me uncomfortable."

Finally we found our sites. The living arrangements for the next four days were as follows:

Campsite A: 2 tents. Jasper and Alice in one and Emmett and Rosalie in the other.

Campsite B: 2 tents. Jacob and Bella in one and Claire, Carma, Quil and Embry in the other.

Campsite C: 2 tents. Mike and Edward in one and Toby and Mac in the other.

Campsite D: 2 tents. Tyler and Lauren in one and Angela and Ben in the other.

Jake and I had our tent up second last. With him so tall and me so short it was difficult for us to help each other. Usually it just ended in us rolling around in fits of laughter.

The last ones to get their tent up were Edward and Mike. That was mostly due to the fact that Mike kept glaring at Jacob and me laughing together. It was ridiculous because if Mike knew me at all he'd know that Jake and I were more siblings than anything.

It was only five when everything on each camp was fully set up. We still had about four hours for sunlight. Jake was lying in our tent nearly sleeping.

"I'll wake you up for supper." I told him as I kissed his forehead and then got up and left the tent. I had to go through Toby and Mac's site to get to Emmett's. As I went past Mike's tent I tripped on a particularly well hidden root. I started to fall forward so I put out my hands to brace myself and closed my eyes. But I never hit the ground.

Instead I hit someone's arms. I looked up to see Emmett's cousin. His eyes were twinkling with amusement but his mouth was set in a straight line. He pushed me back to a standing position.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, thanks for catching me. The ground and I are pretty good friends, but I wasn't really up to visiting him right then." Then a deep warm chuckle was coming from his mouth. My cheeks turned tomato red and I scowled at him. He put on a half smile.

"I'm sorry for laughing at you, but Emmett has told me a lot about you. Your relationship with the ground has come up a few times. I thought he was exaggerating. I see now he wasn't." my blush deepened.

"No, he definitely didn't exaggerate." I managed to squeak out. He chuckled once again as he ran his hand through his messy brow hair.

"We haven't really been formally introduced. Hello, I'm Edward Cullen." He reached his hand out and mine met his so we could shake hands.

"It's very nice to meet you, Edward. I'm Isabella Swan. But everyone calls me Bella."

"Well then, Bella, It's a pleasure to meet you. I hope we can talk and get to know each other a bit more." I giggled at his formal speech.

"I hope so, too." I told him and there was something in the back of mind saying, _I don't want to let go of his hand!_ He pulled back first.

"I'm staying at Emmett's for the rest of July. We'll probably have tons of time to get to know each other." And the voice in the back of my head squealed like a little girl and started dancing. Why should I be so excited that he's staying? I hardly know him at all.

"Yes, we'll probably be together so much that you'll get incredibly sick of me."

"I don't think that's possible, Bella." he smiled at me and I blushed again while attempting to smile back and breath at the same time. _Okay, Bella, get out of here before you make a complete fool of yourself! _

"I'm just going over to talk to Emmett for a bit. I'll see you later."

"Okay, see you later, then." I threw him one last smile and then walked off to Emmett's tent.


	2. Guilt

Yay, next chapter!  
There is a character mentioned in here that hasn't been before. You'll get to learn more about him in following chapters.  
Um...yep, that's all for now! Oh! Except:

Disclaimer: Do not own Stephenie Meyer's creations, nor do I own Pretty in Pink. It's just an awesome movie.

Enjoy!

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**Guilt**

When I got to Emmett's tent I was glad to see he wasn't preoccupied with Rosalie.

"Hey, Duckie." He greeted me. My nickname is in honor of my favourite movie character, Duckie, from _Pretty in Pink_. I'd gone through an entire obsession with him. I was still secretly obsessed with him, but if I kept it quiet I was spared the humiliating jokes and the blushes.

"Hi, Em. Your tent is all set up I see." He nodded and then motioned for me to follow him in.

"Welcome to the palace of McCarty." Rose was stretched out across their blow-up mattress. She lifted her head enough to see me and then let it fall again.

"Hey, Bella." she said.

"Hello. You look like you're about to pass out, Rose. Maybe you should take a nap." She closed her eyes and smiled.

"Good idea. Emmett, get out of the tent, I'm taking a nap." He huffed but did as he was told, beckoning for me to follow. I laughed at the way he obeyed.

"Sleep tight, Rosie." He whispered as he zipped the tent shut. "Are your tent and campsite all set up?" he asked.

"Yes, Jake's napping and I think Carma and Claire were asking Embry and Quil to go to the beach last time I saw them. Carm and Embry seem to be hitting it off." I said, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. Emmett laughed and sat down at his campsite's picnic table. I sat beside him and he turned to face me.

"And how are you?" I frowned.

"Don't, Emmett. I'm finally in the one place that I can forget everything and have fun. Please don't make me talk about my feelings. I'll always be broken, you can't fix that. Just let me use this trip as temporary Scotch tape." His eyes looked so pained that I had to look away.

"Bella, don't talk like that. You will not be broken forever. One day you'll find someone who will put you back together properly." I decided it wasn't the time to argue.

"Okay, Emmett. I believe you." He looked like a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

"And when you find him I'll be waiting to interrogate the hell out of him, he better be as perfect as Prince Charming." I laughed lightly at him.

"When he shoes up I'll be sure to point him in your direction before anyone else's. Actually, you wouldn't mind terribly if Jake got into the intimidation, would you? I'm sure he'd jump at the chance."

"It's not an intimidation, Duckie, it's an interrogation. There's a difference."

"For anyone but you and Jacob. You're too big to be unscary to outsiders." I countered. He laughed at my reasoning.

"Whatever you say, kid. I'm going up to the front desk to get a few bags of firewood. Want to come?"

"Nah, I'm just going to hang around here for now."

"Okay, I'll be back soon." He said before he got into his father's red pick-up truck and drove off. I didn't move from my spot. I leaned back against the table's top and closed my eyes.

I could hear faint music a few sites over, some squirrels chattering in the branches, the friendly rustle of wind in the trees and…wait…breathing? My eyes flew open to reveal Jasper and Alice sitting beside me trying entirely too hard not to laugh. I rolled my eyes at them.

"How long have you two been sitting there?" I'm not exactly sure what about that sentence was funny but it had them both leaning on each other laugh hysterically.

There is not a purer sound in the world than Alice and Jasper laughing together. He laughs deeply in short bouts of chuckles. She giggles non-stop in a soprano. It's even better when you know that Jasper never fakes an emotion. He feels each one of them individually, strongly and completely.

Finally they sobered up enough to talk to me.

"Sorry, Bella. It's just so amusing when you zone out." Jasper explained.

"Gee, thanks." I remarked sarcastically.

"We love you, Bella." Alice called as they walked away hand-in-hand. Most of the couples and singulars that had something they wanted to do specifically alone were going off tonight. After this night there would be very little alone time. It was a night I'd spent alone the last two years.

I sat back against the table top again trying hard not to think of why I was alone. I watched the clouds blow into view. They mixed into disfigured shapes and I started to point out pictures. _A sock, a dragon, is that…yes, a Power Ranger, a fish, a toboggan…_

With the thought of that one word a memory came rushing at me like boulders from the top of a cliff.

I was at the top of a snowy hill. Cory's arms were wrapped around my waist.

"Come one, Thumbelina. I promise you that I will never let the ground hurt you." He whispered in my ear.

"Are you going to be my wings, Cornelius?" I whispered back.

"Of course." Then the memory skipped to Cory and me speeding down the hill on a purple, plastic Magic Carpet. It had taken on a mind of its own and it put us on a path that had a tree speeding up to meet us. Cory pushed me off the sled just in time for me to miss impact.

He hit the tree. He came out of the collision with only a few scraps and a minor bump on his head but the memory bit at my heart and bunched my stomach up into knots. Tears stung at my eyes and a sob clawed its way out. Seeing his face again was torture. He was gone now and he was never coming back. I spend my days suppressing him from my mind. Trying not to let the guilt kill me. I was always causing him pain. If I hadn't asked him over that night –

"Hey, Bella. Me and Mac are going for a walk. We'll be back later. Loves, babe!"

"O-okay, Toby. Loves." It was difficult to squeeze the words past my strangled heart.


	3. Hyper Speed

Eeek! Okay, I'm sorry for the pause in updates there. But real life is butting in. You know, school work and what not. Not to mention I now have to share computer time with my sister. Huff.  
Anyways! So here's some explanation as to who Cory was and the introduction of the Bella/Edward part of the story.

Enjoy!

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**Hyper Speed**

Toby's yell must have been louder than I'd thought. Jacob, Lauren, Tyler, Angela and Ben were all coming out of their tents. Jake looked like he was still sleeping. Tyler and Lauren attached themselves at the lips and walked off. Angela and Ben got into Ben's jeep and called out that they were going to get ice cream as they pulled out.

I hardly took anything in, though, because my mind was still spinning so fast that I couldn't concentrate on anything in the present and real. Jake looked up at me and was immediately walking over to me, waking up as he came. I must have looked pretty bad.

"What's wrong, Bells?" I knew it would be useless to try to tell him not to worry.

"There was a sled shape in the clouds. Do you remember the time he ran into that tree?" he nodded. "I accidentally remembered that night. It hurts, Jacob." I could do nothing but whisper it out. He hugged me tightly and pulled me into his lap. The sob I'd been fighting back took one more blow at my throat and broke through.

Tears ran down my face like a mini water fall. All I could see were obscure shapes. "It hurts, Jacob. It hurts, Jake. Please make it stop. It's my fault. It's my fault he's dead, Jake." I could feel us moving and then I felt warmth and blankets pulled around me.

In the back of my head I knew I was saying the same thing I always did when I remembered Cory thoroughly. I knew they were the same words I'd said the night Cory's parents called and told me about the accident. I knew that once I did get a hold of myself I'd looked into Jacob's face and his helplessness would break my heart again. But I couldn't stop the words. The part of my heart and mind that held me responsible for his death took over.

It was over a stupid Trig test. I needed his help studying and I knew if I asked him he'd be over as soon as he could to help me. So I'd called him and he said he'd get his brother, Ryan, to drive him over as soon as he could. I'd thanked him and told him I loved him and hung up. I didn't bother to check outside, to see that there was a huge snow storm. I didn't turn on the Weather Network and see that roads were bad and everyone should stay in there houses.

When Cory wasn't at my house after a half an hour I knew something was wrong. He always did everything he could to get to me fast. I started to worry. After an hour I was biting my nails and pacing the kitchen floor while Alice tried to get me to eat one of her cookies. Then the phone rang. I still remember the exact words his mother said to me.

"Bella, I…Cory and Ryan…there was an accident, Bella," then she broke down into tears and her husband took the phone and said,

"There was an accident. The roads were bad and Ryan lost control of the car. They went off the shoulder. The car hit a tree. Cory…Cory died on impact." I remember that I never heard what happened to Ryan. I was already on the floor trying to breath.

Jacob's arms were wrapped around me and I was drenching his shirt in tears.

"It was a snow the day the next day, Jacob! I didn't even need to study for that damn test!" he tried to calm me by whispering comforting things to me, but I couldn't process the words he was saying.

I must have eventually cried myself to sleep because the next semi-coherent thing that happened was me opening my eyes and it was dark. Jacob's arms were still around me. I knew why I was here but I could not, under any circumstances, reflect on that. I just needed to get up apologize to Jake and go on with the day.

Jake was awake and he was staring at me. He knew the exact routine after an episode. He kept the sadness from his eyes and smiled a little at me as I sat up and rubbed sleep from my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jake. It wasn't supposed to happen here. I probably ruined your whole day."

"Shut up, Bella. You didn't ruin my day. I live to help you, you know that. Come on, they've got a fire going. Want some marshmallows." I frowned at him. I hated when he said things like that. It always made my settling feelings in me stir up a little more. I hated being the source of his pain. I'd hurt too many other people. But I didn't want to start arguing with him. Especially right now.

"Sure, marshmallows sound good." He helped me to my feet. I bunched up my messy hair into a ponytail and we went to over to Mike and Edward's site. They had a fire going and chairs set up all around it. There were two empty ones and Jake and I took them. Edward was on my right hand side and Jake on my left.

The group tensed a bit as I sat down. They all knew why I hadn't been around this afternoon. Their thinking was that I was a stick of dynamite, at this point, just waiting to be lit. It made everyone nervous, which made me feel even worse.

"Hey, guys. Good nap?" Emmett called from the opposite side of the circle.

"Yep, all refreshed." Jacob told him. Emmett laughed and turned the stick he was roasting a marshmallow on. Everyone else calmed with his laughter. I was thankful I had Emmett to make everything lighter.

Edward turned to me with a stick held out in my direction with a golden, gooey marshmallow on the end. It was a masterpiece!

"Do you want mine? I don't think I can eat another one. I've already had ten." I couldn't let this art go to waste.

"Yeah, I'll have it," I said as I pulled the warm marshmallow off the end of the stick. Our eyes met as I put the golden pocket to my mouth and I forgot what I was doing. His eyes were deep pits that captured every one of my senses and rendered them numb. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. They blocked me out completely in that aspect. But I could see a difficult past. Maybe as difficult as mine. Maybe more so.

We were brought back to the real world when an uncooked hotdog hit the side of my head. I turned to see Emmett staring at us.

"Hey! Well, thanks for landing at Planet Earth International. There will be no trip out of orbit for another three months, so enjoy your stay!" I could feel my face go as red as the fire. I pulled the oversized sweater I was wearing up over my face. Everyone laughed and the blush deepened. After a few minutes a hand grasped my sweater and pulled it back down over my head. I looked to see that the hand was attached to an arm that was attached to Edward's shoulder.

"Don't be embarrassed. These guys are just protective. They don't want anyone to get close enough to hurt you." Is that what we'd been doing? Getting close? I thought back to our eyes locking and realized I had been allowing myself to get close to a boy. A new one that I knew nothing about for that matter! Of course they'd be protective. I looked around us to see that everyone had forgotten the incident for now. They were all talking and laughing now.

"You don't understand the half of it."

"Neither do you," he countered.

We stared at each other for a few more seconds before Edward reached out and took my hand in his. Our chairs were close enough that if we just let our arms hang off the arms of our chairs, no one would see our hands together.

I didn't try and pull back when his hand folded around mine. My heart screamed, "Are you crazy?! That's not his hand to hold! Make him let go right now!" But my mind bellowed, "You need this. Try to let go. You know he won't hurt you." I didn't know how I knew, I just did. I could see that he wouldn't hurt me. In his eyes I could see his turmoil. Thought, I didn't understand it all that thoroughly at the time.

There was a mix of unknowing and disbelief all crowded around this ball of scared. Apparently this was new to both of us.

We didn't talk much over the next hour or so. But it was as if we didn't need to. Like we could talk by just touching. His skin was rough. There was a deep scar over his third knuckle. His grasp was strong but it didn't hurt. It was tense, though, like he was holding on for dear life. I'm not sure what my hand told him, but I know it gave away some secrets. Like the piece of string I kept around my middle finger so that I would never forget Cory.

When I announced I was tired, Jacob got up to come to bed too and Edward stood up with me. Hands still clasped. Everyone stared but I didn't care. His touch made me feel stable in an unexplainable way. At the tent he didn't saying anything, just hugged me tightly for a brief second and then went back to the fire.

Jacob eyed me wearily as I watched Edward walk away.

"Um, I think I might be lost. Would you mind filling in some blanks for me?"

"I can't, Jake. I need to figure out everything for myself first." He only stared at me. Finally he reached over and pulled me into a huge, bone-crushing hug.

"Don't get hurt, Bella," he whispered in my ear. Then he released me and we got into bed. Jake feel asleep almost instantly, snoring away without a care. I stared at the tent's roof for a while trying to figure out what was happening. Everything was moving in hyper speed. Could Edward really help me come back together? Could I help him in what ever way he seemed to need me?


	4. At The Beach

Gah! I'm so sorry that it's taking me so much time to update. I think I may have mentioned previously that my sister has found the wonder of the computer. Huff. I don't really like this chapter much, I thought it was better in my head. I don't know, you guys tell me what you think!

Enjoy!

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**At The Beach**

The next day came and we were packing for the beach. We were only taking Ben's jeep and Emmett's truck. Two blankets, a cooler, eighteen towels, a charcoal barbeque and seven people were jammed into the truck's bed. I was driving the jeep with Edward beside me and Toby, Mac and Jacob in the back. Mike was driving the truck with Emmett and Rosalie beside him; Angela, Ben and Lauren in the back seat and Quil, Embry, Carma, Claire, Alice, Jasper and Tyler in the bed. Everyone was whooping and hollering, pumped to spend a day under the glowing sun and on the burning hot sand.

"Mike!" I called out to the truck. "You ready to go?"

"Ready and waiting!" he yelled back. I was in such high spirits I couldn't even find room to be annoyed at him as his eyes lingered on my bikini top.

"Woo, let's go!" Emmett boomed. I started the jeep and slowly drove my way out of the campsites before nearly flooring it when we reached the country roads outside of the camp's grounds. If I was a normal person I would be nauseated by the thought of the ability to lose control of a car. Especially after Cory. But I am the complete opposite. Driving fast makes me feel closer to him. Any high risk makes me feel close to him, but mostly driving.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me as I broke the speed limit. I wasn't sure what his thought process was, though. I had no idea if he thought I was a raging lunatic or maybe a bad-ass with no regard for the law. Either way it didn't matter.

I felt like I wasn't earthbound when the wind whipped around my head. When it blew my long hair out behind me. When it made my eyes sting. When the sting turned to watering eyes. When I could hear Cory say, "Don't worry, I'll be your wings, Thumbelina." Just like always used to when something was difficult. When those watering eyes turned to crying eyes. But then the parking lot for the beach was in sight so I slowed to the speed limit and wiped away my tears like everyone else did.

There weren't many people on the beach yet so we took the opportunity to take a spot half shaded half sunny. It really was a perfect beach day. Once everything was set up I pulled of my jeans shorts and before I could do anything else I was lifted into the air and slung over a shoulder. I shrieked and looked to see russet skin. Jacob had me and was bounding into the water, letting out a whooping war cry as he did so.

"Jacob, what the hell are you doing?" we reached deeper water before I could say anything else and he dumped me into the water. It was more refreshing than cold. I came up and flung my hair out of my eyes and then flopped onto my back to float around.

"Awe, Bella! You were supposed to get angry! My fun has been ruined." I grinned up at the sun.

"Sorry, Jake. Maybe next time." he made a scoffing noise and then swam off to find someone else to annoy.

* * *

I paddled around on my back, checking once and a while to make sure I hadn't strayed too far from our beach spot. I listened to all the laughter and the chatter build as more and more people arrived.

As I floated in one spot with my eyes closed, listening to a little girl learn how to swim, Edward came up and flipped onto his back beside me.

"You've got a need for speed?"

"I guess that's one way to put it." It was quiet for a moment.

"Bella…what happened yesterday? No one will tell me. It's killing me inside, I know you were hurting. The thought of that makes me want to do crazy thing, Bella." My body tensed and I had to stand up to keep from drowning. Edward stood up with me and put his hands on my shoulders. "Never mind, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

A fog was threatening to take over my mind and wrap me up in another memory of Cory. I grabbed hold of Edward's forearms and used them as anchors to reality.

"Please don't bring that up while we're still camping."

"That's fine. I won't say anything else about it." he must have understood that dwelling on the past can hurt. I felt for him because only someone who's had a bad past can truly understand why lingering can scorch. He pulled me into a hug that lasted much longer than the one the night before. I continued to use him as anchor until I'd successfully fought back the fog. But it felt like I was using him more as a magnet. It was like our bodies, minds and souls were pulling together. I pulled back slightly when I won the battle.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." His voice was for me only.

"No, it's alright, I promise. You were great right now, though. You really helped me. Thank you, hopefully you'll never have to do it again." His eyes seemed to turn darker.

"I know how it feels. I'm always here, don't forget that, okay? I want to help any way I can." I probably should have smiled and thanked him, but I didn't need to. Our eyes seemed to connect and have a not-conversation about holding on and letting go. We both had a lot to learn from the other.

Our eye conversation was broken by Alice.

"Bella, Edward! We're having lunch! Do you want ham or turkey on your sandwiches?!" she was jumping around on the sandy shore, waving her arms to get our attention. I fell against Edward, laughing. I felt his deep laugh vibrate against mine. He took my hand we walked to the sand laughing and leaning on each other.

I'm pretty sure everyone stared at us as ate, but I couldn't have cared less. I knew it was weird for them to see me opening up in any way to someone I didn't really know.

Edward and I both had turkey sandwiches with lettuce and sloppy mayonnaise. We both grabbed a handful of the regular chips I brought. We sat on our towels side by side and started eating. We didn't say anything, just stared out at the water.

Then a chip hit my arm. I looked over at Edward to see him staring intently at a dog playing in the water. Looking _too_ innocent. _Two can play at this game_. I shrugged my shoulders and turned back to watching a sand-castle being built. Slowly I picked up one of my own chips. I flicked it his way and heard a satisfying _plack_ as it hit him.

In my peripheral vision I saw him smile at me and look straight ahead again. I felt another chip hit my thigh. I didn't bother looking over; I just picked up a chip and threw it at him. There was a short pause.

"Hey, Bella, I keep getting hit with chips. Do you know who's throwing them?"

"Nope," I answered without hesitation.

"Okay, thanks." A few seconds went by and a chip landed in my hair and stayed there. I narrowed my eyes and looked over at him. I shook my head and the chip fell out. He almost looked too peaceful to bug and for a moment I wondered if I ever looked that calm when I was up here – most of the time anyway. I picked up a few chips and dropped them on his head without looking away. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Are you declaring war?" he questioned.

"That's exactly what I'm doing." He smirked and his eyes twinkled.

"Bring it on, babe."

After that we raged a full out chip war against each other. We used up my whole bag of chips and then ended up back in the water, floating around again.

* * *

As the sun went down Jacob and I battled Angela and Ben in a chicken war for the final time. We won because of Jacob's height. We had the upper hand and we used it to keep our reigning championship every year. I dropped off his shoulders and high-fived him. Then I turned to Angela and shook her hand and then Ben's.

"Good game." I told them.

"We'll get you two next year!" Ben said as he and Angela swam to the shore.

"Good team work, partner!" Jake laughed and picked me up and swung me around. I laughed along with him when he put me down. Then we walked out of the water.

Tyler, Jasper and Emmett were preparing food in an assembly line type thing. Tyler flipped the meat patties on the grill, Jasper would put a finished on one side of a bun and leave the top off on the side of the plate and Emmett would put a scoop of salad on each plate. Everyone was taking Emmett's finished product and putting what they wanted on the burger. I grabbed a plate for myself and sat down in an unoccupied fold out chair.

I took huge bites of food, I was starving. Me and Edward's chip fight had cut our lunch short and the seagulls had gotten to our food before either of us could surrender. This was really the first thing I'd eaten since breakfast. I was startled by Alice plopping down in front of me.

"Jeez, Ali. Nice of you to drop by. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing," she said and she smiled at me with a look in her eye that told me otherwise. I gave her a questioning look and then averted my gaze to a Frisbee game going on between Edward and Mike. It looked as thought they were throwing with as much force as they could muster. I could see them shake off the pain as the Frisbee connected with their palms with resounding smacks.

It made me frown. It didn't look like a nice game between friends, more like a mercy challenge between opposing forces.

"Actually, Bella, I do want to talk to you about something." Alice was still sitting cross-legged in front of me, staring straight into my eyes.

"Okay, shoot," I said to her while taking another bite of my hamburger.

"What's going on with Edward?" I sighed. I knew she'd bring it up eventually, I just wished she's waited until I knew the answer.

"I don't even know. I know something happening and I can tell you that it's scaring the shit out of me. I feel guilty and relieved all at the same time. I think he can help me, Alice. And I think he might need my help. That scares me even more. I feel things I haven't felt in two years and I don't know if I should.

"Sometimes when I'm around him it's like I don't have a past. No, that's a bad way to describe it. It's like can get over the past. Lay it to rest. But as soon as the thought comes I feel like a lousy person. I hardly know him. I've hardly been around him. Everything is moving so fast. Earlier today I used him to not remember, Alice! I can't move fast enough it keep up." Alice had put a hand on my knee and she had an all knowing look in her eyes like she usually did.

"Bella, trust me. Thing's are going to line up properly. You just have to remember two things. One, things have to get worse before they can get better and two, Cory loved to see you happy, no matter what it took. Do understand?" I nodded and she stood up and hugged me.

One thing I never ever did was bet against Alice. She had an uncanny way of knowing how certain situations would turn out.


	5. Breaking Streaks

I am so sorry! Please don't hate me for the inconsistent updates!I don't really have any reasons for not having updated quickly expect that it took me a while to write this. It's the longest chapter I've ever done I think. Hopefully it lives up to everyone's standards!Read and review and such! 

Disclaimer: I do not own _Interviewwith aVampire_.But I do own Jenny's ice cream parlor:D Oh, and I own nothing Twilight related. 

Enjoy:)

* * *

**Breaking Streaks**

The next morning I woke up because Jacob rolled over and his arm landed across my chest, cutting off my air supply. He hardly stirred as I pushed it off me and dropped it beside me. Light was soaking through the nylon of the tent. It would be a nice day again. I could hear birds twittering. There were two voices outside on our site. I listened in for a few moments. 

"I just moved here in December. My aunt Emily lives on the reservation. Her husband is Sam. He owns an-" 

"Auto repair shop. I know, me, Embry and Jake work for him." Oh, it was Quil and Claire. 

"Wow, small world." 

"You bet. I was just going to do a lap or two around this section of the campground. Do you run?" 

"Since I was coordinated enough! Mind if I come? I promise to keep up." Quil laughed a little. 

"Sure, don't worry about keeping up. I'll slow down for you if you want." 

"Not necessary. I'll keep up." Claire was good for Quil; she could put him in his place. I heard feet scuffling and then it went quiet again. I rolled out of my sleeping bag and threw on an extra pair of socks and a sweater as bitter morning air nipped at my exposed skin. I put on my shoes and slipped out of the tent. I looked along our campsites to see who was awake. Over in Emmett's site was the only sign of life. It must have been earlier than I expected. 

Jasper, Alice, Edward and Mac were sitting around a not-lit fire pit. Alice was asking Jasper over and over again in a scratchy voice to start a fire. He must not have been fully awake because he didn't do anything and I know for a fact Jasper would blow up the world if Alice asked him to. 

I could see no one was going to start a fire anytime soon, so I bent down and started to gather kindling. I placed it in the fire pit and started to arrange the little sticks and twigs. I stuck scrunched up newspaper in some of the gaps. No one said anything; they knew I could make a fire. 

"What are you doing?" a voice asked me. It was soft and deep. Rough from sleep but still incredibly appealing. I knew it was Edward immediately. 

"I'm starting the fire," I said without turning around. I tee-peed a few logs around the kindling and then turned to the person who'd been talking. He was sitting beside me now. "Do you have a lighter?" he reached into his pocket and drew out a bright red one. I arched an eyebrow at him. He shrugged his shoulders. 

"Why are you doing this? It seems dangerous to me." I glared over at him.

"How so?" 

"You confirmed the other day that you are quite unstable on your feet. What if you tripped into the flames while you put more wood on?" I smiled smugly at him. 

"I'll have you know that while I'm camping I'm in my element and at the lowest possible risk for injury. The other day was just some freak accident. I think I was tired." A half grin spread over his face as I spoke and it warmed me from the inside out. 

"Oh, I see," was all he said before shutting up and watching me finish the fire. I got it stared in record time. All the wood was dry from the extreme lack of rain in June. After that Mac got up and started pulling out sausage and eggs and potatoes to make breakfast. He was the best cook there. Sure I could cook but not nearly as well as Mac could. He was going to be a professional cook. That's what he was going to college for.

Jasper had finally woken up and had Alice in his lap holding her close. Angela was up now too and was helping Mac crack eggs and slice potatoes. I looked around to see where Edward had gone and found him leaning against a tree, his back to the campsite. I went over and stood beside him. 

"You probably don't want to stand there right now." Smoke blew out from his mouth. I looked down to his hand and saw a cigarette pinched between two fingers. I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't know anyone important who smoked. 

"Oh," saw all I got out. He put the white stick to his mouth and sucked in its smoke. He held it in for a few second then blew it out. Every health class I'd ever had came back to me and I couldn't stop myself when my mouth started to talk. 

"Do you know how many poisons are in that? Do you know what cancers it causes? It could potentially mess with your sperm. Second-hand smoke increases people's risks of cancer. It stains your fingers and teeth, gives you bad breath and it clings to clothing. It's more addictive than heroine. I wish you wouldn't." I whispered the last part. He sighed, but I knew he couldn't look at me as he said,

"It's not that easy, Bella." 

"Why not? Tell me." 

"My past hurts too, you know." I hadn't thought of that. 

"Sorry, forget I said anything. I don't have the right to tell you what to do anyway. I've only known you for two days." 

"Do you want to make a deal?" 

"Concerning what?" 

"Our pasts." Playing with memories could be disastrous. Especially when I hardly knew the person I was playing with. He didn't know what I was truly like when Cory was talked about. But when I looked into his eyes I could see that he'd given up and he hoped I could rekindle his will to go on and actually live. The intensity and meaning nearly knocked me backwards. I wasn't used to being important. 

"Sure." I managed to whisper. He almost smiled. 

"When we get back to Forks we both spill out guts about our pasts and presents and, if we feel so inclined, our futures." He had an all or nothing, nothing to lose urgency in his voice. And the more I thought about it the more I realized I had nothing to lose with him either. 

"Deal." I couldn't bring myself to smile and neither could he. And with that I was guaranteed a mental break-down in two days tops with a guy I had some strange connection with and hardly knew. But even as I thought that I had to push it away because with Edward it seemed time had no say. The only thing that mattered was that we were together. 

He locked his left pink with my right one, threw the hardly-smoked cigarette to the ground and squished it out with his foot. 

"And I promise to quit. Even if it kills me." We still weren't smiling because we knew the complexity and reality of the words we uttered and agreed to. With our pinkies still meshed together we walked back to the main part of the site. We must have been gone longer than I'd thought because everyone was awake and Quil and Claire were back from their run. 

"So it looks like it's going to be a great day for ice cream and hiking!" Emmett said a little too loudly for everyone's morning ears. Ice cream and hiking was what we did on our third day every year. There was a special place we went for the ice cream. It was cheap and the taste was to die for. 

"But which one first?" he went on. "Let's put it to a vote. All in favor of ice cream first put their hand up." Every one of us – including Emmett who put up two hands – put our hands up. Emmett scanned the crowd with his eyes to count the votes. Edward and I were last and Emmett stared at us, his eyes bugging out of his head. That's when I realized I'd raised the hand with Edward's pinky wrapped in mine into the air. I tried my best not to blush or look away. 

"O-okay. It's unanimous. Ice cream first, hiking after." The only one who noticed Emmett's staring was Rosalie who nudged his side to snap him out of it. Every one else made noises of agreement and went back to eating and talking and stoking the fire. We didn't unhook our pinkies. We walked right over to the fire and helped each other make plates of sausage, eggs and potatoes cooked in paprika. Then we went back to the tree Edward had been smoking at. 

As I started to eat I saw him look over at my face and stare at it intently. Like he was trying to comprehend me. I felt self-conscious and blushed. I looked over and into his eyes. 

"What?" I asked him. 

"What's your favourite colour?" 

"It changes. Right now it's dark blue, like the sky is at twilight here. What's yours?" 

"Green." I blushed as I looked down to see my entire outfit was comprised of various shades of green. 

"Favourite movie?" he asked. 

"_Pretty in Pink_, that's where my nickname came from." 

"What's your nickname?" 

"Duckie." 

"Favourite mythical creature?" 

"It's a tie between vampires and werewolves. You?" 

"Vampires." 

"Oh, I can see some great debates between you and Jake. His favourite is werewolves. He despised vampire-lovers!" I laughed remembering an argument between me and Jake about the disgustingness/amazing-ness of vampires. 

"Why do you like the monsters, why not mermaids or fairies?" 

"My theory is that a lot of them are just angry because they've been dealt a bad hand in life. And there are the select few like Brad Pitt in _Interview with a Vampire_ who do feel remorse and turn to animals instead of humans for blood." 

* * *

They had the largest variety of ice cream in _Jenny's Ice Cream Parlor_. Originals like Peaches and Blueberry, and Strawberry Chocolate chip. Then there were must-haves like plain Chocolate and Cookies 'N' Cream. Then they had sherberts. That's my favourite. Lemon Lime Sherbert, I got it every year and this one was no exception. Jake got Chocolate and ended up having to buy another one because he dropped it while trying to smoosh the tip of it into my nose. It all boils down to karma. Edward got Cherry. I thought it sounded disgusting. I only like cherries as whole fruits picked off a tree. Mike got the same as me. I could tell he hated it. He cringed with each bite. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Edward snickering at him. 

"Can I have a lick?" Emmett had come over and sat beside me on the tailgate of his truck. 

"Sure thing." He bent over and took a mouthful of my ice cream. "God, you hog! Take enough!" 

"Mmm, just enough to get the full taste. Want some of mine?" He'd gotten Banana. 

"Yes." I bit his ice cream, scoop and swallowed. It was sweet and had a great contrast to my citrus cone. But I was disappointed to see the puny hole my mouth left next to his crater sized hole. "Humph! You've got a huge mouth!" 

"I'll even it out, don't worry." And he took a bite out of his ice cream to make our scoops the same size again. I couldn't help but laugh at him. He was such a kid at heart. 

"So I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

"Would that something happen to be Edward?" 

"Um, yes."

"Okay, go ahead." 

"What's exactly is going on between you two. You've been hanging out with him and I can see you smile around him. It's odd, Duckie." I didn't want to freak him out with the _entire_ emotional aspect I'd confided to Alice, so I decided on a condensed version. 

"Something. But I don't think either of us really knows what. It's deep, Em. Please don't scare him away. We need each other." I think I caught him off guard because his eyes got huge and his mouth clamped shut for a few seconds. 

"I wasn't planning to. And what do you mean you_ need_ each other? Bella Swan hasn't needed anyone in two years." 

"We need each other's help and yes you were, Emmett. Don't lie to me. I am one of the three people who can see right through you." 

"Oh yeah? There's three?" I rolled my eyes at him. He was so easily distracted. 

"Me, Rose and your mom." He scowled at me. 

"This is off topic. I might have made him leave early stating something false was going on, but only because I love ya, girl!" I giggled. 

"I know, Emmy. Thank you. I love you, too." He smiled a beaming smile that out-shown the sun. He kissed my forehead and then went over to steal some of Rose's ice cream. I was so glad that I had Emmett he was always there to ward off the scary things in life and make light of situations that were stressing me out. He was great around final exams when I would over worry and freak out. And he was probably the only guy in the world who could deal with a PMSing teenager. 

I looked over to where Edward was talking to Angela and Ben. I couldn't wait to find out his history. I wanted to know what was wrong so I could fix it. He glanced over at me and caught my eye for a few seconds. Then he turned to Ang, said something and came over to where I was sitting. 

"Are you sure you don't want to try any?" he held his ice cream cone up to my face. I crinkled my nose and leaned away from it. 

"I'm positive." He laughed at me. 

"Have it your way." A quick gust of wind blew past us and tugged a few strand of hair into my eyes. He reached out and tucked them back behind my ear and then let his hand run the length of my face before pulling away. My skin tingled and burned where he'd touched it. I brought my fingers up to the trail to see if it felt any different. It didn't.

"Maybe I will have a lick of that cherry crap. Just so that I can officially call it crap." In my head my reasoning was more like: _Just because it touched your lips._ And the moment was déjà vu. And if you're spiritual you'll believe that déjà vu is a way of your soul telling you your life is on track. 

He smiled and held out his cone. I took a small lick and let the liquid sit on my tongue. It was just as I suspected: gross! My face scrunched up like it was sour and I swallowed it quickly and then took five huge licks of my own Lemon Lime Sherbert. Edward let out a huge laugh that made me start laughing to. He sat down next to me so that he could catch his breath. His arm brushed against mine and the same tingly/burning sensation happened again. It made me stop laughing and look over at him. 

He's stopped laughing to and he was staring into my eyes. 

"Do you feel it?" I asked him. I could see understanding on his face and was relieved that I didn't sound like a lunatic. 

"Yes, I do." We both let out shaky breaths. 

"Do you like it?" 

"A little too much I think." 

"Me too." 

* * *

We made it to the trail we usually took around one. That meant me had approximately five hours to hike and get back to the site. Along the trail there was a spot where it forked and if you took the left side it led you to this ledge that let you look out onto the forest and then the beach and water. The site looked like it was bathed in gold in the afternoon. Two-thirty – three o'clock was the perfect time to see it. And with our start time it seemed like that would be the time of arrival. 

The path was big enough for us to walk two-by-two. All the actual couples went first. Then the rest of us started to pile on to it. Somehow I ended up beside Mike Newton. At first I didn't mind. Mike was a good friend when he wanted to be. But today didn't seem to be one of those days. 

While we walked he tried to take my hand and I expertly dodged it without looking suspicious. He tried a few more times and finally got the message that holding hands was definitely off limits. Then he started with the small talk. 

"So, Bella, are you having fun? The beach was great wasn't it?" 

"It was great, Mike." The fact that I agreed with him seemed to upset him. He was definitely jealous of Edward and that immediately made me angry at him. I tried to keep my face from frowning. 

"We're having our big dinner tonight aren't we?" 

"Yep, just like every year." Was there a point to this conversation? 

"What are you going to make this year?" 

"Grilled chicken. I'm putting _Diana's_ Bar BQ sauce on them." 

"Wow, sounds awesome!" 

"You hate chicken, Mike." He went quiet. Sometimes I really hated bursting his bubble. He looked completely rejected for a few seconds and then popped back up like a jack-in-the-box. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to his side. It made it difficult to walk properly. I tried to pull back but it was like he was holding on for dear life. 

"What are you doing the rest for the summer? Up for some hangouts? Maybe we could see a movie, get some dinner?" He would never be deterred from his prize. I wasn't really sure what to say to him. I didn't have anything else planned for the summer but there was no way I could lead him on by agreeing to his insane idea! And then – like a knight in shining armor – Edward was beside me, prying Mike off me and answering for me. 

"Actually, Bella and I have a few plans. She's coming to my parent's cottage for a week in August and she's allowing me to take up most for her days for the next two weeks." And with that he took my hand and led me back to his spot at the end of the line, leaving Mike to throw a few dirty looks at us and "inconspicuously" shoot Edward an extremely rude hand gesture. 

For the rest of the hike we walked side-by-side in silence. We held opposite hands than the first night at the fire. These knuckles were scarred to and there was a round patch of skin in the middle of the top of his hand that was smoother that all the rest. It felt like a burn scar. It made me want to cry knowing it had hurt him at one point. I rubbed it repeatedly hoping I could make the memory of how it got there go away. 

Finally we could all see the bright light that indicated the ledge. I brought Edward's wrist up to my eyes to check his watch. 2:37PM. Right on time. The sun would be in the right spot. Along the line of people you could hear sighs of content and amazement as they stepped out into the sun and saw the magnificent sight. And then it was our turn. 

I squeezed his hand and then pulled us off to the side, around everyone, so we could get a good look. The green trees looked like they were outlined in sunshine. The water sparkled like Polar Ice diamonds. I'd never really wanted to share the sight with anyone else before. Even after I'd come here year after year with a crowd of people I always felt angry that I had to share the beauty. I knew it was selfish and childish but it was a compulsion I couldn't control. But as I stood there, marveling at the landscape, I felt so lucky that Edward was beside me. 

I could feel his lungs swell with a deep breath and then very slowly deflate. The sight truly was awing. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and he pulled me close. I wrapped my arms around his chest. We became magnets again. It was probably impossible to separate us in that moment. I looked up into his eyes and the colour of the forest was reflected in them. It was so wonderful to think that even when we left this place I could take a part of it back with me in his eyes. 

"Does it make you feel small too?" he asked me in a whisper. It didn't seem right to speak loudly. 

"Every time I see it. Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course."

"I've never wanted to be here with anyone before. But you just broke that streak." 

"If I'd have had a streak, you'd have broken it too." 


	6. Driving Home

Oh God! Finally! I'm so sorry, you guys! I don't even know what to tell you. Only that I'm working extra hard to get the next chapter up before the week is out.  
There's a thing at the end about Bella singing and you'll understand the meaning to it in the next chapter. Or you could be really insightful and get it before then!  
The song in the chapter is Big Hands - Violent Femmes. I quite obviously do not own it. I've always loved it for some reason.  
This is definitely not my favourite chapter by far, but it was kind of fun to write and gives a bit of information for a chapter that will come later on.

ANYWAYS!  
Enjoy! :)

* * *

**Driving Home**

It was just my luck that it was raining the next morning. Packing up four campsites in the rain is not a job I'd wish upon anyone.

We'd finally gotten all the tents down and clothes packed and food in big Rubbermaid bins and coolers. Everything was packed nicely into the vehicles they needed to be in. We were all sitting in wet clothes and it was extremely irritating. Especially when you had Alice in your backseat whining about how her wet track-pants felt so gross on her legs. Plus we were all cold now. So I had the heat blasted as I looked around to make sure everyone was in a car and ready to go.

In Emmett's truck I could see him, Rose and Edward. Jacob's Rabbit had him, Embry and Quil squeezed into it. In Charlie's Astro, that I was driving, I had Mike, Jasper, Alice and most of the tents. Me and Alice's garage was Tent-Storage City during the colder months and the rest of the summer. In Tyler's Pontiac G8 there was him, Lauren, Carma and Claire, who was staying at Carma's for a week. And lastly there was Mac and Toby in Toby's old beat up Grand AM.

Everyone was in their place. I pulled out my cell phone and called Emmett's.

"We're all ready to go. Lead us out, Sergeant!"

"Whooo! I hope Forks had a nice quiet break. I can't wait to get home!" I laughed at him and then hung up. A few seconds later Emmett pulled out and we all filed out behind him. As much as I loved this camping trip I was ready to be home.

"Mike, close your eyes." Alice's voice came from the back.

"Why?" Mike was sitting up beside me.

"Cuz I'm changing into some dry clothes. Now close your eyes and don't you dare peak. I'll know if you do. And I won't hold Jasper back from hurting you." Mike gulped visibly and shut his eyes. I snickered.

"Does my pain make you laugh, Bella? I thought I meant more to you than that," Mike said. It was hard to take him seriously when his eyes were shut so tight it pulled up his top lip. It was hard to take him seriously anyway. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at his obliviousness.

"Sorry, Mike. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." It was going to be a very long three hour ride.

* * *

The first half an hour went by pretty calmly. Alice fell asleep on Jasper and Mike had turned on the radio and was playing game after game of Bejeweled on his phone. It was easy to concentrate on the rest of our caravan and keep up with them. But then it all went crazy.

A song came on the radio and within the first few notes, Alice was up and squealing. She reached forward and turned it up as loud as the van would let it go.

When Im out walking I strut my stuff yeah Im so strung out  
Im high as a kite I just might stop to check you out!

Then I realized what song it was. Immediately I had my phone in one hand and pushed Emmett's speed dial number. He picked up and I pulled the phone away from my ear so he could hear it. Alice had started singing at the very beginning.

Let me go on like I blister in the sun  
Let me go on big hands I know you're the one

Body and heat I stain my sheets  
I don't even know why  
My girlfriend she's at the end and she is starting to cry

Let me go on like I blister in the sun  
Let me go on big hands I know you're the one

When I'm out walkin' I strut my stuff  
Man, I'm so strung out  
I'm high as a kite and I just might stop to check you out  
When I'm out walkin' I strut my stuff  
Man, I'm so strung out  
I'm high as a kite and I just might stop to check you out  
Body and beats I stain my sheets  
I don't even know why  
My girlfriend she's at the end she is starting to cry  
When I'm out walkin' I strut my stuff  
Man, I'm so strung out  
I'm high as a kite I just might stop to check you out

Let me go on like I blister in the sun  
Let me go on big hands I know you're the one

Once it was over I turned down the volume so I could hear Emmett's voice.

"I love you, Duckie! It was getting so boring over here. I definitely needed that boost!" I laughed thinking of why we loved that song so much.

One autumn we'd created an addiction to the TV series My So-Called Life. It was probably about five years ago when we were twelve. There was one episode where the main character, Angela, starts dancing around in her room to that song. So one day when we were bored we did the same thing. We used my bedroom unfortunately. By the end of the song my clothes were pulled out of every drawer and the closet and flung about the room because we'd been dancing with them. We had so much fun, but the clean up afterward was brutal.

"Any time, Em! Gotta get back to driving now, though. Are we stopping in half an hour?"

"Yep, at the _Wendy's_."

"Okay, see you soon!" we hung up and I turned to see Mike nearly cowering again his door. I laughed at him and Alice and Jasper joined in as well. "You don't even want to know," I told him. He relaxed but still shot an odd look my way. I just stuck my tongue out at him and kept driving.

* * *

"I spy with my little eye, something that it green."

"Mike's shorts."

"How'd you know?"

"You've said the same thing five times in a row now, Alice"

"Well, sorry. I'm lying down and that's all I can see without straining." There was a mutual sigh around the van. Our stop at _Wendy's_ was uneventful. Everyone went to the bathroom. No one got food because we wanted to get home quicker. We only had an hour left to drive, but it felt like we still had a day. Mike was driving now.

My cell phone rang so I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Ciao, Bella!" Rosalie's perfectly pitched voice sang into my ear.

"Hey, Rose. What's up, babe?"

"Just thought I'd call and tell you that Edward is being mood."

"Oh? And why does this concern me?"

"Because he's being moody that you're not here." There was a scuffling noise in the background and a disagreeing grunt. My eyes got wide.

"And how have you come to that conclusion?"

"He won't stop asking about you, Bella! 'How long have you known Bella? Does Bella have any pets? Does she like popcorn?' God, no offense, but it's getting annoying!" I laughed at that. Rose can be self centered, but that's just Rose and we love her for it.

"No offense taken, of course! Put him on."

"Thanks a million, kid!" I heard the phone passed around and then I heard his voice. It was like water for a person in the desert.

"Bella?"

"Hey, I heard you were asking about me," I said in an inquiring voice.

"It's hardly anything. They're exaggerating."

"Uh huh. Do you want your questions answered anyway?"

"Yes, actually. I'd like that very much."

"Okay. I've known Emmett for thirteen years. We've always been best friends. I don't have any pets. I tried to keep goldfish at one point but the two I bought died within a week of being in my ownership. So I gave up on the whole pet thing, and I love popcorn. Smothered in butter with just a sprinkle of salt. Is that all?"

"For now." I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"My turn!" I piped in.

"What?"

"You got three answers, I want three answers. Same three questions. Go!"

"Okay, okay. I've had more pets than I can count. Including a parrot and a snake once. I've known Emmett my entire life. That was a waste of a question, by the way. We are cousins after all." Shoot. Hadn't thought of that. "Popcorn is okay, not fantastic. It can only have a bit of butter on it, though. No salt."

"That's great to know. It's not every day you can get someone to give away their popcorn preferences."

"No, definitely not." we laughed together for a few seconds. Then I saw Mike shooting me an angry glance. Ugh! I hate when he acts like he owns me. I decided I'd get off the phone so I could give him a piece of my mind.

"I'm going to go now. Will you be alright without me for another forty-five minutes?" he sighed and it almost didn't sound sarcastic or exaggerated.

"I'll try to behave myself." Now that was completely full of sarcasm.

"Good boy, see you later. Bye!" I didn't wait for a reply. Mike's glances we starting to get more annoying by the second. I shut the phone and put it back on the dashboard.

Jasper and Alice were both asleep now. It was a good thing, too! I was sick of Alice's "I Spy" tactics and Jasper singing old 80's songs. He didn't exactly have the best voice ever. Those two being asleep was perfect right now. They didn't need to let Mike know they could hear our conversation.

"So, who was on the phone?" Three guesses who, Mike… Sometime he can be denser than should be allowed.

"Edward." My voice was harsh. I hated to hear it, but I didn't know how else to make him stop.

"Why would you be talking to him?" he sounded so disgusted. Like I'd just told him I liked to eat frog eyes and goat hooves for dinner instead of that I'd been talking with Edward. It's hard for me to deal with immaturity like this.

"Why shouldn't I, Mike. It's a free country; I may speak to whom I'd like."

"What if I don't want you to talk to him?" Excuse me?

"Then that would be too damn bad, because I wouldn't care." I didn't sound like myself. Why couldn't he just understand that I didn't like him? This was tearing me up. I wasn't good at being malicious. He threw a blinking look my way. I sighed. "Mike, look, I don't like you as anything more than a friend. You seem to think that I do. I'm not sure why, but that's the vibe you're giving off. You don't own me, Mike. I can talk to anyone I want and flirt and date and marry. Do you understand?"

He looked over at me bewilderment clear in his eyes. The van started to serve off to the side.

"Whoa, Mike, eyes on the road! You're going to kill us!" his eyes flew back to the road and he straightened out the van. It was quiet for a few minutes.

"I don't get it, Bella. For the last two years I've been picking up the pieces from Cory and putting you back together. How could you lead me on and then say something like that?" I'm sure I must have looked like I'd just been slapped.

"What are you talking about?!" he was completely delusional.

"Whenever you're at work you talk to me and we go out to the movies all the time."

"Everyone goes to those movies and I talk to you because we happen to work the same shifts! It doesn't mean I like you or that I'm leading you on! And how dare you bring up Cory! I can't – I can't believe you…" I was starting to sob. I pulled my cell phone over to me once again. Emmett's number was pushed and the phone was ringing.

"Hello?" Rose said.

"Tell Emmett to pull over. Toby knows how to get home. Tyler can follow him." She didn't ask any questions and I was beyond grateful for that. I heard her whisper something to Emmett and then his truck started to pull off onto the shoulder. "Pull over," I told Mike quickly. He did, but only because I was bawling now and it scared the crap out of him.

The van stopped right behind the truck. I jumped out, slammed the door and got in the back seat of the truck. It took mere seconds for a pair of arms to be around me holding me together. I didn't see who they were attached to, but from the sound of the voice whispering in my ear I gathered it was Edward.

"Bella, what's wrong? I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." His voice was quiet so that no one else in the truck could hear him. I couldn't tell him though because all my attention and energy was being used to get Cory's smile out form behind my eyelids. His smiles were always small. But they were so powerful. No matter how horrible my day had been one glace at his smile and everything making me angry seemed petty. It was the warmest smile too. When I was broken up over my biological dad leaving he would sit with me and talk to me and I always asked him to smile because it made hope flame inside of me again.

It was so contagious. He could have saved lives with that smile. And he was going to. Before the accident he'd started to talk about how he wanted to get into counseling. It was his passion to help people in any way he could. The thought of that made me cry even harder.

"He was going to be a counselor!" I wailed. I'd completely forgotten that Edward had no idea what I was talking about.

"Duckie, tell me what happened. Whose ass do I have to kick?" Emmett's voice from the front seat made me calm down a little bit. Even though Edward's arms and voice made me feel safe, anything familiar was the only thing that could calm me down. That's why I liked to be around Jacob. Nothing was more familiar than him.

"Would you mind bruising Mike a bit?" Edward's grip tightened around me at the mention of Mike's name.

"What the hell did that idiot do?" Emmett nearly yelled.

"He was being possessive, so I told him that I didn't like him as more than a friend and he went all ballistic, saying he was 'putting me back together'. Actually his exact words were, 'I've been picking up the pieces from Cory and putting you back together'." Rose turned around in her seat and started to rub my back. Emmett's face in the rearview mirror was menacing.

Usually I would have told Emmett to calm down and not do anything rash, but I couldn't have cared less right then. I was so sick of Mike disregarding everything I've said to him about not liking him as more than a friend. It's ridiculous. I bet I could tell Edward right now to stop touching me and he would. Because he would listen to me. Because he would understand. And even if he didn't, he'd do it anyways. But I didn't want him to let go. In fact I needed him closer. The hole in my chest that Cory's name created wasn't closing up completely.

I snuggled as close as my seatbelt would let me to Edward. He moved as much as his seatbelt would let. Rose had turned back around and was trying to calm down Emmett so that he wouldn't get a speeding ticket.

"The parrot I had was taught to say the most horrible things." Was he trying to distract me? No one had tried to do that since the very beginning. But back then my counselor had said that letting me talk every thing through was a good idea. I'd talked as much as I could. Now I was just dwelling. Being distracted couldn't hurt anything now. It might even be a good idea.

"Yeah, what kind of things?" my voice was scratchy from crying. I had to be loud in order to get anything out. It startled Emmett. He jumped along with Rosalie. His face was hilarious. He was so shocked at both the abrupt noise and the sound of my voice. I didn't usually talk this quickly after an episode. I ignored him in order to pay attention to Edward. He was kind of smiling. It was only a ghost of a smile.

"Well, his favourite line was, 'Shut up, bitch.' Every five minutes he'd say it. I'm still not sure who taught him that. Then there was one other phrase that he said a on regular bases, which was, 'Your mom's fat.' The rest are things I would never dare repeat in front of any kind of civilized people. He was repulsive. It was a good thing I didn't have to be around him too long." What did he mean by that? I gave him a puzzled look.

"Did you get rid of the bird because of what it said?" his tiny smiled vanished all together.

"No, you'll understand tomorrow when we caring out our deal." Oh. I just nodded. I noticed, faintly, that his voice had closed up the hole completely. I noticed a lot more how the hole started to prickle again as a silence settled over the truck. I almost winced.

"Have you had a smoke today?" I whispered to Edward.

"No, I haven't. I can already feel the affects, too. I'm starting to get irritable. It's becoming a struggle." I knew quitting was hard but when I heard him talking about it, it sounded even harder. I wanted more than anything to make it easier for him.

"I'm sorry," I said as I lowered my eyes from his. His hand under my chin brought my eyes back up to him, though.

"For what?" he sounded like he actually didn't know.

"For making you feel obligated to quit." I tried to lower my head again, but he wouldn't let me. My eyes wandered down anyways.

"Bella," he whispered. "Bella, look at me please." His voice was laced with honey. I'd never heard it like this before. His tone spoke volumes alone. It said don't frown. It said I wasn't at fault. It said he cared what I thought. I let my eyes drift back up to his.

His green eyes pierced me. Straight through to my soul. I'm not sure he knew the power he had over me in that moment.

"Bella, I may have my life to thank you for. Please don't be sorry. There's absolutely no reason for you to be." His eyes were still pin pointed on my soul. It rendered me speechless so all I did was nod and then hug him tightly. And after that, no matter the silence, the hole stayed closed.

* * *

"Daddy, we're home!" Alice screamed into our house. My mother popped out from the kitchen instead.

"Girls, you're home!" Wow, they are definitely a match made in heaven. There is no way my mom and Alice's dad getting married was simply a coincidence of life with the way those two act. Not to mention how Charlie and I act. We're both much more mellow and quiet. We're not so good at expressing our emotions. Emmett's convinced that Alice and I are actually blood sisters and that "the divorce", as he so originally calls it, is just a conspiracy to help Charlie and Renee take over the world. Don't ask. No one is really sure how that works.

Renee shuffled over and threw an arm around each of our necks, pulling us to her and squishing any breath we had, out of us. Then she pulled back and kissed us each on the cheek.

"I missed you two so much! The house was so quiet. Charlie's at work right now, but he'll be home by six. I was just looking through the fridge for dinner –"

"Oh, that's okay, mom. You sit down I'll make some dinner." She tried to put up a fight but in the end I won the battle over the kitchen. Renee's cooking is the scariest thing in the world, only ever second to Carlisle's – Emmett's dad – impression of Brad Pitt. We were having nightmares months after the incident.

I was breading pork chops at the island in the kitchen when Alice came in. At first I didn't pay her any attention, just thought about the meat. Drip in eggs. Place in breadcrumbs. Cover with breadcrumbs. Put on baking pan. But then she sat down opposite me and cleared her throat. I arched an eyebrow.

"Yes, Alice?"

"How are you?" Gah. I had a feeling she'd do this.

"I'm fine, Alice, really. Please don't start." She sniffled and I whipped my head up from the food I was preparing to see that she was crying. I tried to wipe off my hands as best I could and went around to her side of the island. I tried to hug her without getting egg and bread on her shirt.

"Hey, why are you crying? Is something wrong? Is Jasper okay?" she calmed down a bit and then hugged me back.

"We shouldn't have fallen asleep! I should have known he'd try to pull something! I'm so sorry, Bella." I pulled back and gave her a surprised look.

"Is this about Mike?" she nodded and more tears came out. I hugged her tightly again. "It's okay, Ali. You can't protect me forever. I have to grow up some time." this didn't help the tears.

"Look, Ali, do you want to know a juicy secret?" she perked up immediately, like a dog to the word food. She quickly wiped away stray tears and stared at me intently. "When I got in Emmett's truck Edward was in the backseat so he hugged me all the way home. And he made me feel better. We talked about a parrot he had one time. It was probably the shortest recovery time I've ever needed." She looked completely flabbergasted.

"W-what? How short is short?"

"Ten minutes tops."

"Lies." I raised my eyebrows at her.

"Not a breath of one." This sobered her right up. Then she squealed and I cringed at the high-pitched-ness of it. She jumped from her stool and landed in my arms.

"This is so great! I'm so proud of you!" I think she missed the whole point of this secret. The juicy part was that Edward made me feel better. And since she was my sister I felt the need to fill her in on what she was missing,

"You've skipped the juicy part! Edward was the key element of juice! He hugged me all the way home and talked to me! He was what kept me together." I thought her eyes were going to pop out and I'd have to put them back in. Ew.

"Holy cow." I nodded my head. She looked at me like I was the one with eyes hanging out of my face. "That is so wonderful!" and the tears came again.

"Ali, stop crying. Am I going to have to call Jasper?" she shook her head.

"No, no. I'm just so happy. Can't I just be happy that you're happy?"

"Course you can. But do you think we can keep this secret between the two of us?" she gave me puppy dog eyes. I sighed. "And Jasper. I don't even know if he feels the same way back or if he just feels bad for me." she smiled at me. I was surprised that it didn't have a plan formulating behind it.

Then she seemed to forget everything we were talking about and started babbling on about a new pair of shoes she wanted. I let her talk as I put the pork chops into the oven. And for the first time in two years I started to sing to myself.


	7. Trees

I realized just after posting my last chapter, that I left Ben and Angela at the campground! : Let's just pretend that they drove home in Ben's little white Jeep. Oh, also, if anyone wants to see what everyon'e vehicles look like, tell me and I'll post them on my profile!  
Annyyywaayyss! HERE'S EDWARD'S BACKGROUND! I don't think this is my best chapter, but I'll leave that up to you to decide.

Disclaimer: I believe I may write a song. With lyrics. The "I Don't Own It" song.

Give me an L!

"**L**!"

Gimme an A!

"**A**!"

Gimme a C!

"**C**!"

Gimme a K!

"**K**!"

Gimme an 'of ownership of Twilight!'

"(confused and disoriented mumbles)…uhm...Twilight…"

And I'm definitely not smart enough to come up with that. **Nitlon** did. By the way, you need to go and read her story, **Welcome To Mythological Studies.** It's amazing!!

* * *

**Trees**

I woke up to the usual cloud cover of Forks, Washington. Even the summer has cloudy days here. I rolled over in bed to find it was nearly eleven o'clock. It was Friday so the house was quite. Charlie was at the police station and Renée was working at the summer daycare center. The only one home would be Alice and even then I couldn't be sure that she hadn't gone off to Jasper's already.

I pulled myself out of bed and slipped on some slippers and trudged down stairs. Something at the back of my mind was saying that today was big. It had some kind of importance to it. I quickly scanned the calendar in the kitchen to make sure it wasn't someone's birthday. It wasn't so I poured myself a bowl of Shreddies and went to sit on the couch. I flipped on the TV and slipped through the channels until I found some good cartoons.

I landed on my favourite show of all time. Ruby Gloom. I was so happy I squealed, almost splashed the contents of my bowl all over myself and then wiggled around on the couch in a little triumph dance. I turned the TV up to maximum volume and settled back for some quality entertainment.

It was one of my favourite episodes. Misery was running down a winding, wrought iron stair case muttering to herself about all the natural disasters that have happened in the past. As she runs past the front door of the house she mutters something about a car and then exclaims, "It wasn't my fault! I thought it was a marshmallow!" I was laughing hysterically on the couch as I felt a bit of a breeze.

I shivered and looked over to see the sliding backdoor open. I hadn't been open earlier. I must not have heard it being opened over my show. It freaked me out a bit and I vowed to myself never to listen to the TV so loud ever again. There could be a murdering rapist in my house at that very moment and I wouldn't have known. I pressed mute and got up. Just inside the door was a piece of paper with a rock holding it down. I bent down and picked up the paper.

There were words on it. A note! Or maybe a ransom letter. What if they'd taken Alice hostage?! Then I back tracked. A) The TV wasn't that loud. I would have heard her screaming or seen a person come into the house and B) Ha! That's what she gets for holding _me_ hostage in her room while she plays Bella Barbie. _Okay, Bella, stop. Read the note._ Sometimes it's a really good idea to listen to yourself before you get carried away. I looked down at the note. I didn't recognize the handwriting at all. I guess I'd just have to read and find out.

_Dear Bella,_

_Two and a half days of not smoking. Are you proud of me? _

_Are we still on for that deal? Meet me at the gate out back at 12:00 if we are. _

_- Edward_

_P.S. Kraft Dinner night? _

_Love, _

_Emmett_

Oh. Definitely not a ransom note. I looked at the cable box and big green numbers glowed 11:27. I just stood there, lost in my thoughts.

_Do I actually want to do this? It's going to hurt. It's going to open scabbed over wounds. He makes me feel safe. Is that enough? He looked like he needs this. I feel like I need this. What if this doesn't help anything? _

_Then you have each other, stupid. _

_Hey, watch who you call stupid. _

_Stop being ridiculous and I won't have to call you stupid, stupid. _

_How am I being ridiculous? _

_You know for a fact you feel safe around him. Safe as in you don't need to worry about being hurt safe. So suck it up and go talk to the boy. _The grandfather clock in the front hallway chimed a few times, telling me it was eleven thirty. _Time's running out. Go and get ready. _

_God, you are so pushy. _

_I have reason and need to be. Go. _

_Fine. _

I swear it's normal to fight with your self. How else would you solve internal conflict? The clock on the cable box read 11:31 now. I put the note on the coffee table and sprinted up the stairs. I hardly had any time left to get ready. I was still in my pajamas. I took the fastest shower I've ever taken, hardly having any time to wash the dirt of camping off of me. I slipped while getting out of the shower. Yay, back to my own klutzy self. I managed to only hit my knee off the ground – there was going to be a bruise though.

I towel dried my hair and pulled on a pair of jean shorts and t-shirt with my school's name across the front. I grabbed a sweater, not realizing which one it was because I glanced at the clock and saw that it was eleven fifty-seven. I bounded down the stairs without tripping and power walked to the backdoor. My backyard and Emmett's backyard back onto each other. So over time out parents had built a gate in the fence dividing them. Today the gate was open and Edward was leaning casually in the opening.

Without thinking I walk through the door to go and meet him. But me being me, my toe caught on the metal tracks of the door and I tripped over them; I landed face first, into the grass in the backyard. Instant blush took over my face. There was no way I was getting up. Then I'd have to see his amused face. I expected laughter also, but that didn't come. Instead I heard feet walking towards me.

"Bella, are you okay? You went down pretty hard." Edward's voice was right beside my head and he did not sound amused at all.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said out of the side of my mouth not smushed into the dewy grass.

"Are you going to get up?" Now he sounded amused.

"I will in a second," I informed him. My blush wasn't fully gone. He laughed lightly. I scowled at the ground. The pinch of anger that the laugh gave me made my blush go away so I got up and dusted off my knees and wiped my face clean. Edward stood in front of me with his hands in his pockets.

There was a light dusting of happiness over his face. Under that he was completely serious. Ready to spill his heart out and ready to receive the same from me. Suddenly the happiness blew away and he was staring into my eyes. His eyes looked like they were slowly draining of energy. They looked nothing like the eyes I'd wanted to take home with me to remind me of the golden-green trees.

"Any place in mind that we could go to?" his voice matched his eyes. It startled me and without realizing it my hand reached out and grabbed his. It didn't seem to bother him so I left it there. Mentally I scanned through the town. Trying to think of some place we could be alone and safe at the same time. And then I knew the perfect place.

Across the road form my house the forest started. Five minutes in there was a tree-house. Charlie and Carlisle had built it for the three of us back when we were about seven. We only used it up until we were ten. After that we stopped going to it. I think we were trying to protect it from anyone who might follow along with us. We made a lot of friends that summer. I hadn't been there since.

Now that I was older I had a new power. If I didn't want someone to come there with me I could just tell them. I could do that without the other person sticking out their tongue and saying, 'I'm gunna go and tell on you!' Everyone was more mature and understood sentimentality more. Now seemed as good a time as any to reveal the secret to someone else.

I tugged on the hand I held and led him out of my backyard and across the street. I scanned the front line of trees; looking for the skipping rope we'd tied around a tree trunk to indicate where to start walking. I found it eventually; surprised that it was still there. I looked like it was decaying and growing into the tree, though. I walked over to it, Edward trailing behind me, and started into the forest.

We were both quiet. He didn't ask me once where we were going. After seven minutes of walking we finally found it. Perched up in a big sturdy tree, it looked like a magic palace. It wasn't extravagantly designed or anything. Just the way it sat above us, untouched and unchanged. Like a time portal. Maybe when I stepped inside I'd be ten again.

I climbed up the boards nailed to the tree's trunk as a make-shift ladder. Edward's feet made little scraping noises as he followed me up. I slowed as I reached the top. Slowly I peeked inside. I don't know what I was expecting but it surprised me non-the-mess to find it the same. In the far left corner there was a black garbage back, tied at the top. Instantly I remembered what we'd put into it. There was a blanket, a pillow, a flashlight, six granola bars and six drinking boxes. It was our 'just incase kit'.

It was a bit tricky climbing up and into the actual building. My legs were longer now so I had to climb up a few extra rungs of the ladder with just my feet. Then I slipped inside and dragged the rest of my feet up. Edward had to do the same thing, except he was almost a foot taller than me and so he had a much more difficult time.

The tree-house was big enough to fit the both of us, but there was very little room left. We even had to open the just incase kit and spread the blanket and lay the pillow across our legs. We divvied up the food and then sat back. Edward's back was against the opposite wall mine was. Our legs rubbed together and we looked at each other knowing that the shock sent out was mutual and had nothing to do with static electricity what-so-ever. It was warm and comfortable and so was the silence for a little while.

Soon we were both sitting there fidgeting, staring at each other, not knowing who would speak first. Finally Edward gave up.

"Would you like it if I went first?" I bit my bottom lip and nodded. We could definitely save the waterworks for later. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"My story doesn't really start until I'm four and a half. My parents and I lived in Chicago. I was in the backseat of the car and it was snowing. We were going to a Christmas party. I remember that because they made me wear these black shoes that didn't have convenient Velcro. They had to be tied up and I could do that yet.

"We were on a pretty quiet road. Then the car hit a spot of black ice. It swerved off the road. We hit a tree. The only reason I lived was because I was in the backseat off to the right. The whole front of the car was crushed; my parents were, to put it nicely, killed by the low lying branches of the tree that came through the windshield. If I'd been sitting in the middle I wouldn't be alive." He took another deep breath. It was like he was coming up for air and then diving back down again.

"I was supposed to be in custody of Esme and Carlisle, but they didn't have the money at the time. They barely kept up with Emmett. I was put into an orphanage. I was still pretty small. Cute enough to be adopted, I guess. No one ever did though. Eventually I passed the stage where I was deemed 'adoptable'. I went to my first foster home when I was ten." Resurface. Breath. Dive.

"It was a really nice place. Great people. They were a married couple. Her name was Sue and his name was Mark. They had a few other foster kids there, too. We all had dinner together on Sunday nights. 'No buts.' That was the rule on Sunday nights. Of course, all good things come to an end, right? Mark was a great guy, but he got himself into a huge debt. They didn't have the right finical support so we were sent back.

"Do you know what it's like to feel like an object instead of a person? Sent back. Almost the same way you'd take back a new pair of jean that doesn't fit the way you thought they would. I hope you never feel that."

"Does it hurt?" his whole body looked like it was frowning. His shoulders slumped, his head hung, his eyes void of emotion. I wanted to know exactly how he felt so that I could make it better.

"More than any other scar." At the mention of scars I reached for his right hand and held it tightly in my left. He didn't seem to know I was touching him. He was too lost in memories. "After that I was in and out of foster homes. None of them were ever as good as Sue and Mark's.

"When I was fourteen I was sent to a really bad home. I got in with some pretty tough guys. A lot of shit happened that year. I started smoking. I got my first beating. I picked my first fight." Before I could stop it, a gasp had escaped my mouth. It didn't seem to bother him, though. In fact he didn't even seem to notice anyone else was around him.

"It was the worst fight I've ever fought in, too. See this scar?" he lifted up his left arm and I saw a white line that ran from his elbow to the palm of his hand. "I made the mistake of trying to grab at the knife he pulled. He sliced me open like a fish. Good thing the hospital was a block from the school." I ran a finger up and down the scar. It was smoother than the surrounding skin. That seemed to bring him out of his trance.

"I'm scaring you, aren't I? Do you want me to stop?" I love how he asked me if I wanted him to continue instead of assuming I didn't want to hear the rest.

"No, go on. I'm not scared," I assured him. He gave me a disbelieving look before going on.

"I got this scar," he indicated the burn mark on the back of his left hand, "in the same home. Believe it or not, it was a total accident. I was sitting at the kitchen table with the guy who owned the house. We were having a conversation and he was smoking a cigar. The conversation was so intense that he didn't look down when he was trying to put the cigar out in the ash tray. He ended up putting it out on my hand instead. I barely remember how much it hurt." And I knew he wasn't lying because he had no reason to lie to me. "Fighting and bad foster homes are basically my life story. The only other thing that's happened to me over the years was when I was fifteen and sixteen I was in one home and going to one school. I had a few friends who smoked pot. I did it a few times with them, but the feeling freaked me out and I never did anything afterwards.

"Being able to say yes and no to shit like that is the only control I've ever had over my life. I don't take it for granted. That's why I'm quitting cigarettes. You told me exactly what could happen if I kept it up. I made an informed decision to stop before the damage was really bad.

"I'm in a group home now. Carlisle and Esme have the money for me. They're going through the long process of adopting me. Because they are my blood relatives and because they've already been interviewed and looked into, I've got special permission to be here this summer.

"Can I tell you a secret?" you mean besides your whole life being shit?

"Sure."

"The last four days were without a doubt that best of my life so far." That brought my carefully reserved self into a downwards spiral. Tears leaked from my eyes and I tried uselessly to wipe them away before he saw them. I didn't want him to think they were pity tears. But they were coming to fast and I couldn't mop them all up with my hand. Edward saw and reached over to help me brush the tears away.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I sniffed a bit. I should just tell him. He's telling me everything.

"These last four days have been the most fun and carefree days I've had in two years." And with that he wanted to know my past.

"Why?" just one simple word and I was gushing my story to him.

"Cory moved here when he was six. I was five. He lived next-door to us, so I played with him and our family had backyard bar-b-q's in the summer. There's only one elementary school around here, so we went to school together. And we got closer as the years went on. When he was twelve and I was eleven we started going out.

"We stayed together through the rest of elementary school and into high school, even when he was in grade nine and I was in grade eight we were still together. We loved each other. We used to sing together. All the time. No matter where we were or who was there, we'd sing. It was something we both loved doing." The tears were still running. Tear after tear streaked down my face. "And then when I was fifteen there was a horrible accident.

"It was snowing like crazy. I didn't even realize it. I was studying for a trigonometry test I had the next day. He'd already taken the course so I knew he could help me. I called him to see if he could come over. He said he'd bug his brother, Ryan, into driving him over. I remember the entire conversation word for word. Before I hung up I said, 'I love you, Cory.' And he said, 'Love you too, Thumbelina.' That was the last thing I ever heard him say.

"On the way over his brother's car crashed. They hit a tree. There was no air bag. Cory died on impact, Ryan was lucky and survived with minimal damage. I stopped singing after that." The tears were coming down my face in a stead flow. They were silent, but so many I had to close my eyes. I felt Edward switch sides to sit beside me. He took my hand and held it tightly. He didn't hug me or try to wipe away my tears. Just held my hand. Just like I needed him to.

"You know what the worst part is? The Trig test was canceled the next day because it was a snow day." Now the emotion was making my entire frame shake. I'd never felt this before. It was like a battle was raging in my heart. Let him in? Don't let him in? I couldn't decide. Couldn't properly comprehend what letting him in would mean. There was no way I could forget Cory. But at the same time I knew Edward would never want me to forget him. I think he could sense the war inside me and tried to distract me.

"Why did he call you Thumbelina?" harmless question. Painless answer.

"His full name was Cornelius. Just like the fairy prince from Thumbelina. And I didn't really grow much until grade ten. I was always short. It fit us. Sometimes I actually called him Cornelius. I think it was better than calling each other honey-dumpling and sugar-bottom." He gave a short laugh.

"Point well taken." The magnets in us pulled us closer and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, I rested my head on his should. I tried to calm the shaking but it wasn't working very well. We didn't talk for a few moments and then Edward spoke up again.

"I've come to a conclusion," he announced.

"And what's that?"

"The trees have it in for us." And despite the memories that came along with his words, I giggled.


	8. KD Night

I really love this chpater. I'm currently realizing my addiction to The Breakfast Club and thought I should incorprate it into this chapter. I managed it. I think it's pretty good. What do you guys think?!

Disclaimer: Do not own The Breakfast Club, What Not To Wear or Summer of '98. Summer of '98 is by The Secret Handshake. You might want to listen to it for the full effect during that part in the chapter. And while I'm at it: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does!

Enjoy!

* * *

**KD Night**

Apparently the trees _were_ plotting in a conspiracy against us because on the way home I managed to trip over twelve tree roots and actually stumble into a huge oak tree. Most of the time I ended up on the ground after tripping. Edward was only close enough to catch me two or three times. He didn't have any superhuman speed or anything.

When we got back to my front porch we were both sporting new and improved smiles. I'd just finished telling him about Carlisle's Jerry Maguire impression (the best of the many impressions he did). Edward laughed so hard. His mood was contagious and I started to laugh along with him. Then he laughed harder and the look on his face made me laugh harder. His eyes were clenched shut, he was red up to his ears and his whole body shook with the sound of his laugh. We had to sit down and sober up before we kept walking.

"Who knew my uncle was funny?" Edward asked as we walked up the front steps.

"Oh that's nothing. He has so many impressions I can't even think of them all. Although, the worst and more frightening was Brad Pitt. I will not be telling you that story, for my sanity and yours." He chuckled.

"Thank you for holding back on that one."

"No problem."

"Hey, I've got an idea for tomorrow and I'm going to need your help. Up for it?" My heart skipped a beat at the thought of spending the day with him.

"Sure I am. Call me when you want to leave. I should be up." I opened the front door and he followed me in.

"Okay, thanks."

"Duckie, that you?" Emmett called from the living room. I walked in to see him and Rosalie watching _What Not to Wear_. Rosalie was a fashionista; Emmett watched what she told him to watch. It didn't look like anyone else was home. A natural occurrence in my home.

"Yeah, it's me. Edward's here too. Did you bring any Kraft Dinner for tonight? I only have one box."

"No, but Jasper's bringing one and Jake's bringing Quil and two boxes. Speaking of Jasper, Alice said they'll be here around five." Once a month we got together and made Kraft Dinner. Each time someone different made it. That all stemmed from an observation I'd made a long time ago. Even though KD comes from a box, it tastes different when different people make it. It's very intriguing when you think about it.

"Sounds like a plan. Did Jake say when he was coming?"

"He said about six-ish. We have just under three hours, what do you want to do?"

"The Breakfast Club?" Rose and Emmett sighed and whined.

"Please, guys! I haven't watched it in a month! Please?" I pleaded, dragging out the end of my please. Edward came up behind me and took my hand, led me over to the couch and pulled me down beside him.

"I've never seen it. Do you guys really mind if we watch it?" Was he coming to my rescue? Emmett and Rose both wilted in defeat.

"Fine. But I'm telling you now, Bella, if you start saying the lines along with the characters I'm going to buy you three new dresses and a pair of Prada heels to go with them. Then I'll find three different all-ages clubs and make you go to them in the dresses and heals. Do you understand?" I gulped.

"Yes, ma'am. No repeating the script." Edward was laughing beside me. I looked over and gave him a dirty look.

"You find enjoyment in torture? That's sick, Edward." The laughs stopped and he looked at me with wide eyes.

"What's wrong with the consequences? I could name twenty girls I know right now that would _pretend_ to know the words so that they'd get new dresses and shoes." I scowled at him.

"I'm not twenty girls. I'm Bella and I despise shopping, people spending money on me and heels. The last one because they make me fall over with every step." His eyes shrank and a crocked smile pulled up his lips.

"Wow." The fact that he didn't criticize meant so much to me. That was all I got from Rosalie and Alice.

"Ahem. Sorry to break-up…whatever just happened there, but if we must watch it, could we put it in now and get it over with." Emmett shot Edward a warning gaze as he said this.

"Oh hush, you big ol' bear!" I told him, but jumped up anyway and walked over the stack of DVDs beside the TV. I pulled out the familiar case and put the disc in the machine. I jumped back into my spot beside Edward, snatched up the converter and skipped through all the previews and then hit play.

As the first song came on I had to try so hard not to sing along. It was a difficult task. Almost painful. When Brian started rhyming off the date and setting and zip code I had to bite down on my lips. That _was_ painful.

The movie went on and it got easier and easier to not speak up until they started eating lunch. I had the entire scene memorized word-for-word. I could say it with and without the movie playing. While Bender did his "impression of life at Big Bri's house" I stuffed my face into Edward's shoulder and plugged my ears. I really did not want those shoes. His body vibrated a bit as he chuckled softly at me.

By the time the movie was over Alice and Jasper had joined us and my lips were raw from me biting at them to prevent my mouth from speaking of its own accord.

"That…was an awesome movie!" the exclamation came from Edward's mouth. I let out a high pitched squeal and without thinking threw my self at him. I hugged him so tightly that he actually had to pry me off so he could breath.

"It's a sign from above! We were meant to meet!" I declared as I got up and spun around. "Isn't it simply the greatest movie to ever grace the face of the planet?"

"Well, I wouldn't-"

"Quiet, don't ruin the moment. Just nod." He did as instructed. "Do you want to see the poster I have of the front cover?" but before I could pull him up stairs to show him, the front door opened and Jacob's voice called into the house.

"Hey, people, get the water on. We've come bearing three boxes of KD!"

"Jake!" Emmett and Jasper called in matching relieved voices. I rolled my eyes at them.

"Sorry, Bella. No poster showing right now. It's your turn to make the food. Any specific musical requests?" Jasper asked. I got up and went to the front door to greet the two guys who'd just walked in.

"Surprise me," I told Jasper. Then Quil and Jacob scooped me up into a deathly hug.

"Hello, m'dear. You wouldn't by any chance happen to have Tyler's number would you?" Quil asked me as they let me go.

"Yes, it's in the little phonebook by the phone in the living room. Why?"

"Oh, no reason," he said in a way too innocent tone. I quirked an eyebrow at him as he went into the living room.

"Are you ready for some hardcore Kraft Dinner cooking?" Jake asked me as he took my shoulders in his huge hands and guided me to the kitchen.

"Of course I am," I said as I got out the huge pot we had bought for days like this only. "Why'd you bring three boxes? Em said you'd bring two."

"I'm feeling extra hungry. Plus we have two extra mouths to feed today." He sat at the island like Alice had the other night and Edward came in shortly after and joined him.

I filled the pot half way up with water and placed it on the big front burn of the stove. I turned it on to max and sprinkled a bit of salt into the water. As I did so some music started up in the other room. I recognized it instantly. Summer of '98 by The Secret Handshake.

I wrote some songs cause I love her  
Then played some shows in the suburbs  
It was the middle of summer in Texas  
I was feeling pretty good then  
Everything worked out at school then  
I was feeling like a champ then, in summer

Jake came up behind me and took my hand. He spun me around and started dancing with me. He twirled me around and around, dipped me then straightened me back up again. Then he went off to dance with everyone else in the living room.

This, this could be the summer, the summer of love  
And this, this could be the summer when I grow up

Edward came over from the other side of the island slowly.

"May I have this dance?" I nodded my head.

I wanted to be just like him  
He looked just like all the cool kids  
I wanted to wear what he wore in summer  
I was feeling pretty good then  
Everything worked out at school then  
I was feeling like champ then, in summer

Even though the song was fairly fast he held me close to him and we swayed back and forth.

Okay.

This, this could be the summer, the summer of love  
And this, this could be the summer when I grow up  
This, this could be the summer, the summer of love  
And this, this could be the summer when I grow up

He sang the word softly in my ear. I sang them back.

Its never been like this  
I am just starting over

He looked down at me and smiled. I looked up at him and smiled.

Its never been like this  
I am just starting over

He leaned down slowly. I rose on my toes slowly.

This, this could be, the summer the summer of love  
And this, this could be the summer when I grow up  
This, this could be the summer, the summer of love  
And this, this could be the summer when I grow up  
This, this could be the summer, the summer of love  
And this, this could be the summer when I grow up

Our lips barely touched. He was like a breeze against me. It was our way of telling the other we accepted them and it was enough for now.


	9. Fish

This isn't exactly my longest chapter. Hopefully I can get the next chapter a bit longer.  
But in consulation, I think that this chapter is pretty cute. Maybe you will too!

Enjoy! :D

* * *

**Fish**

I did not expect the phone to ring at eight o'clock in the morning. It seems that Alice didn't either, considering she stormed in my room, cordless phone in hand, and threw it at my head. Luckily she was still groggy and missed by a foot.

"It's Edward," she mumbled gruffly at me and then closed my door and stomped off. I knew my parents would be up and gone so I didn't need to worry about the phone having woken them up.

I picked up the phone and held it to my ear while I was still lying down. "Hello." My voice didn't sound much better than Alice's.

"I'm sorry I woke you up. I just wanted to check and see if you still wanted to help me out today with my plan."

"Of course I will. I said I would didn't I?"

"I know. I was just making sure," he whispered. There was a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

"Are you alright?" his tone had brought wakefulness to me more quickly than I'd expected. I was suddenly aware that I was still wearing my jean shorts and shirt from the day before. The sight of my old clothes made the events from the night before rushed back to me.

_Edward and I pulled away form each other. There was a silence but it wasn't awkward. We both knew the almost-kiss was bound to happen some time soon. Right now it was only a promise. A promise to be together and to help each other and to protect each other. There wasn't much more we could give each other. Only the pieces of what was left of our hearts. _

_We pulled further away from each other when we heard Emmett coming towards the kitchen. _

"_Where are the KD boxes?" Edward asked me as he pretended to search through the cupboards. _

"_Top left. Jacob and Jasper's are on the counter already." He got me my box of Kraft Dinner and I made all five boxes._

_As it turns out it was just enough. Jacob ate basically an entire box to himself. His excuse: "I'm a growing boy!" We had a bit left over and Charlie ate that when he and Renée came home from their night at Carlisle's and Esme's. _

_We all watched random TV shows late into the night. I fell asleep and Emmett had carried me up to bed. _

"Yeah, I'm fine." Edward's voice brought me back to the present. "What time do things open around?"

"About nine, why?"

"We need to go to a store. Is that okay?"

"That's fine. How about I let you go for now and I'll meet you in the backyard in an hour?"

"Deal. See you soon." And then we hung up. I let the phone drop form my hand and my eyes shut. I waited a few seconds and then heaved myself out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I took a longer shower than the day before. I took time to rinse any speckle of dirt I might have on my body off.

After my shower I pulled on a pair of shorts, a deep blue t-shirt and a pair of old beat-up flip-flops. I dried my hair and pulled it back into a loose braid. Then I went into the kitchen, grabbed a banana and headed off to the backyard.

I walked across the lawn and open the gate. I went into Emmett's backyard and leaned against his fence waiting. I pealed my banana open and started eating it slowly in tiny bites.

Edward came outside not long after. He walked over to me and took a bite of my banana just before I got it up to my mouth for another piece. His closeness stunned me. My stomach burned with adrenaline.

"Thank you. Let's go," he said unaffected. I sat with the banana almost to my mouth and my mouth opened for a few more second before snapping out of it and leading the way out of Emmett's backyard and onto the street.

Edward held my hand as we walked into the busier part of town.

"Where exactly did you want to go?" I asked him, realizing I didn't have a clue where to show him to.

"A pet store." I quirked an eyebrow at him. He rose his and shrugged. Okay…

"Can I ask why?"

"No."

"Oh."

It only took us five minutes to locate the pet store. _Pat's Pets_, the sign read. I pulled us inside.

"So, why are we here?"

"We're buying a fish. Well, okay I'm buying a fish; you are going to keep it." I stared at him in amazement.

"Did you not hear my two-goldfish-died-within-two-weeks story?"

"Yes, and that's why we're here. We're going to get a fish and keep it alive together. I've grown up with loads of pets. They really kept me sane in some of the not-so-good homes. They sooth you and they'll listen to you no matter what. They'll always be your friend. Even a fish. I want you to have that." Life was truly a kind being. If it wasn't, it would not have sent me Edward.

"That's beyond sweet, Edward. Let's do it, that is, as long as you're around to make sure I don't accidentally kill it."

"Always and forever." His smile beamed at me. We squeezed my hand and led me towards a wall of fish tanks.

Next to the fish tanks there were small cups with Betta fish in them. They looked like they were made of sheer cloth. Their tails flowed behind them, split apart, came back together and then squished tight as they propelled themselves in circles. I felt incredible pity for them. They hardly had any room.

"Let's get one of those, Edward." I pointed to the bettas. He turned and looked where I was pointing. The moment he saw them I knew we'd be getting one. He had the same thought process I had. I could see it in his eyes.

"Sure." He quickly waved over an employee. A boy about fifteen with a few dots of acne and bright blonde hair came over to us.

"How can I help you today?" he asked us. I liked how he didn't stare at me and talked to us both at the same time.

"We would like to get one of these betta fish, but we need to know the kind of tank they need, food they eat and how to treat the water," Edward explained. He boy nodded his head and started telling us what we needed to know.

"They don't need a huge tank. This size will do." He pointed out a round fishbowl that was about the size of half a goldfish bowl. "We have betta food at the front along with pebbles for the bottom of the bowl and a few decorations, too. This," he handed me a small bottle of liquid, "needs to go into your water to make sure it's good enough for it. Only use two drops. Any more and the chemical could be harmful. Before you put the fish into the bowl make sure the temperature is room temperature. Not too cold, not too hot. You won't need a filter just remember to clean the tank about once a month. Be sure that your rinse the tank thoroughly after every wash. Soap is really harmful. That's about it." he smiled at us and I smiled back.

"Thank you. Can we pick a fish and then just bring it to the counter?" Edward asked.

"Yes, I'll have the bowl and water treatment over there waiting for you." I handed him the water treatment and he walked off. We made our way back over to the fish and stared at them. It was difficult to choose.

They all looked so sad in their tiny homes. I wanted to take them all home. But then after five minutes of us both being unable to pick I saw a peachy colour behind a fish on the top shelf. I pointed to it and Edward moved the fish in front out of the way.

In front of us was a betta fish swimming around its cup, tail flared out, cheeks puffed up. I giggled a bit. It looked like it was putting on a show for us. It was mostly peach in colour with spots of red along its tail.

"That one," we both said together. Edward reached up and took it off the shelf and placed it gently in my hands. I walked slowly to the counter trying my hardest not to slosh the water around. The fish didn't seem to mind the movement.

At the counter I picked out some green-blue stones, two fake plants for the bowl and a container of fish food. The boy from before rang up our bill and Edward handed him the money. We left the store smiling.

On the way home we couldn't hold hands. Edward held the bag and I held the fish.

"He needs a name," I told Edward half way home.

"How about, Peaches?" I gave him a funny look.

"Can we be slightly more original?" he snickered at me.

"Fine, what do you have in mind?" I scrunched up my nose and thought on it. It came to me in a split second and I could hardly stop myself from shouting, "AHA!"

"Do you mind if we name him Knox? About three years ago I spent an entire day looking at a baby names site on the internet. I was looking for unusual names and their meanings for a short story I was writing for school. Knox was my favourite one. And now I finally have the chance to use it!" he smiled at me.

"Perfect. Knox it is."


	10. Runaway

Bonjour, lovely readers! I took me a while to get this chapter sorted out. I knew what was going to happen, it just took me a bit to get everything to fit together.  
If you go to my profile I have a link to a picture of what Knox looks like.  
The next chapter will be in Edward's POV. I hope I can get it right. But for now:

Enjoy! :D

* * *

**Runaway**

Edward and I sat side-by-side in the middle of my bed watching Knox swim around his new home. His cheeks were still puffed up like he was threatening the glass walls and rubber plants. I couldn't help but smile at him. Already I could see why Edward would want me to have a pet. Knox was calming and made my room feel more positive.

Our sides were squished together even thought we both had room to spread out. I didn't want to be separated from him. I didn't want to have space between us. Every centimeter his body touched mine burned and tingled and relaxed. It was such a wonderful feeling. It sent tiny shivers down my spine. I could feel Edward react in the same way.

I turned my face away from Knox and looked over at Edward's face. He turned to look at me. His eyes were shimmering with the sunlight that was flowing through the window. It made me think of the forest with the golden sun behind it. He reached over and took my hand in his. He brought it to his mouth and kissed the back of it. I smiled at the feel of his lips on my skin and my body tried to move closer to his.

"Tell me a story," I said.

"About what?

"You."

"Those are all horror stories. You don't want to hear them," he told me. The light dancing in his eyes dimmed a bit. It made my stomach ache. I had to make it come back.

"Nothing ever made you even remotely happy?"

"The happiest memory I have after my first foster home is probably the first time I head classical music. I've listened to it ever since. Would you like to hear that story?"

"You listen to classical music?" I was constantly learning to never judge people by their looks around Edward. Outside he was tough and stoic even. Always so cut off and seemingly cool. But on the inside he was one of the most hurt individuals I'd met. He was always making me look at him in a different light.

"Yes, do you?"

"I listen to my favourites."

"What's encompassed into that category?"

"I'll tell you after you tell me your story." He smiled his crocked smile. I couldn't help but smile back. I flipped over onto my back to get comfy. He mimicked my movements.

"Deal. It wasn't really the first time I'd heard classical music but it was the first time I ever actually listened to it. I was twelve and in my second foster home. I was at a street fair. An entire street was blocked off and devoted to the celebration of the beginning of summer. There were tons of shops with huge sales on and little booths where you could get your face painted or an airbrush tattoo. There were demonstrations and lectures going on, and on one end of the street there was an orchestra.

"I was all by myself. Just wandering around and I just stopped in front of the orchestra's performance area to tie my shoe but I was completely stunned by the sound they made. They played Beethoven's fifth symphony. After that I took a seat in one of the fold out chairs set up and listened to them for the rest of the day.

"A single piano was rolled out for the last song of the day and a woman sat down and played Beethoven's Moonlight sonata. After that I started to teach myself how to play the piano. The house I was in at the time had an old piano that was never used and no one minded if it fiddled around with little tunes. In other homes I'd usually find a music store and hangout there enough that the store's owner wouldn't care if I spent the entire day playing on the store's keyboard.

"I just remember the sound that all the string instruments made together. I chilled me to the bone and warmed me up and I had no room left in my body to feel any kind of emotion except absolute wonder. It was like my own personal get-away in other homes. The music kept me sane a lot of the time.

"Now tell me, what are you're favourites?"

"Well you've named one already. Moonlight sonata. There's only a few more. My very favourite is Debussy's Claire De Lune, I absolutely love that piece. Then there's Swan Lake by Tchaikovsky and Four Seasons by Vivaldi. That's about all I can name. There are a few others that I only know by the tune."

"You are truly amazing." His words caught me off guard. I wasn't sure how to respond.

"Umm…" he laughed quietly and lightly at my puzzled state.

"I'm going to leave for now. I told Emmett I'd play some video game with him. I'll call you later to remind you to feed Knox." Then he leaned over so that his face was hovering a few inched over mine. "May I?" he whispered.

"If you don't, I will," I told him. Then we closed the space between our lips and had our first real kiss.

His lips were soft against mine. He didn't try to deepen the kiss and neither did I. We weren't ready for that. We were still testing boundaries. The other person's as well as our own. How much were we willing to put between us? Could we take the pain that inevitably came with being close to someone? There was no doubt that we needed each other, but was what we needed, a relationship like this? This kiss had my mind screaming, _YES!_ to the last two questions.

The kiss left my lips burning when his touch was gone. They craved more. "'Bye," I whispered. I kissed him one more time quickly and then he got up off the bed and started for the bedroom door with a huge smile on his face. I'd made the shimmering light come back to his eyes. I lied on my bed, my heart hammering in my chest, my thoughts swarmed with so my questions I wasn't sure if I'd ever get around to answering them all. I heard the back door close and knew he was gone from the house. It made me frown a little to know he wasn't coming back upstairs to lying down beside me. I took one long breath and let it out slowly to calm myself.

"What the fuck, Bella?" I screamed and flipped over to see Jacob standing in my door way, brow creases, lips pursed.

"It's nice to see you, too, Jake. But could you knock next time? You know, fist against a solid surface. Make up a little rhythm if you want. All the cool kids are doing it. You kind of gave me a heart attack." He didn't say anything back. He just stood in my door way. His body was stiff and he looked extremely upset.

"What the hell was that, Bella?"

"An explanation of what knock-"

"No, that kiss." My eyes widened.

"How did you see that?"

"I saw you two lying in here. I slipped into Alice's room and spied. Who is this guy, Bella?"

"You know who he is. Don't be stupid, Jake."

"Not what I meant. I want to know how much _you_ know him! He looks like bad new to me."

"I know more than you think I know. We need each other."

"Oh, you need each other?" scorn dripped from his words.

"Yes."

"Bella, look what happened to the last person you needed. What if that happens again? We've all been trying to help you through life the last few years and this boy just prances in and makes you feel all better in six days? Do you know how much pain we've gone through, too? This affects everyone."

"W-what? Am I really that much of a burden? I actually affect everyone?" I felt so selfish. I'd never thought about how much I'd been hurting other people. "I'm sorry." I got up from the bed and ran down the stairs. I tripped into the kitchen, grabbed the keys for the Astro and headed outside.

"No, Bella, I didn't mean it like that!" I slid into the driver's seat and slammed and locked the door seconds before Jake got there. I rolled the window down.

"Really, Jake? How _did_ you mean in?" but I didn't give him time to answer. I started the van and pealed out of the driveway. His Rabbit wasn't at my house so it must have been at Emmett's. I turned the opposite way of Emmett's and just drove, as fast as I could.

I didn't cry. I'd had enough with crying. I thought a lot, though. Jake had said one thing in particular that was nagging at me. He was right; I'd only known Edward six days and already we were kissing and telling each other our life stories. It almost seemed absurd. But my mind kept reassuring me. _It doesn't matter how long you've known him. You don't feel bad around him. In fact you feel positively great. You don't shy away when he touches you and you never feel threatened around him. He doesn't want you to forget Cory, just feel better about him being gone. _

But was he worth upsetting all my friends? _Yes,_ my heart practically sang._ Surely they wouldn't be sad that you are happy_, said my brain. I felt so stupid for not seeing the pressure I put on them. I was like a time bomb just waiting to go off. And when I did they took the full blow. All my crying and wailing and sobbing and pleading and sleep-talking. All of my days that I'd spent locked in my room wishing I didn't exist. Those days I couldn't find it in me to eat. When I simply gave up on school work. They were always there. Every one of them. Just waiting to try and take some of the tension from my shoulders. They were there. To hold me together, to keep me healthy, to make sure I passed the grade, to make sure I came out of my room. How could Edward fix what they'd barely kept together? It was so unfair and I didn't know how to make it better.

I should just leave them alone. All of them, even Edward. They all had lives. Lives that they couldn't live to the fullest with me dragging them down. Edward would be living with Emmett soon, I wouldn't have to worry about him being hurt or shipped to a new place every other month. They would all do much better without me. I would go home, pack a small bag, hide out in the tree house for now and then tomorrow I'd take the Astro to Port Angeles and fly out to Seattle. From there I'd get a small apartment, a job and I'd be out of everyone's hair. I had a bunch of money saved up for college, but I never actually wanted to go anyway. Hopefully no one was awake early tomorrow morning. I'd have to leave the Astro in the driveway and I didn't want anyone seeing me when I picked it up and left.

I was pretty sure I'd be okay to go home and get a bag of clothes without suspicion. Renee and Charlie and Ali would be looking for me if Jacob had told them I'd just driven off and I wasn't home yet. The sun was close to setting.

I was already unknowingly driving back home. I was two streets from my house without it even registering in my head. I parked in the driveway and kept the keys with me when I was home, and went inside. First I went upstairs and packed a bag of clothes and my wallet. I scanned my room quickly to make sure I didn't have anything I really wanted to take with me. A piece of paper taped to Knox's bowl caught my eye and I went over to see what it was. It was a note and I knew who it was from by the hand writing. It read:

_Feed Knox. _

_Don't do anything rash. _

_Alice is in hysterics and Emmett looks like he's going to kill Jacob. _

_Plus I need someone to help me stay off the smokes. Four days now, by the way. _

_See you soon, _

_Edward _

I quickly sprinkled a few flakes of fish food into the tank and watched Knox circle below it and then attack it. I think he had some kind of shark complex. I'd miss him quite a bit.

It hurt to know I probably wouldn't see Edward for a long time. It made my heart ache. But I knew being here with everyone would give him strength. They always gave me strength. I knew he could quit without me. He'd already told me that once he made a decision he carried through with it. He didn't need my help. He'd be better off without me there to breakdown on him over and over again.

I went down to the kitchen and grabbed an apple and wrote a note.

_I'm sorry I've hurt everyone. I didn't mean to. I hope you can all see that. _

_Love you all, so much. I'll call you soon. _

_Love, _

_Bella _

And then as an after thought I put:

_P.S. Congratulations on four days, Edward. The first two weeks are the hardest. You can pull through. Don't worry; I know you can do it. Don't forget to feed Knox. _

Then I left the note on the kitchen table, took the emergency flashlight from a cupboard and made my way across the road to the forest. The sun was still mostly up but under the tree cover it was already gloomy. I flicked on the flashlight and followed its beam of light to the wooden slat ladder. I climbed up and hoisted myself into the tree house. With just me inside I could curl up and still have a fair bit of room. The pillow and blanket was still up there so I laid them out and fell asleep without any trouble at all.


	11. Oops!

Something crucial has been brought to my attention

Something crucial has been brought to my attention!

When Bella and Edward are talking in the tree-house it says that Cory lived next-door but then later on it says that he drove from his house to her's and that's when the crash occurs.

So, to make this better I'm changing Cory's living arrangements and how they met. Cory lived on a farm just outside of Forks. He and Bella met through the first day of school. But their families still had summer bar B Q's together.

You can thank_ read101 _for noticing that and tell me about it.

I'm extremely sorry for being so scatter-brained! Hopefully this is the first and last plot mess up I'll make in this story. Jeezz.


	12. Lost and Found

I am currenlty beyond tired, so I do not have a big note for you guys. I just hope you like Edward's POV and:

Enjoy. :)

* * *

**Lost and Found  
EPOV**

I didn't want our kiss to end. And when it did I was ready to plead with her for just one more. But I didn't have to, she reached up and placed her lips against mine purposefully once more and then I was satisfied. In more than one way. I'd gotten the extra kiss I wanted and Bella initiating the second kiss had let me see that she thought this was a good situation to be in. She wasn't afraid of me. My heart was soaring as I walked back over to Emmett's.

Emmett was already upstairs in the rec. room with his Xbox plugged in and Halo on the TV screen.

"Glad you could make it. Sit down, we've gotta talk." I knew this talk was coming soon; there was absolutely no way of avoiding it. And I didn't want to avoid it anyway. I needed to reassure Emmett that my intentions were good, that I would never hurt Bella in any sense of the word. So I sat down beside him and waited for him to start speaking.

He fiddled around with his game controller for a little while, paid a bit of attention to his game and then abruptly paused it and turned to me.

"Edward…I – I know what you've gone through. Your social worker has always kept us updated on where you were and what you were doing. She'd told my parents about every fight you've been caught in and that you smoke and that the places you came out of were really bad." I clenched my jaw together in range. How could she have told them all of that? This was my chance at a new, good life. Now I was labeled already: Trouble Maker, Defenseless Against the World, and Bad Decision Maker. My fists balled up and I had to close my eyes in a useless attempt to calm down.

"What's your point?" I managed to grind out through my teeth.

"My first point is that I haven't seen you smoke a cigarette in four days. I mean, I wasn't around you twenty-four seven, but you don't even smell like it anymore. My second point is that I know Bella, and I know she can make her own decisions without any of our help. So, please just take chill pill." I understood immediately. He thought that something was going right. I opened my eyes and chanced a glance his way.

He was smiling. Smiling like he'd told the biggest and best joke ever.

"For real?" I asked him.

"Dead serious. But I'm warning you now, you hurt so much as a hair on her head and I will kill you, family or not." I smiled.

"I'll hold you to that." Then we shook hands and he threw me a controller. He restarted the game and we were just about to play when Jacob burst through the door.

"Oh shit! Oh shit! You've gotta help me! I can't believe I said that!" Emmett got up and right into Jacob's face.

"What the hell did you do?" Jacob's eyes were bulging from his face and he looked so panicked. It worried me. He didn't strike me as the kind of person to freak out over little things.

"I…I didn't mean…B-Bella. You've got to help me!" at Bella's name I was standing up and was in Jacob's face as well.

"What's wrong with Bella?" his face turned from worried to enraged. I thought he was going to start swinging punched at me.

"This is your entire fault! If you hadn't come here nothing would be wrong with Bella!" what was he talking about? I racked my memory for something I could have done to hurt her. When I'd left her she seemed perfectly content. She'd had the sweetest smile on her face.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him.

"I tried to warn her. You'll just end up hurting her." Then I understood.

"What did you say to her? I would never hurt her!" I grabbed the front of his shirt and gave him a shake. "I would break your jaw right now if I didn't know Bella would be angry at me for it." Emmett pulled as apart but didn't look any happier with Jacob.

"Where is she, Jake?"

"She got in the van and drove off. I haven't got a clue where she went." I had to hold back my fist and a growl.

I was surprised by Emmett's ability to keep a clear mind and go through the process of calling Jasper, Alice and Rosalie. I sat in an armchair two rooms away from Jacob. I would never hurt Bella. I wasn't sure why but she'd chosen me. I wasn't anything special. I had so many problems why would she want to be with me? I was so easily upset and I was going almost nowhere in school. It wasn't that I wasn't smart enough to pick up the subjects; I just never handed in the work. There were plenty of people out there for her. People on their way to becoming lawyers and doctors. But she'd picked me and I'd be there until she told me to leave her alone.

Secretly I hoped that that time would never come. I needed her. When I talked to her I could step back and see my life. And I realized how many mistakes I'd made. When she was beside me I felt like I could fix those mistakes. I felt like she was constantly forgiving me. Forgiving me for smoking, for fighting…

The thought of smoking made me even more irritated. I thought of the nearly full pack I had upstairs in my bag in my bedroom and how much one of them would calm me right down right now. Before I could stop myself I was dashing upstairs and ripping through my bag. I found the pack and took out a single smoke. I opened the window as wide as it would go and put the smoke between my lips while I looked for a lighter.

My hands were shaking. I wanted this smoke so bad. I needed just a second of calm. I could taste the cigarette and it made me even more anxious to find the lighter. I picked up my bag and dumped the entire contents onto the floor. There on top of the pile was my little, red lighter. I nearly let out a cry of happiness. I picked it up and sat by the window. I flicked the lighter and brought the flame to the end of the smoke. It lit and I took a long drag. I took it between two fingers and blew out shakily. Then Bella's voice came back to me.

_I wish you wouldn't. _

It was a punch to the gut. How could I do this to her? Didn't I say I would never hurt her? This would hurt her. This would hurt me. In disgust with myself I crushed the burning end of the smoke against the window sill and then threw it and the pack into the garbage beside the bed. I bent my head and laid it in my hands. I was still shaking. But now I wasn't just shaking from the withdrawal, I was shaking because I was confused. What was I supposed to do to find her? I had to calm down and think rationally.

I'd only known her for six days but I knew she would never just run away. She'd at least come home for some clothes, food and money. I had to look for her until then, but I should leave something at her house so that she'd know I cared and that everyone else cared and she didn't have to run. I got up to go and do that, but the front door opened and I could hear Alice in the front hall.

"Where is she? Oh God! How could I have not picked up on this! I should have known if she was this depressed. Why would she leave? Oh God! This…this is horrible. I can't…Jasper, my sister's gone! Oh God!" she was sobbing so hard. I walked to the top of the stairs to see Jasper holding her close to himself, stroking her hair, whispering in her ear. I wanted Bella there right then. So that I could hold her and whisper in her ear. To reassure her.

I walked down the stairs and sat back down in the armchair I'd occupied earlier. Rosalie was sitting on the couch with Emmett already and Jacob was leaning against the wall as far as he could possibly get from me. It was a good thing to, that one taste of nicotine had me itching for more, shaking more, stressed out more. If he'd come within five feet of me I wouldn't have been able to stop my fist from meeting the side of his face.

"Okay, this is how we're going to do this," Emmett's voice was harsh and menacing. "We'll check houses first. Angela, Mac, Toby, Mike, Tyler, the La Push guys, who ever! Then we'll try businesses. The police station, day care, diner on Forks Avenue, library, even Newton's Outfitters, anywhere you think she might be. It's currently twelve noon. We have approximately five hours until Renee comes home from work. If we could get her home before then it would reduce a whole bunch of stress. On everyone.

"Jasper and Alice, you two can be a team. Check out La Push. Rose, you can go by yourself and check out Angela's, Mac's and Tyler's. Edward and I will take Mike's and we'll check out Jessica Stanley's and Eric Yorkie's.

"Jacob you can check Toby's and Sam and Emily's. We'll all drive around on the outskirts of Forks and La Push and then we'll meet back here at three. If we haven't found her we'll move on to other places. Understand?" everyone nodded their heads. Emmett flashed Jacob a look that made Jacob cringe and then quickly run out of the house to his car.

We all dispersed and went to our assigned destinations. At Mike's we nearly got a door shut in our faces. He looked so scared. He confessed a while later that he thought we were there to beat him up. Emmett promised him that we hadn't forgotten. Mike shut up after that. He told us he hadn't seen her for two days. Hadn't even talked to her.

Jessica said she hadn't spoken to her since the end of the school year. Then she proceeded to tell us that if Bella didn't call her soon there was no way they'd be hanging out next year. She didn't seem like a huge loss to me.

Eric looked worried when we asked if she was there. He told us she wasn't and left it at that. He didn't try and talk to us. He could see we were in some what of a frazzled rush.

After that we circled Forks. We didn't see one glimpse of her van. My stomach started to drop. Was I wrong? Would she really just leave?

_No_, I told myself. I could feel it, she wasn't gone yet. She was too intelligent to do that.

Emmett and I got back to his house just before two. Everyone else arrived only a short time after that. No one had found her. Jacob was trembling and Emmett looked like he was going to reach over and kill him. Alice was hyperventilating now. Jasper was trying to do his best to calm her down but it was almost not worth the effort. Although, his controlled appearance and air was making everyone else calm down. It was good to know that at least one of us was collected.

"Okay," Emmett spoke, "obviously none of us have found her. So now we're going to start checking in public places. I don't care where you check just make sure that you don't leave any place unsearched. No matter how obscure and un-Bella like the place may be. Same groups. Meet back here at five." We all left the house at two thirty.

Emmett and I checked the library first. The Forks library was horrible. I couldn't see Bella spending any time there at all. After that he had us check out a few restaurants and parks and then Emmett pulled up outside of a cemetery.

The first thing I noticed was the grass. It was in need of a cut and it was incredibly green. So lively for a place so full of death. It hadn't rained all day, but it was humid and a coat of fog was trapped in the cemetery, barely leaking out of the wrought iron gate around it. The tombstones were all different shapes and sizes and ages. Many had moss growing on them, distorting the words on the front and making them crumble a bit.

At first it wasn't obvious why we were there. I merely followed Emmett through the rows of graves, not saying a word. The due on the grass grazed against my ankles and made them chilly. I took in my surroundings as we walked. I read a few of the gravestones.

Mark Gray  
1909 – 1925  
Beloved son.

Judith Stones  
1932 – 2002  
Daughter. Wife. Mother. Grandmother.

And then we stopped. I looked around Emmett at the tombstone in front of him. It made sense then. The stone read:

Cornelius Redding  
August 1989 – January 2004  
Everyone's wings.

Remembering how Bella had shook and spoke to softly when she told me about him brought tears to my eyes. It wasn't fair that he'd been taken from her, ripped from her world in one cruel moment. Emmett never looked at me. I stood one step behind him.

"Did she tell you?" his voice was apathetic. I was worried how he would react to my answer.

"Yes," I said quietly and cautiously.

"Good, if you two are going to be together you should know everything. I'm warning you, Edward, do not try to make her forget him. She'll resent you and push you away."

"I would never want her to forget."

"Good." He didn't say anything more; he just turned and walked back to the truck, content that Bella was definitely not here.

We spent the rest of the day checking different shops and then the beach at La Push. We couldn't find her. I was hoping that was because someone else had found her before us. When we got home those hopes were quickly squashed. Alice was on Emmett's living room couch bawling her eyes out. Jasper was trying to sooth her by rubbing her back and whispering in her ear again. It didn't seem to have any affect on her. He was frazzled now. There was a slightly nervous glint in his eyes and it made everyone else all the more nervous. Rose had Alice's head in her lap and she was running her fingers through her hair. Alice was whimpering out,

"I should have seen something was wrong. And I was so mean to her this morning! I threw a phone at her head! Jazz, I'm a horrible person." To which Jasper would reply,

"No you're not. Don't say that." I didn't feel like I had a place with them. I tucked myself into the armchair for earlier and tried to reassure myself that Bella was okay. Emmett glanced nervously at the clock on the wall. The second hand seemed to be moving at double speed. 4:47 PM.

"Come on, Ali, let's go to your house and wait for Renee to get home," Emmett said. We all got up and followed him silently through the backdoor, backyard, gate and into Bella's living room. I excused myself to the bathroom; I'd just remembered that I needed to leave Bella something. I reached her room and looked around. I found some paper on her desk and a pencil. I quickly jotted down a note.

_Feed Knox. _

_Don't do anything rash. _

_Alice is in hysterics and Emmett looks like he's going to kill Jacob. _

_Plus I need someone to help me stay off the smokes. Four days now, by the way. _

_See you soon, _

_Edward_

I made sure it was light and personal. I hoped that something grounded like feeding Knox would make her see how rash running away was. I knew it was what I would need. It was something I'd asked for in my mind every time I'd run from a foster home. After I taped it to Knox's bowl I couldn't find anything else I could do. I felt helpless and out of place. I made my way downstairs and sat in the kitchen on a stool like I had the night before. No one came in and bothered me. I was left to my thoughts.

Did she not know how much she already meant to me? She knew what it was like to have someone taken from you. I hoped she didn't put me through that, she was strong I was not. There was no way I could stand life without her. That was the first time I'd ever thought that in so many words. It was almost liberating to know that I'd found a person in this world who made me feel like living. The only part that held me back from screaming at the top of my lungs with joy was the fact that she was currently missing.

The front door opened and a woman who looked like an older version of Bella walked through with a few grocery bags in her arms. I went over and took a few from her.

"Oh, thank you!" Then she looked over to see who was helping her. "Um, not to be rude, but, who are you?"

"Sorry, I'm Edward Cullen, Emmett's cousin. Everyone else is in the living room."

"Well, nice to meet you, Edward. I'm Bella's mom, Renee."

"Nice to meet you, too." She smiled at me and I noticed that though she had the same hair colour, eyes, nose, face and height as Bella her mouth and smile were completely different. Renee placed the rest of the bags on the counter next to where I'd rested the bag I'd taken from her. Then she left the kitchen all together and went to greet everyone else.

From the gasp I could tell that she'd caught sight of Alice. I heard whispers from a few male voices and then a sob that was louder and more dramatic than Alice's – if that, of course, was humanly possible. I opted to stay in the kitchen, I did not have a place in comforting a woman I didn't know.

Renee was brought into the kitchen and sat down next to me. Jasper got her a glass of water and Jacob sat, rubbing her back trying to make her calm down. His attempt was futile.

"Where haven't you looked?" Renee squeaked out between deep breaths.

"I was thinking Port Angeles next. She might be in a hotel or just wandering around," Emmett told her.

"Good idea. Bella is level headed. She wouldn't just run off without a plan. Hotels are our best bet." This idea seemed to make Renee feel better. She sipped at her water and then got up. "I'll call Charlie. He'll meet us in Port Angeles and we'll spread out and check the hotels and motels there."

"Okay, we'll start driving over now," Emmett said to her while he motioned for me to follow behind him as he left. I did and we ventured back over to his truck. We sped off to a new place. We didn't talk. The only time either of sad anything was the only time Emmett flipped and started smacking the steering wheel.

"What's wrong with him?! I know he's worried about her! We all are. That doesn't give him the right to loose his temper. He does that way too often. Usually she just shrugs it off, but he took it way too far this time! I can't…" then he trailed off whispering under his breath to himself. Years of being friends with people who obviously needed some angry management classes taught me to keep my mouth shut while a person went on a furious rant.

Port Angeles was packed full of tourist due to the summer weather. Trying to find her in a hotel was hell. The hotels were so packed that it took a while for the people behind the desk to go through the guest book and see who was there that night. Trying to find her in a restaurant or store was even worse still. They were so full off people bustling around that it was nearly impossible to see if she was there and even if she had been, she could have very easily slipped through the crowds and out of our sight.

Emmett was starting to get frustrated by eight o'clock. The sun was starting to sink as well and it made me heart skip a beat thinking that she was still out here somewhere alone. Emmett called Jasper's cell phone to see if he and Alice had had any luck. They hadn't. In fact everyone he called seemed to make his shoulders sag just a little but more with a negative report.

Eventually all we could do was give up for the night and go home. We couldn't stay in a hotel because there was no room and we hadn't found Bella yet.

We all drove back in a caravan much like the one coming home from camping. I thought we might go back to Emmett's but he passed his house and went around the block to Bella's. The Astro was in the driveway. Before the truck could completely stop I'd jumped from the passenger seat and was running full speed to the front door and then up the stairs and into her room. Alice was huffing and puffing right behind me. I pushed open her door to reveal…no one. It felt like my ribs were crushing my heart. Piercing it and bruising it as they fell on top of it.

I heard voices from the kitchen and managed to drag my feet behind me all the way back down the stairs, Alice behind me with new tears in her eyes.

In the kitchen Charlie was reading a note. When I heard my name I perked up.

"P.S. Congratulations on four days, Edward. The first two weeks are the hardest. You can pull through. Don't worry; I know you can do it. Don't forget to feed Knox," he paused for a moment. "You're Edward," he said pointing at me, "but, who's Knox?"

"Knox is the fish we bought today," I told him. Everyone turned to look at me. Alice was smiling a little under the tears, Emmett looked amused and Jacob was shaking and scowling at me.

No one had enough energy to question Knox for real, instead they all just slumped down into different spots of the kitchen, calling parents who might be wondering where they were and grabbing things to eat.

I sat alone racking my brains, trying to think of where she might have gone with my limited knowledge of the town and her.

And then, as if from above, it hit me. The tree house. I was up and running from the room and house as fast as I could. People were shouting behind me, but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

It seemed someone had caught on because there was suddenly something lighting up the path, it was running and keeping pace with me. My heart refused to beat as I pounded through the forest under the night sky. All I could think was: _Please be there. Please be there. Please be there._ It was a mantra.

The makeshift latter was in front of me after a few minutes and I was scrambling up it, feet slipping and fingers getting little splinters in their tips. I reached the top and climbed in. I could hear her breathing and I could feel her body curled up in the corner. Without thinking I pulled her over to me and gathered her against my chest.

"Bella," I breathed. She shifted in my arms and looked up into my face; I faintly realized the light from the path was now shinning into the tree house.

"Edward?" her voice brought tears to my eyes and I couldn't hold them back.

"What was I supposed to do if you were actually gone? Oh, Bella, I need you, please don't leave me." I'd never admitted out loud to needing someone before. But I knew as the words came out of my mouth that was exactly how I felt about her. She reached her tiny fingers up to my face and wiped away as many tear as she could before she too started to cry, too. Her fingers left a trail of feeling down my cheek. It tingled and warmed at her touch. She wrapped her arms around my body and buried her face in my chest and we sat there together, magnets once again. In that very moment there was a connection that locked us together that I could only describe as love.


	13. Ticklish

I am sincerly sorry for the extreme gap between posts. I have no excuse except LIFE. There will be another chapter up tomorrow. No excuses. And there will also be two new _After Jacob's Fist Love_ chapters by the end of today up and ready to read! :D

Emjoy!

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**Ticklish**

When I felt Edward next to me and heard his voice in my ear my whole body surged with relief. In my mind I'd convinced myself that Edward and I were better off apart. In my heart I knew otherwise. Not only did I need him, he needed me. And I knew it for real now.

When I saw his tears they drew forth my own. He didn't deserve to be crying. He'd gone through so much already. What could have possibly possessed me to hurt him? I tried to wipe his tears away but it didn't work. His pain hurt me. And that made me understand what Jacob had actually meant. My pain hurt my friends, just as theirs hurt me. They just wanted me happy. They didn't want to see me fall again. Especially not Jacob.

Somewhere in the background I could hear Emmett's voice and then I was being pulled out of and carried down from the tree house. I wasn't holding onto Edward anymore and I couldn't see his face. I called out for him and I heard his voice answer me.

"It's okay. I'm coming down. I'll be right there." He was there within seconds. I was still being held in two huge, muscular arms most likely attached to Emmett. I took Edward's hand and wouldn't let go. There was no talking on the way back to my house.

Inside the house the lights burned in my retinas creating splotchy patterns behind my eyes. Emmett carried me up to my room and laid me on the bed. Edward took off my shoes and pulled my covers up and over me. I heard Alice's crying and then I saw her run into my room and launch herself on to the bed beside me. She was crying and talking at the same time and so I couldn't understand what she was saying. I just let her hug me and sob. I ran my fingers – of my hand not occupied with Edward's – through her short, black hair. She seemed to calm down slightly after that. She stopped trying to talk and just sniffled.

Charlie and Renee bustled into my room after that, followed closely by the rest of my friends. Renee hurried over to the bed and started to smooth back my hair and kiss my cheeks. Edward tried to get out of her way but I wouldn't let his hand go. I was using him as an anchor to this world. A link between the thoughts of my mind and the conversations of reality.

"Bella, are you alright, honey? Are you hurt at all?"

"No, mom. I'm fine. I'm just tired."

"Okay, baby. Everyone out. You can talk to her tomorrow," Charlie commanded in his police officer voice. Everyone started to shift their way out of my room, but as soon as my friends…my family, started to leave I felt empty. Edward started to pull his hand away but I held tighter.

"Can't everyone just stay here tonight? I'd like that a lot." They all turned to look at me. Charlie's eyes scanned the room, checking to see if he would disapprove of anyone staying over. He caught sight of Edward and his forehead wrinkled. I cleared my throat and Charlie caught my eye. I gave him a look that I hoped said, "We won't do anything, and please don't question me tonight." It must have worked because then he said,

"Sure, if it's okay with everyone's parents. I can provide an explanation if necessary."

"I'll have to call home," Rose said.

"I will as well," Jasper toned in. They both took out cell phones and exited my bedroom to speak to people on the other line.

"I'm just going to scoot across and tell the 'rents where I am," Emmett said. He got up to leave and Edward made to follow him. I held tight to his hand.

"No, please. Please just stay." I sounded like I was whimpering.

"Of course," he whispered back.

"Jake, I'll call Billy, kid," Charlie said.

"Nah, I don't think Bella wants me here tonight. I'm just gunna head home now," Jake spoke up. I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Why wouldn't I want you here? I need all of my family here tonight," I told him. Edward's grip on my hand tightened until it almost hurt. I looked up at his face to see him leering at Jacob.

"Are you positive about that, Bella?" he asked through gritted teeth. Jacob grimaced right back.

"She can make her own decisions," he said viciously.

"I know that. Do you?" Jake looked like he was blurring around the edges because of how hard he was shaking.

"Charlie, Alice, can you give us a few?" Jake practically growled. Alice got up, still teary eyed and slipped out of the room quickly. Charlie looked from Jake to Edward and then to me. He nodded his head and stated as he walked out the door,

"No fist fighting. Use your words, boys." He closed the door behind him. For a few seconds it was quiet. Jacob and Edward stared at each other. They looked like they wished they could throw a few punches. I decided it was my job to act as the mediator between the two. I sat up in bed and they both turned to look at me.

"Okay, we're going to talk about this like adults. Can we do that?" They both nodded their heads swiftly. "We're all going to speak our sides. We all need to understand each other. Edward you can go first." Jacob scoffed. I shot him a look to quiet him.

"My side," Edward started, "is simply that this sore excuse for a man hurt you and I don't think you should be forgiving him this quickly."

"Jake, your side?"

"He shouldn't be here, or have a say. He's like a damn leech, sucking you away from us."

"My turn. Yes, Jake hurt me, but if I'd actually taken the time to listen and think through what he was saying I would have realized that I understood what he meant. I shouldn't have been hurt by it; it shouldn't have planted any ideas in my mind of me hurting my friends. I should have realized that he only meant that he wanted to see me happy, just like everyone else. And, Jake. He's going to be here. I know you don't want me hurt, but I know what I'm doing. I can make my own decisions. If I get hurt it'll be my fault.

"Can you both understand that? Or at least try to, please?" They both had a sober look on their faces. They held no other emotion. They did not attempt to shake hands and make up; they didn't say a word to each other. They simply nodded their heads at me and silently agreed to not acknowledge the other's existence. I rolled my eyes._ Boys_.

After a while everyone was back in the room and finding places to sleep. Alice was back at my side and Emmett had flopped down across the foot of my bed. Edward was lying down beside my bed with his hand still firmly gripping mine. Rosalie and Jasper had taken out my blow up mattress and were quickly falling asleep on that. Jake sat in the rocking chair still in my room from my baby days. He didn't look like he would be sleeping any time soon. Rosalie turned off the light and I heard her gently lie on the mattress.

It took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I stared at my window waiting for the outline of it to appear. Slowly, as it came into focus Edward's hand gradually lessened its grip on mine. Finally only my grip kept his hand in mine. I carefully laid his arm down on the ground beside him and rolled on to my back.

"Jake?"

"Bella," he said in a slightly mocking tone.

"Never mind. If you're going to be a jerk we don't have to talk." He blew out a frustrated sigh.

"Bells, I'm sorry." I let out an equally frustrated sigh.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for taking off and not listening to what you actually meant. You made me step back and look at the situation I'm in right now. I couldn't see anything before. But I can now. Thank you, Jacob, for letting me see."

"Naw, it's fine. I would have made it worse anyway."

"Even if you are right I'm still sorry."

"Sure, sure. Go to sleep now," he said trying to avoid any more spoken words. Talking didn't seem like it was going to get much further tonight so I went along with him.

"Fine, goodnight, Jacob."

"Sleep tight, Bella." It didn't take me much to fall asleep after that.

The next morning Emmett had rolled on to my feet and was cutting off the circulation. At first I tried to wiggle them out, but I could hardly move them. Then I tried to nudge him awake so he would move. That proved about as useful as a cheap glue stick – not at all. He didn't feel it at all and the feeling in my feet was quickly diminishing. I added whispering to my nudges.

"Emmett," kick, kick. "Em, move." Kick, wiggle, kick. I raised my volume a little bit to a normal talking tone. "Emmy, get off my feet." Kick, twitch. The feeling was basically gone. I had to resort to yelling. "Emmett Cullen! Get your crushing body off of my feet!" he grunted and rolled off them. I drew them away from him to eliminate any chance of my feet being squished again.

I hadn't meant to wake anyone else up but from beside me I saw Edward's head appear. He blinked and rubbed at his eyes to shake away the sleep. No one else seemed to have heard though, which was good because the clock beside my bed told me it was only seven in the morning.

"Good morning," I whispered to him.

"Do you know you talk in your sleep?"

"What? Oh…yes. Why?" Why was I having such a random conversation so early in the morning?

"You kept me up a good portion of the night."

"Oh, gosh, sorry. I don't know how to turn it off. Everyone else is desensitized to it. Was I talking loudly? Is that why it kept you up?"

"No, it was just your voice. I love to hear it. And also it gave me a bit of a peek inside your mind. Please don't be sorry." I felt a warm blush grace my cheeks.

"Oh," I conjured up. Then the meaning of what he'd actually said hit me. "Wait, wait! What do you mean, 'what's going on in your head'? What was I saying?" He quickly took my hand and started rubbing soothing circles on the back of it. Jake grunted from his floor spot in front of the rocking chair. We both went still and silent waiting for Jake or anyone else to wake up. When no one did Edward started talking again.

"It wasn't anything bad. I promise. You told Jacob that you forgave him. You said Alice worries about you too much."

"That's it?"

"After that you babbled on about toast, but that's it." I let out a sigh. "What were you yelling about just now?"

"Emmett was on my feet and I couldn't feel them."

"Are they better now? We won't have to amputate?" He asked with a little, crooked smile.

"No they're fine now."

"Are you sure? Here, let me just confirm that."

"_What?_" he crawled down to where my feet were and grabbed them in his hands that were very cold. I gasped. I slapped a hand over my mouth to silence it. At first he ran his fingers over them. Then he started to massage them.

"Are they okay, Edward? Can I keep them?" I asked sarcastically.

"Hmm…" was his reply. Then he ran one long finger down the center of my left foot and I laughed and tried to squirm it out of his grasp. He held tighter.

"Ticklish?" he teased.

"Please, Edward! Everyone's sleeping. You wouldn't want to wake them up would you?" he smirked up at me, my feet still his prisoners.

"Apparently you don't know me very well." And then he wrapped his arm around my calves and tickled both of my feet at once. I let out a screeching laugh and tried to kick myself away from him. In the process I ended up hitting Alice in the thigh and kicking Emmett in the side. They both jerked awake and into an upright position to ward off any intruder.

Now I was laughing at those two and Edward's tickling. I laughed so hard that the other three woke up. They all turned to look at Edward and I. Confusion and uncertainty crept onto their sleepy faces. Edward wasn't letting up and I was quickly running out of useable air in my lungs.

Emmett looked over at me and saw that I was the one waking everyone up and started tickling my sides.

"No! Emmett, please, I beg you! Forgive me! Have mercy!" Tears started pouring from my eyes like the giggles from my mouth.

Edward, seeing my distress and tears, launched himself at Emmett and they fell off my bed and on to the floor with a thud. Rose gasp and started wailing on Edward's back while he tried to pin Emmett to the floor. Jasper threw himself in to try and pull them apart but ended up being hit with an unknown body part. Then Alice jumped in trying to get back to whoever had hurt him. Jake got up and shot me a look that said all he wanted to say.

_Look, exactly what I told you, Bella. Bad news_.


	14. Here's the plan

GAH! I'm so so so so so so so so sorry!  
I know I've told a few people that I'd have the next chapter up by now but please, bear with me. Going through some times right now. I was just in the hospital for three weeks and my old computer crashed about two weeks ago. So that's two reasons why there haven't been any updates. Another is that I wasn't home for most of the summer and grade twelve is proving to be a bit hectic. Be mad at me if you'd like, but when life intervenes there's no way to stop it. So, here is what the plan is, hopefully. I need to find the rough copy of my next chapter, get it typed up, spell checked and then I'll post it. Can you guys give me till the 24th? If I don't have anything posted by that date feel free to be angry and yell and leave sarcastic reviews. I will not abandon this story. It's my second baby! Probably half the people who used to read this story have forgotten about it, but if you haven't, or even if you have but plan on coming back and read the rest of it, thank you for your patients! I'm going to keep on task and get this story finished!

- topaz addiction!


	15. Virginia

HERE IT IS! It's done. It's too my liking! And now I can go on with the story! This is very exciting! I know I'm a day late, shoot me. :) But before you do, READ!  
I really like the end of this chapter. And it is odd that I actually like anything I write, so go! READ! And then review and tell me what you think. Because while my approval of my writing is great and everything, whether or not the reader likes it is more important in this case. So READ!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the songs mentioned, or Midoll, or the Twilight Saga.  
Now on with the show!

Enjoy! :D

* * *

**Virginia**

The sky was coated over with thick clouds again. No sun for us. The humidity in the air brought the temperature up to 60°. Everyone who'd slept over was gone now. I'd managed to eventually stop the rumble in my room and thankfully everyone had been able to make up over a breakfast of homemade waffles. After that we were able to sit back and laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

Alice and I were in the kitchen now, making lunch. She'd been eerily quiet and drawn-in all day long. I glanced over at her while she spread peanut butter on bread, a worried wrinkle in her forehead. When Alice was sad it spread out over our whole house hold. Renee and Charlie had opted for a day out instead of a day at home with gloomy-Alice. I couldn't stand it anymore. There was something terribly wrong with my sister! I need to know what it was. I needed to make it better.

"Alice, what's wrong? Don't try and lie to me either. I'll know. Just tell me." She turned to me with fresh, unexpected tears in her eyes and whispered,

"You were gone, Bella. I thought you were gone forever! I didn't know where you were! I almost started planning your funeral!" Leave it to Alice to be overly dramatic and prepared for the worst. Her tears came in small groups as she tried to hold them back and wipe them away. "And now that you're back and safe I can't shake the feeling that this was only the start of more bad." I pulled her away from her sandwich and into a hug and I cried with her.

I knew, too, that yesterday had only been the beginning. But seeing her pain kept me from voicing my fears. "It's okay, Alice. Nothing's going to happen. We'll have a great summer." My voice was quiet and forced. I didn't sound convincing at all. Not that Alice would have believed me anyways. In an attempt to make ourselves feel better, we wiped away our tears.

"I hope you're right," Alice told me. And then in another attempt to get our attention on something else she said, "Jasper and I were going to rent a movie tonight. You don't need the living room, do you?"

"No, you won't have a problem from me, but mom and Charlie might want it." She painted on a confident smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"They both love me. I'm sure they'll give it to us." I laughed lightly at her and kissed her on the cheek. Then I grabbed the turkey sandwich I'd made and headed up the stairs to my room.

In my bedroom I put my iPod on its dock and grabbed the remote on the way over to my bed. I sat down with my food in front of me and pressed play. A light-hearted piano came through the speakers and embraced my room with its hope. Normally the feeling and sound would have been welcomed. Today, though, it grated against my on-edge nerves and made me irritated. How could the piano make such perfect sounds and feel so blissful when the world around me was full of so much confusion and imperfection? I switched the song. Cycle Down by Skillet started playing. I let the raging guitar and dark lyrics take over my senses while I ate. The roughness of the song and the jagged edges of my unhappy feelings mashed together, grinded against each other, and by the end of the song all the edges were smoothed down like beach pebbles. I was much more peaceful. The next song started with a calm guitar. This time the slow, composed rhythm was welcome. My nerves had been set to rest.

I laid back on my bed, finished my lunch and started to think everything over. I closed my eyes and saw Edward's face behind my eyes. He was smiling and his eyes glowed. This was the way I always wanted to see his face. I wanted him to laugh and have fun the way he had this morning. The way he had been on the way back from the tree house the first time we'd gone there. After Edward's face the rest of my family rolled past. Alice, Renee, Charlie, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Jacob. All their faces comforted me and made me confident that no matter what happened with Edward and me, I would be okay. Life would and could go on.

Edward. Even the thought of his name made my stomach do a little flip. It had only been a week. One week and I found myself itching to go over to Emmett's and just be with him. I wanted him beside me. I wanted him to hold me and not let go. I felt like a stupid schoolgirl with a crush. Every time I looked into my future all I could see was bright green eyes and copper hair and my favourite crocked smile. And after that I saw deep brown eyes and curly copper hair on the head of a child. Lips a little too big for her. Smile a little crocked.

I was so wrapped up in my comfort zone that I didn't hear the sound of anyone coming into the room. My music being turned down startled me and I let out a small scream. I sat up quickly and saw Emmett standing beside the iPod dock. He was laughing softly at me. I threw some of the crust from my sandwich at him. He caught it in one giant hand and popped it into his mouth. He came over and sat in front of me. He took the other crust off my plate and ate that too. The room went quiet and still for a second.

"So, Emmett, is there something you'd like?" he grinned at me and shrugged his shoulders.

"Just wanted to talk to you about a few things." I knew this was coming. Long heart-to-hearts with Emmett were unavoidable after a rough spot. They were his specialty. He never made them awkward or lengthy. He was usually straight and concise with me, but this time I was dreading our talk. "If you ever run off on me like that again I will personally destroy your Breakfast Club poster," he started.

"Yes, oh, mighty Emmett."

"I'm not kidding, Bella. What could Jake possibly have said that would make you leave like that?"

"It wasn't what he said; just the way I interpreted it. It was my fault for being so hot-headed and jumping to conclusions."

"I'll be the judge of that. Tell me what he said, Duckie."

"Please, can't we let this go? It's not important. I'm home now."

"No, we can't let this go." This made me sigh.

"Fine, but you've got to promise you won't start any trouble. There's been enough of that."

He put his hand over his heart and pinkie-swore me. "I promise no trouble." I told him what Jacob had said and his face turned confused. "What I don't understand is how that whole conversation started." I blushed thinking about Jacob catching me and Edward kissing. Emmett saw my red stained cheeks and his eyebrows rose. "This must be an interesting story."

"No, not exactly."

"Tell me, Bells. I want to know!" He was smiling now, almost bouncing where he sat. I gave him a quizzical look and then shook my head. "Come on! You call me at three in the morning to cry about books! You tell me your monthly problem is coming and then send me out for mounds of munchy foods and Midol. All I'm asking for in return is for you to tell me what caused a fight between good friends. Can't you do that for me?" He had a very valid point. He did a lot for me, and he loved me. He just wanted to make sure I was okay. I blushed deeper and said,

"He saw me and Edward kiss." I spit it out so fast it was almost slurred. Apparently not slurred or fast enough, though. His mouth turned up in an all knowing smile. The look shocked me. I was expecting fury, confusion, worry, anything but happiness or smugness. He chuckled a little.

"Duckie, I trust your judgment. I hope you're happy." I was stunned.

"You're not going to try and talk me out of this? You're not worried about me? You're not even going to give me a disapproving look?"

"Nope." He grinned more. I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Are you lying?"

"Bella, shut up. Be happy. Make love. Have fun. Make good choices. Be alive."

"Ugh, Emmett! You had to ruin that!" But I could see the truth behind his words and I could hear the truth resonate from them. I threw myself across the bed and hugged him. He hugged me back with his giant arms. "Love you, Emmy."

"Love you, too, Duckie." He let me go and then got off my bed. "I'm gunna go. I'll see you later." He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"See ya," I said as he left my room.

I laid back on my bed again and stared at my roof. Emmett had turned my music back up and now Best Mistake by Jamison Parker was playing. I listened to it three times over and then fell in and out of sleep until the clock beside my bed read 7:30 and the light that indicated it was in the PM was lit up. I sat up feeling a little misty and wiped the sleep from my eyes. I turned off the iPod dock and I could hear the TV on downstairs.

I got up off my bed and walked down to the living room while I slowly woke up fully. Alice was sitting in one corner of the couch with an afghan thrown over her petite body and Jasper was beside her, rubbing her back. The DVD case on the coffee table told me they were watching _Lords of Dog Town_. I walked over to the couch and plopped down beside Jasper. I swung my feet up onto his lap and with his free hand he started massaging my right foot. I let out a content sigh.

On the screen some sun-bleached boys rode skateboards up and down the sides of an empty swimming pool. They cat called and tried to out-do each other. "How's the movie?"

"It's actually quite good. To be honest I was dreading having to watch it, but now I can see its relevance," Jasper said.

I loved that about Jasper, his ability to empathize with every generation, feeling, problem, story. He could always understand. That was why it was so easy for him to be with Alice. He could very simply get everything about her, not only understand her, but was sensitive to her in a way no one else was. Not me, not Charlie.

I'd never seen the movie that was playing so I decided I'd leave the room for now. There was no point in watching it halfway through. I wanted the full effected. I wiggled my toes and Jasper let go of my foot. "Merci," I told him and he tilted his head in a very gentlemanly fashion. I pushed myself up off the couch and went out back.

The night time air hadn't changed much. There was no movement, not a single breeze. I sat on our couch-swing and pushed myself back and forth with my feet. My eyes were mesmerized by the patterns of green grass rolling by. Then there was a tap on my shoulder. I looked up into my gold and green forests. I let out a relieved sigh, and tension I hadn't known was there fell from my shoulders.

"I'm sorry I started a fight in your bedroom."

"It's fine. No one was hurt, we all made up," I said a bit breathlessly. He smiled and took a seat next to me. He took my left hand in his and played with the string around my middle finger. The feeling of someone else touching it ran shivers down my spine.

"Why do you wear this?" he asked me.

"It's a reminder." Memories of Cory were being dragged up to the front of my mind and it hurt my head and heart to see him, but Edward's hand on mine kept most of the pain at bay. It was bearable to talk about my past with him. I was glad he had this effect on me. I needed to get these stories out, and I knew if anyone needed to hear them, it was Edward.

"A reminder of what? To buy bread? Call someone?"

"A reminder of a mutual agreement between Cory and me. A plan to be together forever. Obviously, I don't plan to be with him anymore, but I just keep the string so that I know that I am not unwanted. To keep myself believing I'm good enough." He kissed my palm.

"Was it always on this finger?"

"No, I moved it a day after the funeral." He kissed my palm again.

"I want us to have that," he whispered against my fingers. Didn't I want this too? Hadn't I seen a little girl with his curls and my eyes? Was that what I wanted or just my teenage hormones talking? This was my brain trying to reason everything. But isn't it known that love is irrational. "Don't feel rushed," he looked at me and saw my internal battle. There was still a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Something deep down within me told me I wanted to see this face every day. To make sure he was always happy and always safe. And I knew that it sure as hell wasn't teenage hormones. But brain had to put its two sense in. We hardly knew each other. What if it turned out we couldn't even spend an entire day together without wanting to be somewhere else with someone else? Cory and I had known everything about each other. We could have been married and together for fifty years. Edward and I were still testing the waters. But, when I wrapped everything up and examined it as a whole I realized I wanted just what he wanted.

"I do, too." He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me over and onto his lap. I lowered my head cautiously and pressed my lips solidly against his. His pressed back. He smiled and I smiled too. We broke apart and I rested my forehead against his. He moved his head back and forth, brushing the ends of our noses together.

"Eskimo kisses," he whispered. A light giggle sprang forth from me and he laughed at me. I rested my head on his shoulder and we swung back and forth in silence for a while. And then I heard his voice again, except this time it sounded choked.

"What are we going to do at the end of July?" I pulled away from his shoulder.

"What do you mean?" I whispered. His eyes widened.

"You don't know?" It sounded like more of a statement than a question. He blew out a sorrowful, hurt sigh.

"Edward, what's wrong?" My voice rose in panic. He pulled me back into his embrace and I thought I felt his lips against my hair.

"The end of July I go back to the group home until the adoption goes through."

"What's wrong with that?"

"It's in Virginia." He didn't sound like himself. He sounded mechanical. He was back to being stoic. My backyard filled with anti-air. As the word `Virginia` sank into my mind I couldn`t breathe. I opened my mouth, but I couldn`t seem to suck in. I needed space. I needed water. I needed to scream. I pushed away from Edward and stood up. I could breathe now but it still wasn`t properly. My breaths were quick and shallow.

"Bella?" The distress in his voice made my breaths shallower. Virginia was so far away! And who knew how long the adoption would take? He'd find someone else. I didn't understand why he'd want to be with me while we were this close, surely an entire country between us would let him see that I wasn't actually what he wanted. I was so broken. He was so broken. He needed someone whole. Someone who could help him be whole.

"Bella, you need to sit down. Put your head between your knees. Do you want some water? I'll get you some water." He came over to me and picked me up bridal style and brought me over to the swing. He sat me down and I put my head between my knees. He went inside. I couldn't do this again. I couldn't lose him. That's what my heart said. My brain agreed. It advised me to stop whatever was happening now so that at the end of July I could still go on without much aftermath.

For my sake I had to end this now. It was going to be messy. It was going to hurt. I wasn't going to get up the next day, but the way I saw it there was no way around it. He'd go to Virginia and be gone for months and then come back and he'd have found someone else. Maybe, just maybe, if he came back and he hadn't found someone else we could be together, but until then my mind and my soul couldn't deal with a separation.

I heard him come back outside. I felt him sit beside me. I saw the glass of water he set between my feet. My breathing was back to normal and I did need water. I sat up with the glass and sipped out of it for a few moments. Then I mustered all the energy and strength I had and turned towards him.

"Edward, we can't do this. Not now. Not if you're going to leave." I was shaking. I didn't want to do this. "I'm not strong enough. The adoption could take another three months to –"

"It's due to be complete November twentieth of this year." My heart just sank.

"The time line is not the point. The point is I already can't stand not being around you! I've known you for a week! Can you imagine me not having you after we've spent a month together? And what if you go back to Virginia and find another girl? A better girl. You don't want me to tie you down. I don't want to hurt. I…I don't want to hurt you." He reached over and took my hands in his. His eyes were fierce and determined. I couldn't look away from them.

"Bella, it's just you, I'm not going to find anyone in Virginia, because my life is here in Forks with you. I'll be back, I'll come and visit! I'll work extra hours and send you a plan ticket to come and see me! We can do this. You have to fight for the good things in life. You have to hurt in order to love. And I love you, Bella. And it hurts because I won't be able to give you the nice, easy life Cory would have. If you say this is it, then so be it. But I'm begging you, don't make this the end."

There was no air again. Even though the feeling was there we hadn't actually said the word 'love'. The way it came out of his mouth, like they were the only words he knew, like he'd been saying them to me for years, stopped me in my attempt to carry on with my speech. _And I love you, Bella_. There was no hesitation. I knew he truly meant them, too; our situation didn't exactly put us in the position of him trying to get in my pants.

Could I say it back like that? With that much gusto and meaning? I feared I couldn't. I feared my love wasn't as strong as his. But I had to try. If I could say it like him there was no turning around. Hurt, not hurt, Virginia, Washington, me, him, Cory…nothing would be able to keep me from him. I wouldn't be able to end it. If it sounded weak, felt unfamiliar, then I'd end it now. I refused to hurt him. I couldn't give him second-hand love. He deserved a strong woman. A complete woman. I was neither of those things.

I entwined my fingers with his. I hoped touching him would make the words feel and sound right. I didn't want this to end. I only knew it had to if I couldn't give him everything.

"I love you, Edward." And when I said it I felt years of love roll off my tongue. I knew it had sounded like his confession. They were the only words I knew.


	16. A Girl

Hmm, well this was supposed to a nice holiday present. Didn't work. So, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Even though it's kind of a rough chapter.

Enjoy! :)

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**A Girl**

Two days after my confession I was still on a high. I smiled while I did everything and I found myself humming under my breath. Edward and I had spent the next two days together. We didn't do much. Mostly just sat together. We absorbed each other. Today, however, we couldn't be together. Esme and Carlisle had planned a family-only trip to a water park and so Edward had to go with them. Not that I minded. I loved him and I wanted him by my side all the time, but he was originally here to spend the summer with his aunt and uncle and cousin.

Today I had something I needed to take care of anyway. Even though Edward calmed me right down while he was with me, I was still antsy. Jacob hadn't come over or phoned or even texted any of us since the mishap in my room. Today I was going to La Push to ambush him. I knew he wouldn't take my calls if he was angry enough, and waiting for him to come to me was a ridiculous notion. If he was upset enough it could take weeks for him to come to his senses. So, I borrowed the van from my mother and set off to my second home.

I drove with the windows down and the music full blast. It kept my mind from wandering. As I drove, the clouds over Forks were slowly being blown away. The sun was coming out and heating everything up. I smiled to myself as I drove. The clouds in La Push were gone too, and I was in great spirits as I pulled into Jacob's driveway. I got out and slammed the door behind me. Within seconds Jacob's large frame appeared in the front door.

And then he was bounding towards me. With a smile on his face…?

"Bella! Boy, have I got news for you!" he reached me and picked me up in a hug and spun me around. I was so stunned I could barely register anything.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered as he set me back down on the ground.

"C'mon, let's go out back to the garage. I'll tell you everything there." He grabbed my hand and practically pulled me along behind him. By the time we'd reached the make-shift auto-garage out back I'd managed to compose myself a little and catch up with Jacob's long strides. Inside I sat on the hood of the Rabbit he was fixing up and he sat beside me.

"So what is this wonderful news?" I asked cautiously. Jake smiled over at me and then he was talking a mile a minute.

"I met a girl. Her name's Dakota Puruth and she's amazing. She's smart and funny and she gets along great with Billy. It's hilarious! You should see them talk! And when they disagree they argue. You'll love her. She's got these two cats and they're devils! One of them plays with fire, the other loves water. And she's got this little brother! He's crazy! He loves machines and he does these silly faces that just make you laugh! And she's got a sister who's a year younger. I can't wait for you to meet her!" I was shocked into silence. I was sure my eyes had grown to be about the size of my face. My silence made Jake nervous. "She really is great, Bells."

"Oh, I believe you! Don't get me wrong. She sounds terrific. I'm just…it's only been two days since I've seen you last and already you've found this girl and your meeting her family and she's arguing with Billy. It's taking me a second to wrap my head around." Jake scowled at me.

"Right, I forgot. You and Edward waited a whole, what, six hours?" He got up off the car's hood and started to walk away.

"No, Jake, that's not what I meant! Please don't be as stupid as me! Listen to me please!" he stopped and turned back towards me.

"What, Bella? There's no way you can twist what you just said to not sound hypocritical." I shrank in his glare. I pulled my knees up and rested my forehead on them.

"I know. I'm sorry. Date whoever you want, whenever you want. I won't try and stop you. I won't say anything." I'd come here to patch things up and I'd only made them worse. Figured. I unfolded my body and slipped off the hood. "I'll just go." I started to walk back to the front of the house, but Jacob caught my arm.

"Jeez, Bella. C'mon, don't you at least want lunch before you leave?" I looked into his eyes and saw the same missing I was feeling. I needed my big, warm sun. I couldn't leave while we were both in bad moods. I needed to set everything straight right now, and then I could have fun.

"Jacob, I came here to talk to you. To tell you my decision and I just ended up being completely rude. And now I want to apologize because I know why you said what you said, and felt how you felt. Well, mostly. Dakota really does sound like a great girl and I really do want to meet her. I love you, I want you to be happy, and if she makes you happy – which she seems to be doing – then be with her. I don't care how long you've known her. And lunch would be great." I smiled at him and he returned it.

"Let's get some food."

I sat in Jacob's kitchen while he made me a turkey sandwich. I was finally content. There was absolutely no tension on either of our parts.

"So, Bells, what decision have you come to?" he set the sandwich down in front of me and slid a can of warm pop across the table.

"Edward and I are going to be together. It's going to take some time for the adoption to officially go through, but we're going to get through it together. Virginia is only a plane ride away." he looked up from his own sandwich with wide eyes.

"Virginia?" he whistled under his breath. "You trust him enough for that?"

"Yeah, I do." I was sure of it. He grinned at me.

"You gotta meet Dakota!" I giggled a little at him.

"She's that great?"

"Great doesn't describe her. She's perfect. She can be so blatant. But she's so kind. Just the other day her little sister came into the kitchen complaining about something or other. She sat down right beside her and hugged her till she felt better. God, you'd get along so well!" I smiled at him. He was practically glowing. I wondered if I ever looked like that around Edward.

"I can't wait to meet her. But, I better get going now. Mom and Charlie want to have a family movie night. I'll see you soon, okay?" I made my way to the front door.

"Sure thing, Bells." He hugged me tightly.

On my drive home I could finally relax. Jacob and I were finally good. I could get no happier. Life seemed to be working out.


	17. Bites and Punches

Hello my lovely, loyal readers! So I've got quite a bit to say right now. One is that I'm honestly sorry for this ridiculously long time between posts. I hope After Jacob's First Love made up for, or surpassed in greatness this story.  
One of the major set-back factors I've been up against the last few months was the meltdown of my brandnew computer. I woke up one blistery Sunday morning and guess what! It just woulnd't turn on. I tired everything I could think of to fix it. Nothing worked. So later on the following week, we got my sister's crazy, techy boyfriend over. He diagnosed the problem within a day even though the guy from HP on the phone disagreed. Then HP set us a box. We put the computer tower in the box and sent it off to them. This is the end of February, beginning of March. I did not get my computer back until March 24. And of course during that time period I picked up another course and needed my computer more than ever. I got much less sleep than is necessary becaue I had to go into school and use the computers there every morning. I missed countless lunches because, again, I needed the computers. When we got the tower back it worked and I was happy! But UPS had somehow smashed up the front of it at some point in the computer's journey, and they wouldn't do anything about that. So, we get HP back on the phone. They tell us we can send it back there and they'll put a new face on it. My computer was gone within the week. I got my computer back last Thursday. I finally finished this chapter last night at 12:30 AM. And promptly remembered that I'd forgotten to save my 3,461 words after I'd closed the window. Which is why you're getting this now, and not yesterday or early this morning.

Sigh. Pease excuse that rant. More chapters will come more quickly now. Second semester is easier to work around.

Also, this chapter is dedicated to a few people. First and foremost it's for angstgoddess003 and her amazing story, Wide Awake. After I watched the movie I kind of lost my faith in Twilight and the amazing world that coems with it. It was difficult for me to picture the characters how I orginally had and the rush of new fans who'd never read the book, just wanted to get into Edward's pants and don't know who Stephenie Meyer is really put me out. I'm sorry if I offended anyone there, but it's how I felt and still feel. Her story gave me back my desire to read Twilight fanfiction and to really work harder on my own! Go and find her on livejournal and read!  
It also goes the Stephanie F. who has given my dirty looks and scoffed at me at work when I hadn't posted anything yet. :) You can definitely review my story! I"ve got no limits on who can and cannot leave me reviews!  
And to my best friend, my second sister and one of my thirds, Stephanie! You always have another chapter for me! And you remind me every so often that I've got a fanfic to commit to. Plus, you showed me Wide Awake. L O V E you! :D

Enjoy! :)

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**Bites and Punches**

July was the best and worst month of my life. The best because I spent every waking minute I could with Edward. The worst because I spent every waking moment I could with Edward. During the days my heart would soar. I was almost always in a good mood. But at night, when I was alone, all I could think about was that my good mood was flying to Virginia at the end of the month.

It was July twenty-ninth. Edward flew out on the thirty-first. I was going to be driving with him to Seattle. I did want today to end, but we had plans for the evening. Edward and I had spent the day in La Push on the beach. Now we were back at my house in my living room. Emmett and Rosalie were snuggling on one side of the couch and Alice and Jasper had claimed the loveseat. Edward and I had the other side of the couch. The TV was on but I'm not sure any of us were watching it.

Edward had one arm around me and was drawing calm little circles on my hip. My head was on his shoulder and both my arms were wrapped around his torso. He held me too tight, but I knew it wasn't tight enough. We were all waiting for Jake and Dakota and Quil and Claire to get there. Quil and Claire had started hanging out a little but after a camping and their friendship had morphed into a beautiful relationship.

Tonight we were all going out for some ice cream and then to the movies. A last big bang before Edward left.

"So, what's everyone doing tomorrow?" Rosalie asked, just trying to make small talk. I squeezed Edward tighter and hid my face in his shoulder.

"Bella and I are just going to spend the day together," Edward said.

"Awe, Duckie! He's my cousin! I hardly got to see him. Can't we do something together? Ow! Rosie, why are you hitting me?"

"Emmett, don't be stupid," she hissed at him.

"Oh. Sorry, Bells."

"S'okay, Emmy," I mumbled. "I'm thirsty." I got up and trudged to the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water and then heard someone come in the room. I turned to see Jasper leaning on the island.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"Sure."

"Do you remember that summer went Alice went away to that dance boot camp thing?"

"Yes."

"Remember how upset I was? Do you remember what you and Cory did for me?"

"Yes, we bought stationary for you to write to her on and taped you a message from her." He pulled a small purple wrapped box from behind his back and handed it to me.

"From me and Alice, with love. You get the next part on August first."

I took the box and pealed the wrapping paper off. Inside there was a stationary set. The paper was cream coloured with soft pink cherry blossoms in the top right corner. There was also matching envelopes and a slender silver pen with "Bella Swan" engraved on it in the box. It made me tear up.

"Thank you."

"It was the least we could do. "

With my water in one hand, my stationary in the other and Jasper's arm around my shoulders I walked back to the living room in much better spirits.

Edward noticed the difference right away and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Look what Alice and Jasper gave us." I showed him the stationary. He smiled and pulled me into his lap.

"That's sweet. Did you pick out the paper, Jasper?" I deflected a pillow that came flying at Edward's head.

"Ha-ha., hilarious, Edward. Sorry for hitting you, Bella," Jasper said in a miffed tone.

"That's fine. Here," I put the pen in Edward's hand, "write the address I can write to you at." On the first piece of paper, in perfect hand writing, he wrote: 264 Wicker Rd. 24293 Wise, Virginia. "Thank you," I whispered in a small voice, meant just for him. "I'm spraying your cologne on this later." Edward laughed low and wrapped both arms around me. I leaned back into him. Just as I was getting comfy, Jacob's distinct voice rang through the foyer into the living room. I was up in a second and pulling Edward behind me. I got to the front door and saw…just Jacob. I deflated.

"Hey, Jake," I said in what was probably a very unenthusiastic voice.

"What? I'm not good enough? Well, then I'll just have to pull out my secret weapon!" And he stepped to the side to reveal a girl. She was a few inches taller than me and had long black hair. Not natural like Jacobs, but it fit her perfectly. Her stunning green eyes were outlined in tasteful, black mascara and her full lips were glossy.

"Hi, I'm Dakota." All my energy was back. Alice had already pranced up to her and given her a hug.

"Bonjour! I'm Alice, this is Jasper." Jasper titled his head to her.

"Hello. I'm Bella and this is Edward." I smiled broadly at her and she returned every inch of it. Edward lifted a hand in greeting and she returned that, too.

"And I am Emmett the Great, accompanied by Rosalie the Greater!" We all rolled our eyes. Dakota laughed.

"Finally I get to meet all of you! Jake talks about you so much. Especially you, Bella." Everyone looked at me. I blushed at the attention. Dakota laughed again. "You weren't lying," she was saying to Jake. "Red as that old truck you have out back!" Embarrassed, I blushed harder and tried to glare at Jake.

"Jacob Eli Black. You'll pay. Dakota, would you like to hear a funny Halloween story?" Before she could respond Jake had me under one arm with a hand placed firmly over my mouth.

"Okay, everyone, calm down," Jasper said as he came over and helped me escape Jacob's arms. Everyone was laughing at me, including Edward. I glared at them all and they laughed harder.

"Guys, come one. It's really not that funny." Somehow this just made them laugh harder. "Fine." I grabbed the keys to the van and went to walk out the door. As I opened it Quil and Claire walked up the front steps. I smiled at them. "Perfect timing! We're ready to leave." Quil looked past me to everyone laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

I sent them a cold glare again. "Nothing. Let's go." The three of us got into the van and were closely followed by Edward, Dakota and Jacob. Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper got into Emmett's truck. They were all still chuckling.

When everyone was in the right vehicle we set off for Port Angeles. On the ride over I got to really meet Dakota.

She didn't live on the reserve, she was the same age as us and she loved ice cream. She told us stories about her childhood that made us laugh and we did the same for her. She loved the travel and she had a flair for writing. She was aspiring to be a lawyer. She was very blatant and sarcastic and it was hard not to warm up to her right away.

Looking back at the two couples in my van through the rearview mirror was so odd. They both leaned against each other and they looked like two puzzle pieces. They fit so well in the other's arms there was no way anyone else could possibly take their spot. They moved in sync, too. When Jacob moved to put his arm around Dakota she automatically moved in just the right way so that they fell back in place, new puzzle pieces. When Quil shifted Claire did to, at the same time and with the same movements without any type of communication. I knew Rose and Emmett didn't move like that. Neither did Alice and Jasper. And their relationships weren't less than these.

_Crazy reserve kids. _

"…and then I read, 'my friend has problems,' from the book and my best friend just fell off the bed! We were laughing so hard we couldn't get up for five minutes!" Dakota was telling us another one of her childhood stories. Jacob sat laughing heartily next to her. I was laughing mostly at how taken he was with her.

They were so comfortable around each other. Like they'd been together years instead of weeks. When she spoke to Jacob she didn't try to hide anything, nothing embarrassed her. I could see the same kind of sincerity when Quil and Claire spoke to each other, too.

When we got to Port Angeles I parked on a side street. The sun was setting now and it glittered off the water like Alice's dance make-up. Edward met me on the side walk and took my hand. My hand fit so properly in his. My body responded so naturally to him being close. I didn't have to analyze every move I made. Being with Edward was so easy. It was like breathing or blinking.

I looked up at him he looked down at me and we smiled. He leaned down and kissed me. I absorbed every particle of love he put in to it. Kind of like a battery for when he was gone. I turned towards him and pull him closer by the waist and he put his arms around me.

Our lips mashed together and the kiss deepened. Edward's hands came up to my hair and started twirling the longest pieces between his fingers. I pulled him even closer. We didn't usually show much PDA other than hand-holding, but to show anyone who was passing by our passion, to show everyone our love made it that much more real for me, and that would help me when he was gone.

"Ahem!" The close proximity of the voice startled me and I jumped and bit Edward's lip. He stumbled backwards, tripped on a crack in the sidewalk and fell on his butt. I turned to see that the passengers of Emmett's van had joined us. They were all laughing at us. Emmett was not a foot away from me laughing so hard I was almost concerned for his well being. Then I turned to Edward and saw blood dripping from his mouth. Like I said, _almost_.

Edward got up and glared at Emmett with annoyance.

"Sometimes I wish I could read your mind so that when you get fucking stupid plans I can warn you before you follow through with them," he spat at Emmett before actually spitting blood on to the street.

* * *

Edward's lip wouldn't stop bleeding as we walked to the ice cream parlor. We stopped in a drug store where I could buy Kleenex so I could just clean up the cut and see how bad it was.

Edward and I sat on the bench outside the shop. I didn't want ice cream any more. The sight of blood was making me a bit sick, and I felt too bad after biting my boyfriend's lip open. I cleaned away the blood that had pooled around his bottom lip inside and outside. Then I realized I'd bitten right through. There was a thin line about half an inch long, right under his bottom lip, almost centered. I quickly grabbed more Kleenex and started applying pressure to stop the blood.

"What's wrong, Bella? How bad is it?" Edward asked around my fussing.

"I…I bit right through your lip! I'm sorry, Edward." I kept dabbing at his lip trying to get the cut to clot. To my complete astonishment he smiled. "What?" I asked exasperatedly. He smiled wider.

"I finally have a scar with a story I don't mind telling. And whenever I see myself in a mirror or lick my lips or bite my cheek or smile, I'll think of you more than I already was." I'd made my mark on Edward's life physically just as almost everyone else had. But this time it wasn't a cigar burn or a quickly pulled knife. I smiled at him, too. He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine lightly, trying to keep blood of them. I wanted to just say, "Screw the cut! I need to kiss you right now!" but everyone came out of the shop and we needed to get going if we wanted to make the movie on time.

Fifteen minutes later we were outside of a brick building. The sign above the big, brassy entrance doors read: ort Angel ' Cinem. The broken sign was somewhat comforting. It had needed something fixed since I'd started coming here when I was eight-years-old and I could sit through an entire movie.

When we entered the theater there wasn't many people there yet. This was good because we got to pick our seats and weren't scattered throughout the theater. We picked ten seats smack dab in the middle of the room. While we waited for the movie we laughed and talked and passed around the goodies. When the lights finally dimmed out the theater was almost full.

It was a rather unimpressive movie in my opinion. Two grown men acting like children. Though, admittedly, there were some extremely funny parts. But it took my mind off of Edward leaving. Off of the space beside me that would be empty too soon. And anything that could do that was just super in my books.

We left the theater and the sun had gone down completely. Wind was coming off the water and swirling around my bar arms and legs. Edward took off his sweater and slipped it over my head. It was too long in the arms and almost covered my shorts. Edward only had a t-shirt on under it, but it was so warm from him wearing it and smelled so intensely like him that I couldn't refuse it. The cool air didn't seem to be affecting him anyway.

We walked more in couples than we had on the way to the theater. Emmett and Rosalie lead us with out about six feet between them and the next couple and so on and so forth until Edward and I who brought up the rear. We walked with Edward's arm around my shoulders and me slightly leaning on him. We talked quietly about the movie and what we thought about it. That is until we passed a bar. A man standing outside whistled at me as we walked by.

Edward stopped dead in his tracks. His whole body tensed and he turned to the man. I grabbed his arm before he could go anywhere.

"No, Edward, don't. He's drunk. Please don't start a fight. I just want to go home." I might have been able to get him to walk away, but the man spoke up.

"Look at those legs! I'd like to get between those!" That was it, that was all it took. Edward escaped my pathetic grasp and started to walk towards the drunken man. To be honest though, I'm not sure I would have stopped him if I could.

In five long strides Edward was in front of the man and without hesitation he drew back his fist and punch the man square in the nose. The man stumbled back, but wasn't down. He regained his balance and wiped away the blood that was dripping profusely from his nose. He snarled at Edward and reached in his pocket.

"Punk ass kid! Think you're hot stuff?" He pulled a switchblade form his pocket. With a quick flick of his wrist the blade sprang out. I screamed. All I could think about was Edward behind some nameless high school picking the wrong fight.

I wasn't sure what to do! I turned to see where everyone else was. They were a block and a bit past us. The man took a step forward and Edward didn't move. I screamed again. This time it did not go unnoticed. The couple who had been walking in front of us – Jacob and Dakota – stopped and turned to see what was wrong. Jacob yelled something but I wasn't sure what it was or who it was directed at because now I was staring at Edward and the drunk circling each other.

Then the man moved forward in what I'm sure he thought was a swift, decisive motion but was really hesitant, slow and kind of sideways. Edward easily stepped out of the way and pushed him to the ground. The man let out a yell. When he got back up he started swing the blade angrily, not aiming for any particular place anymore. I started backing away, my heart pounding in my ears, my mind over ridden with terrible thoughts.

Emmett and Jacob came running up from behind me at just the right moment. The drunk man was getting Edward too close to the wall for my peace of mind. They grabbed his arms from behind and restrained him. He kicked and struggled and spat, but they held on. Just as I was starting to worry again about what we should do with him, a bouncer came out of the bar.

"Goddamnit, Ernie! One of these days you're going to get fucked up! I can't be here every time you say something about someone else's girl!" He came over and grabbed Ernie by the arm. Jasper and Emmett only let go of him because the bouncer was the same size, if not bigger, than them. The bouncer turned to Edward and said, "Hey, thanks for not doing him in too badly."

Edward was still incredibly tense. He nodded curtly but didn't say a word. The bouncer walked Ernie back inside the bar. Hopefully to call him his very own police cruiser. Jacob and Emmett turned to Edward.

"What'd he say?" Emmett asked. I could see Edward tense even more.

"It doesn't matter now. It's done," I told them. I didn't want for Edward to dwell on it. I walked over and took his hand. "Thanks, guys," I said as we started to walk.

* * *

When we got back to Forks everyone left fairly quickly. Jacob and Dakota got in his Rabbit and took off, Quil started to walk Claire to Carma's house, Emmett drove Rose home and Alice took the van to drop off Jasper at his house. Edward and I sat on the front steps. Neither of us said anything. We looked up at the stars and held hands. I ran a hand up his tense arm and started to massage his shoulder. He let out a defeated air.

He put his arms around my waist and pulled me into his lap. I draped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Can you forgive me for being ridiculous?" he asked.

"You're not ridiculous. But I can forgive you for almost getting arrested the night before your last day here." He snorted into my hair.

"I did not almost get arrested."

"Pfft. If Ernie was so messed up all the time then either that bouncer or someone else would have called the police. And where would all four of you be? Not sitting on my front steps, that's for sure." Edward sighed.

"I couldn't take it. I knew what he was thinking and it made my blood just boil, Bella. No one but me should think about you like that." He squeezed me to him.

"I know," I whispered to him. I snuggled closer to him. I kissed his shoulder and up his neck trying to calm him. It worked for the most part. His shoulders dropped with the release of tension. He kissed the top of my head and drew patterns on my thigh. I soaked in all the love we emitted into my lack-of-Edward battery. "Leave the back door unlocked tonight; I don't know if I'll be able to sleep alone." He nodded against my hair.

We leaned into each other and brought our lips together. I kissed him with intensity and all the love I could put into that one simple gesture. I felt the scabbing cut under his bottom lip and smiled even though I was worried about it hurting him. He smiled, too.


	18. Simple Motions

So, I kind of love this chpater, even though it's supposed to be sad. I hope you can like it, too!  
Seems like time for a little disclaimer update.

Disclaimer: Still down't own Twilight or any characters associated with it. I do own Cory, though. I also do not own any of the songs in his chapter.

Enjoy! :D

* * *

**Simple Motions**

It was my last day. It was his last day. After the next twenty-six hours I would be alone. Or at least as alone as I had been a month ago. It was eight in the morning and I couldn't sleep for another minute. I pulled on some black track pants and a yellow t-shirt from my wardrobe. I caught all my hair up in a messy bun and headed for the back door.

The house was in midmorning quiet. The only sounds were from birds outside and the hum of the fridge. Without even the thought of shoes, I opened the sliding door and stepped out onto the dewy grass. It squished under my feet and clung to me as I walked.

I made my way to the gate between my backyard and Emmett's, opened it and walked right to his back door. It was unlocked as I'd requested so I let myself in and crept as quietly as I could to the guest bedroom. I tapped my fingers against it lightly and it opened almost instantly. Edward's hand appeared around my waist and I was pulled into the room rather roughly. I squealed as I was dropped on the bed.

"Good morning, love." This was the only voice I wanted to hear. I turned onto my side and drank in the sight of my boyfriend. He was wearing nothing but some old beat-up pajama pants. I gasped a little and my heartbeat quickened. He smiled at my reaction, but it didn't reach his sad, sad eyes. I'm sure my eyes looked the same.

"What have we got planned today?" he asked as he ran a hand up and down my side lazily. His question snapped me out of my lusty, Edward-induced thoughts.

I had something I wanted to show him. A place no one else had seen. Not even Cory. I'd found it just after his death and had spent many hours there, grateful for the quiet. It was the only thing I could give him one hundred percent.

"I'm taking you somewhere," I told him. This sparked his interest. He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at me.

"Where do you have in mind?" I threw him a secretive grin and said,

"You'll see. How's your lip?" He leaned down and kissed me. The way he kissed me let me know that his lip was in fact quite fine. It was a long, deep, persuasive kiss. But I wasn't giving in. "Mmm," I hummed my content as he pulled away.

"Where are we going?" he asked again.

"You'll see." He huffed and fell flat on his back. I laughed at him.

* * *

An hour later we had a lunch packed and were on the road. My parents' van bumped along on the side roads I drove it down. Edward sat beside me and played with the radio. After going through every channel that came through – twice – he sat back in his seat and groaned.

"Why is there absolutely nothing but atrocious music on the radio these days?" He was right. I hadn't heard one song playing that I wanted to listen to in even a remote way.

"I bought an iPod adapter. Plug yours in." He pulled out his silver iPod and plugged it into the adapter I fished out from the console between our seats. When he pressed play a light, happy guitar filtered through the speakers. And then a beautiful voice came over the guitar.

Breathe in for luck,  
breathe in so deep,  
this air is blessed,  
you share with me.  
This night is wild,  
so calm and dull,  
these hearts they race,  
from self control.

"What's this?" I asked him.

"Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional."

"I love it." He smiled at me.

"I thought you might." I raised my eyebrows at him and then quickly looked back at the road.

"The other day when you fell asleep reading I looked through your playlists." I laugh/snorted at him.

"Because asking is just too easy."

"Meh," he said and shrugged. "This was more fun. Gave me an adrenaline rush. Knowing you could wake up at any moment and attempt to hurt me." He smirked at me. I scrunched up my nose and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Shut up. If I'm not mistaken I gave you a scar yesterday." He laughed heartily at this.

"Yes, because that counts." So sarcastic. The song switched. Another guitar, this time accompanied by some kind of flute or pipe.

From the first "Hello" you gave to me  
I've done nothing else but smile  
And I know you're in a hurry  
But it's gonna take a while.  
So forgive me if we go slow,  
But there's something I think you should know

I'm going fast as I can, please don't make me rush  
This feeling's coming on way too fast  
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget  
But I'm not ready say, "I love you" yet  
I'm not ready to say "I love you" yet.

Don't push me in too deep,  
I've always been the fool who rushes in.  
I know, you've got to take the pieces one-by-one  
For you've got everything.  
So forgive me if we take time.  
But there's something that's been on my mind.

I'm going fast as I can, please don't make me rush  
This feeling's coming on way too fast  
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget  
But I'm not ready say, "I love you" yet  
I'm not ready to say "I love you" yet.

Oh! There'll be times when I'm mistaken  
There'll be times when we're gonna fight  
But you needn't doubt we can work it out  
And in time we'll get it right.  
So forgive me if we go slow,

But there's something I think you should know...

I'm going fast as I can, please don't make me rush  
This feeling's coming on way too fast  
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget  
But I'm not ready say, "I love you" yet  
I'm not ready to say "I love you" yet.

This time I knew the song and I knew the band. It was the first love song I'd heard that wasn't actually a love song. It was so real. Every time I heard it, it made me smile.

"Great Big Sea is amazing, don't you think?" I asked him. He looked surprised that I knew the band. His slightly slack jaw and widened eyes made me giggle. He fixed his expression to one of determination.

"Okay. We're going to play a game. Name the band and the song." He scrolled through his iPod. The first song he picked I knew after the first line.

You and me, we like the same kind of music.  
That's why we make a good you and me.

"You and me, Plain White T's. Try a bit harder, Edward." He narrowed his eyes playfully and went back to scroll through his songs. His second pick took me the first verse to figure out.

And when I see you,  
I really see you upside down.  
But my brain knows better,  
It picks you up and turns you around.

"Lack of Color by Death Cab for Cutie. You've got good taste, sir."

"As do you, milady." He grinned wickedly and turned back to his playlist. "Okay, last one."

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band  
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man  
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand  
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand.

"Jesus freaks, out in the street. Handing tickets out for God!" I sang the next line to him. "Tiny Dancer, Elton John. Good try, not every seventeen-year-old girl would know that one." I smiled at him. He smiled back and took my hand between the seats. The rest of the ride was mostly quiet. Finally I turned down a road that led to a dead end. I parked the van on the side of the street and got out. Edward followed close behind. There was a trail that led into the forest that surrounded the street. I wasn't interested in it though. I told Edward so.

"We're not bothering with the trail, just so you know." Edward's eyebrows rose in astonishment.

"Really?"

"Yes, we have to go this way." I led him into the forest just left of the trail. The sun was out and there were tons of little flittering bugs under the tree cover. I cursed myself for forgetting bug spray. I guess you forget the essentials when all you can think about is one person. Edward was quiet as we walked through the forest. I chattered on about the book I was currently reading: City of Bones. He chuckled at funny things and caught me when I tripped over hidden roots and mostly just my own feet. After catching me the twelfth time Edward quirked an eyebrow and said,

"How could you ever walk this by yourself?" I was caught off guard a bit and a fleeting feeling of masochism slipped through my body. He must have seen something in my face because he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry." I shook my head to tell him it wasn't his fault, but I didn't try to speak. I was afraid I'd cry. I didn't want to ruin this day that had been going so well so far.

"I'll tell you about it later," I finally managed to get out. I looked up into his eyes. He nodded his head slowly. I reached up and kissed just under this mouth. "Come on, we're almost there." I took him by the hand and led him the last five minutes to the edge of a wide, circular meadow.

Bright yellow and dark purple wild flowers bloomed everywhere and the grass was high and richly green. A butterfly swept from flower to flower and the only sound was the slight breeze through the grass and the trickling of water from a stream on the opposite side from us.

"Wow, this is something else, Bella." He'd come up behind me and pulled me against his chest.

"I've never brought anyone else here," I whispered. His breathing was steady against me.

"Thank you," he whispered. I walked out of his arms and into the open field. I laid down in the grass. It was so long that it hid my entire body when I was flat on my back. Edward was soon beside me, lying on his back, holding one of my hands with one of his.

We spent most of the day like that. And I loved it. I never felt so incredibly in tune with myself or anyone else before that.

Finally, when the sun was high in the sky and I felt like I might actually get some colour on my white body, I decided it was time to tell Edward how I'd found this place.

"It was the spring after Cory died."

"What was?"

"When I found this place. It was by accident. I was just running away. I'm not going to lie to you; I wasn't hoping to come home. When I got here I was just so drained I couldn't get myself to move any more. I had bruises and cuts all over my legs. Both of my palms were raw and bleeding. I still have faint scarring there."

"I've seen it." I nodded at his reply. He would have. They were white and criss-crossed all over my hands.

"I just laid here for most of that day. When I'd gotten back my strength I went back into the forest and ran again. I made my hands worse; I opened all the cuts on my legs. And do you know where I ended up? Right back in front of my van. I was so frustrated. I remember looking up at the sky and screaming, 'This isn't funny, Cory! I want out! What am I supposed to do all by myself?'" I saw a deep, hurt look grind against Edward's handsome face. He pulled me from my spot a foot beside him to half an inch from him. He turned on his side and clung to me like I was about to evaporate.

I continued. "I came back a month later to see if I could find this place again. I did. Finding the pathway is like a sixth sense. I've never gotten lost trying to find it. After I'd come here a few times I resigned myself to living and I started to use it as a silent place. A place I could come to think or be alone. But every time I came here I was reminded of how I felt the first time.

"Now, though, the only thing I can think is, 'Don't take me away now. Just on more second, just one more minute. I'm not alone.'" His breathing hitched and his fingers started to dig into my soft flesh. "You gave me back my life, Edward."

Suddenly I was on top of him. He was kissing me and holding me even tighter. I kissed him back, matching his vigour. My hands tangled in his hair and his arms let go of my waist to run up and down my sides. All of our emotions were coming out through our lustful actions. I could feel his fear and love and thank. I was fearful and loving and thankful in my touches.

His hands slipped under my shirt and I gasped. He pulled away from my face.

"Too fast?" he asked. I bit my lip and nodded my head, looking away from him in embarrassment. To my utter amazement he chuckled a little and hugged me. He kissed my forehead. "That's fine. A little too fast for me, too. My hands got carried away." I couldn't help but laugh at his playful tone.

Later we danced together through the long grass. We chased each other through the trees lining the meadow. We ate our lunch with our feet in the stream. As the sun went down we held hands and yelled goodbye to the sun, then we laughed and fell side-by-side in the grass again.

"Ugh," Edward groaned. "I always want a smoke this time a day."

"Why don't you kiss me instead," I suggested. In one quick, smooth movement Edward was balancing himself over top of me on one arm, caressing my cheek with the hand of his free arm and gazing deeply into my eyes. I closed my eyes as he got closer and then I felt his lips on mine, and his teeth against my lips and his tongue on my tongue. When he pulled away and I opened my eyes the sun had sunk noticeably lower.

"Whoa," I breathed.

"Yes, I think I could do that instead of having a smoke."

* * *

Half an hour later we were back in the van and Edward was driving now. I had my iPod plugged in.

"It's your turn. I'll play three songs and you have to name the band and title. Ready?" He looked a little too smug for my liking. I was going to wipe the smirk from his face.

"Bring it." I scoffed and pressed play.

What could you possibly see in me?  
Is it my soul hung out to dry?  
I think my dysfunctional family  
Has shaped it throughout my life

What could you possibly like in me?  
Do you like my ability to bend?  
I think my fear of intimacy  
Has shaped the time we spend.

"Your Glasses by Maria Mena!" he nearly shouted. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Correct. Song two coming your way."

Shakedown 1979  
Cool kids never have the time  
On a live wire right up off the street  
You and I should meet.  
Junebug skipping like a stone  
With the headlights pointed at the dawn  
We were sure we'd never see an end to it all.

"That, Bella, is Nineteen Seventy-nine by Smashing Pumpkins. You cannot stump me. I know all music."

"Alright, last song."

If I could, I would fix our wrists together  
In such a fashion that God, Himself, couldn't tear us apart.  
But impossibility knows nothing of compromise  
And hope can only take us so far.

Tracing your outline in my sheets,  
Painting your face on my pillow.  
Faking going to sleep,  
So I can fake waking up to you.

But my hands are tied by miles.

If I could I would, rest our cheeks together,  
So I could hear every word that escapes your mouth.  
And kisses could act as punctuation,  
And I would pray and wait for periods and exclamation points.

Tracing your outline in my sheets,  
Painting your face on my pillow.  
Faking going to sleep,  
So I can fake waking up to you.

My hands are tied.

Tracing your outline in my sheets,  
Painting your face on my pillow.  
Faking going to sleep,  
So I can fake waking up to you.  
But my hands are tied by miles..

"That's…um." His voice trailed off as he thought to himself. Now I was smirking.

"That would be Ti-"

"Tied by Miles. The artist is Goodbye Tomorrow. I told you I was the best." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Fine. We're even now." I put my iPod on random and left it to play music as we drove home.

When we got back to my house the sun was down completely. We got out of the van and walked around my house to the swing in the backyard. We sat together, hands clasped. It felt like a simple day. All the emotions were bare, all our motions were basic, and everywhere we'd been was plain. There was nothing complicated about our connection. We loved each other and that was the one thing we weren't confused or fighting with.

Now we had to do something that should be something simple, quick even. We had to say goodbye. It didn't feel like either of those things. Saying goodbye to Edward was like willingly blowing out a flame I'd finally been able to start in the middle of a blizzard. I need his warmth and I need this light. I rested my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around mine.

"I don't want to let you go, Edward."

"I want to hold on to you forever, Bella."

He laid down on the swing and I laid in front of him. Our noses touched. He rubbed his back forth against mine.

"Eskimo kisses," he whispered. "My mom used to give me those."

For hours we stayed there. I was surprised no one had come to find us, to make sure we were okay, to make sure we were behaving.

We hardly moved until Edward looked past my face and frowned.

"The sun's coming up." His voice cracked from disuse. I frowned like him and buried my face in the front of his shirt, I breathed in his intoxicating scent.

"Stop time?"

"Wish I could." His voice sounded strangled.

"Give me this shirt?"

"It's yours."

We stood up together in the very early morning sun. Edward pulled his shirt off and slipped it over my head. It hung off me. I didn't care. I hugged him and he hugged me back.

"Try to get some sleep." He yawned as he said it. "We're leaving for Seattle at noon. I'll see you then. I love you."

"I love you, too." I was trying my best not to cry. I turned towards the house and sprinted to the backdoor before I could change my mind. There was no way I was getting any sleep. The clock on the digital cable box read 6:37 as I passed it walking to the stairs. Today was going to be horrible.


	19. Goals

Here ya go! I'm actually kind of very proud of this chapter!  
Tell me what you think!

Enjoy :)**

* * *

**

**Goals**

I didn't get any sleep. I laid in bed and listened as everyone else in the house got up and got ready for just another day. I heard Charlie gargling in the bathroom and Alice rummaging through her walk-in closet that was along one of the walls of my bedroom. I heard the TV go on, Renee singing in the kitchen while she used the blender. I didn't know what to do with myself.

Edward's smell wafted around me when I moved. His shirt was the only thing besides underwear and a bra that I was wearing now. The smell of my day old t-shirt and sweats had tainted Edward's sweet, mouth-watering scent. The fresh smell of the meadow had leaked into his shirt, too and I'd quickly discarded anything that smelled like me to get the entire effect.

Every so often I was glancing at the alarm clock in my room. The time went by too quickly. First it was 7:02, and then ten minutes later is 9:40. Now I took a swift, corner-of-eye look at the clock, trying to catch it off-guard, hoping it had just being playing tricks on me.

No such luck.

11:05. Sigh.

I pushed myself up and out of bed. I walked over to my closet and stubbed my toe on the leg of my desk. The sudden jerk of the object sent Knox into a fit. He'd been drifting through his bowl calmly beforehand. I hopped around trying to shake off the pain as Knox flared up and nearly jumped out of the top of the bowl as he sped around in a circle like a maniac. The pain in my foot and my fear for Knox killing himself by accident and my anger and sadness that Edward was leaving all built up and I fell on my floor and let out a sob. The daily noises from the house went on. Life went on. I hated that life got to go on without me.

I was a mess as I sat on my floor, holding my foot, in just Edward's shirt, sobbing. I was crying so hard that I didn't even hear my door open or his footsteps across my floor. All I knew was that suddenly I was being picked up and cradled. Edward's strong arms were holding onto my body as it shook with sobs of pain and sadness. He didn't say anything, just held me and rocked me and rubbed my back.

After a while I gained enough control over myself to compose myself somewhat. I sat up straight and managed to all but cease my tears. Edward set my on the bed beside him. He grabbed the ends of his shirt I was wearing and looked into my eyes. I just lifted my arms above my head. There was absolutely nothing sexual about our actions. He slipped the oversized shirt over my head and threw it on the bed behind me. I sat there in my white bra and yellow underwear and didn't feel self-conscious in anyway.

Edward went over to my closet and pulled out an old, blue sundress I liked to wear on lazy summer days. Then he went to my dresser and pulled out a pair of underwear for me. He helped me put on the dress and then handed me the underwear. I stood up and quickly exchanged the old for the new underneath the dress. Then Edward took me into his arms again.

"It's quarter o twelve," he said mournfully, like he was dying, too.

"We can't go yet," I countered. "You haven't said by to Knox. He'll feel abandoned if you leave without saying goodbye." He chuckled faintly. He let me go and knelt in front of my desk, eye-to-eye with our little, orange fish.

"So this is it, Knox. I've got to go, bud. Take care of Bella? Don't let her stay up too late or do that thing where she bits her lip until it's raw. I have to go away; you need to be the man of the family now." His joking was lacking his joy-filled voice. And when he said the word family I choked up again. He grabbed the fish food from the drawer I kept it in and dropped a pinch of the flakes into Knox's bowl. The feisty fish immediately swam to the top of the water and attacked the multicoloured, non-threatening pieces of food.

Tears were leaking from Edward's eyes as he stood up. I wrapped my arms around one of his and we made our way out of my room and down the stairs.

"Going to the airport," I told the house at large as I slipped on shoes, still holding onto Edward. There was a bustling noise and then all three other occupants of the house burst from the doorway leading to the living room. There were multiple goodbyes thrown around as my family hugged Edward and kissed his cheeks and shook his free hand.

Ten minutes later Edward, Emmett, Carlisle, Esmé and me were packed into their boat-like car. Edward, Emmett and I squished into the backseat like we were ten-year-olds. There was absolutely no room. And we had almost a four hour drive.

I never let go of Edward's hand. Emmett kept saying stuff like, "Ah, it's only four months." I would tense every time and squeeze Edward's hand harder. What a ridiculous amount of time. Although it's got nothing on two years. Eventually Edward did something that made Emmett stop talking. For that I was grateful.

Esmé and Carlisle made s listen to the Dixie Chicks for an entire hour of the drive. Emmett grumbled and huffed the entire time. I said nothing. It was just natural to listen to the twangy voices of the three girls while in a car with Esmé and Carlisle. Usually this familiar atmosphere of the Cullen car would make me calm and at ease. Today, however, it did nothing to sooth my tense body. The whole drive was like a green mile. The plane the executioner, Edward the blade and I the sentenced.

After a while Emmett's short attention span ran out and he started to poke me and elbow me. He tickled my sides and tried to make me play I Spy. Eventually I couldn't take the building tension and without thinking I turned to Emmett and said,

"Fuck off! Just let me be, Emmett." And immediately I regretted it. And I started pleading with him and apologizing to Esmé. "Oh, God! I'm so sorry! Esmé, I didn't mean to swear! Please don't be mad at me, Emmett." I was wailing and drowning in tears. Edward had his arms around me. Esmé reached back and put her hand on my knee trying to calm me down and let me know my foul mouth was forgiven. Emmett was patting my shoulder and telling me that it was alright and he was sorry for bugging me. He just wanted me to smile. Edward was growling, low and quiet in his chest. I ran a hand up and down his chest trying the sooth his anxieties. Ugh, every time I have these breakdowns I break down everyone else to. I was sick of crying and being weak. That's what I'd done after Cory died. This time I would be strong I'd watch Edward go without tears in my eyes and with courage in my heart. And as I thought that, I pictured Edward walking on to the plane, waving goodbye. I cried even harder. Okay, maybe I'd start being strong tomorrow.

I felt like a little child for the next five minutes as everyone in the car aid kind thing to me so I'd stop crying. I apologized to them once more after I'd stopped crying. Edward didn't lose his hold on me. I sat in his secure arms the rest of the trip, trying to stay awake so I didn't miss a second of him.

Then suddenly we were outside of the airport, parking in a temporary parking lot and unloading Edward's things from the car to a cart. Carlisle pushed the cart as we all walked into the huge white stone and glass building. It was so incredibly noisy. Babies were crying and people were reuniting and some were exclaiming loudly about the amazing trip they'd just come back from.

A week in Jamaica! Amazing!

Carlisle and the cart lead us through the crowds of people to the security check where I was told that this was as far as I could go. I tried my best to be strong and hug him goodbye and promise to write and call. I managed to keep my tears to small streams as opposed to rivers. I also kept my breathing under control. This was something I was very proud of because every time I breathed in all I could smell was Edward and then I'd start to hyperventilate, knowing that this scent would be gone within seconds.

He kissed me and smothered his face in my hair and whispered in my ear, "Twenty-nine days, by the way. All thanks to you." He hadn't smoked in that long. And I knew it was a big feat for him. I'd been there through the entire process of quitting. For a week he was constantly eating Gummie Bears, just to have something to occupy his mouth. He must have spent thirty dollars on them. And I'd been there through the aggressive, putout behaviour he adopted whenever he got a craving. It was hard for me to see him struggle; I couldn't imagine the actual struggle. I kissed him full on the mouth in front of everyone, not caring who saw.

And then he hugged and kissed his aunt, uncle and cousin and slipped unceremoniously through the metal detector. I was still crying and watching him as he gathered his carryon and belt on the other side of security and started to walk away. But I couldn't let him go just yet. Without my feet consulting my brain they started running towards the metal detector and my mouth was shouting, "Wait! Edward, wait!" Emmett grabbed me around the waist and caught me just as I was about to hurtle myself past the security guards.

"Don't, Bella! You're not thinking clearly." I tried to pull away from him and run to Edward who had turned around at the sound of my voice and was wearing a very broken expression.

"Please!" I just wanted to hold him one more time! He was leaving without me, just like Cory. Why couldn't he take me with him? Any part of me! And then it struck me. I stopped struggling and untied the string from my finger. I held it out to an officer who was blocking my way to the metal detector. "Please, can you give this to that boy over there? The one with the messy hair?" He eyed the string, trying to figure out what it could be. Was it a threat? Was it dangerous? Could it hold some secret codes? "Oh, for fuck's sake! It's a piece of string! Just give it to him." I just could not control my mouth today. The officer was taken aback and a bit peeved at my nasty words, but he took the string and brought it through to the other side and placed it in Edward's hands. Edward snatched it up quickly and tied it around his ring finger on the left hand. Then he looked up at me and smiled. And he called over the noise of the airport,

"Thanks for the scar! I love you, Bella!"

"I love you, too, Edward!" And everyone surrounding us applauded.

I don't really remember the drive home because I fell asleep. However, when we pulled into my drive way Emmett was laughing wholeheartedly as I woke up. I'd been sleep talking. Something about trees trying to get me. I rolled my eyes and pretended I didn't know why I was dreaming about evil trees. I hugged Emmett goodbye and apologized again for yelling at him and for losing my head in the airport. He waved it off and I went inside. No one tried to make me do anything or talk. I just went straight upstairs and fell asleep again. It was about seven thirty and even though I hadn't eaten anything all day I just wanted to sleep. I just wanted to close my eyes and escape reality. Escape being alone again. Escape waiting.

It didn't take me long to fall asleep but I did battle myself internally, trying to muster up the strength to get up and change into Edward's shirt. I couldn't find the energy so I drifted off into unconsciousness still in my blue dress.

I had strange dreams about planes being eaten by trees and writing and sending letter after letter and no one was sending a reply to them.

I woke up the next morning because my door was slammed. After that I heard distinctive Alice giggling and Jasper shushing. I rolled over and something hard and pointy dug into my back. I let out a disgruntled moan and rolled back onto my face. Then I pulled myself up into a sitting position and searched for whatever I'd laid on top of. I found it sitting on the right side of the bed. An old, black video tape. There was a piece of masking tape on the top and in black market there was written one word: Bella. I snatched it up quickly and ran about my room trying to figure out how to watch it until I realized there was no VHS player or TV in my room. I burst out of my door, nearly hitting an eavesdropping Alice in the face, and booked it to the living room. I sat there looking at the DVD player for five minutes before I realized there was no VHS player here as well. Then I let out a frustrated screech and raced down to the basement. Once down there I started pulling box after box off of the storage shelves searching for our ancient tape player. We had they done this to me?! We had a digital recorder. This stupid tape was not necessary.

Finally I found the clunky old device and hauled it upstairs to the living room. I quickly plugged it in and hooked up all the right wires. I found the right channel on the TV and pressed play. At least it was rewound.

At first there was just a blue screen, but then suddenly there was Edward's face and shoulders and half of his chest, sitting on one of the stools in the kitchen. They must have taped this while I was at work. Which reminded me. I had work at five today. But I didn't let this bother me for too long because now Edward was speaking.

"Hey, Bella!" he was so happy! "The lovely Alice," – she giggled in the back ground – "and illustrious Jasper have suggested I make you a tape. I thought it'd be a good idea, but now that I'm here I'm terrified. I don't know what to say. I know this isn't nearly as good as being together, but, I dunno, maybe this will be a bit comforting. Chances are I'm sitting in my group home in Virginia miss you so much. I'm probably thinking about your blush, which is my favourite, by the way." I couldn't help it, I blushed.

"I'm going to miss seeing your face every day. I'm going to miss waiting for you to get off of work. And I'm going to miss pretending I need a pack of Gummie Bears from the convenience store so that I can visit you at work." I smiled at his confession. "I'm going to miss you singing along to practically every song that comes on the radio when we drive. I still don't know how you do that." He was smiling so wide and so crookedly that I started to laugh a little bit.

"But you should know all these things, Bella. I'm going to miss you. All of you. So I'm going to use this video to help you be okay, because we both know we'll both miss each other. We'd down need to dwell on that. I've got a goal for you to reach every month. After I give you the goal though you need to turn off the tape though, okay? And on the first of next month you can put it back in and get the next goal. Alright?" I nodded, tears pooling in my eyes. Behind the camera Alice was squealing and awing and in typical Jasper style he was shushing her, trying to calm her down so that Edward could go on.

"I love your smile, Bella," Edward was talking now. "I love your eyes when you smile. I love your laugh, it's so infectious. You don't realize it. So, your first goal, should you choose to accept it, is: make August so full of your friends that your thankful for school in September because you'll finally get a break from them. They always make you smile." And then I paused the tape.


	20. Being Without You

I'm the worst updater in the world. Yes, I am aware. Thank you for waiting for quietly.

Enjoy!

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**Being Without You**

I tried my very best to achieve my goal. Edward wanted me to be strong, too. No more tears, just smiles. I could live. He wasn't gone forever.

He had very limited access to a computer. One computer was shared between everyone in the group home and one of them was so addicted to W.O.W that he really took up more time than he was allotted. Edward took his turn on the computer about once a week. I sent him a letter a day. I sent them with an overnight delivery service and picked up extra hours at the convenience store to pay the fees. Edward must have been doing the same because I got pretty regular overnight delivered letters as well.

Every minute of my day was filled with work, friends and family. I hardly had time to think; I'm sure Knox felt a bit abandoned. At night was really the only time I had to let my thoughts wander. That was when I wrote my letters to Edward. The last one I wrote in August went:

_Edward,_

_Missing you. Wish I could kiss you._

Which was how I started every one of my letters to him. And most of the time I got the same thing in reply.

_I'm so exhausted. I've worked my tail off to reach my goal. And I have reached it by the way. I smile every day. You would know. I'm honestly sick of Alice snapping pictures of me every time I so much as grin in her presence. And don't think I don't know that she's some how sending you copies of everyone of them no matter how horrible I look in them. I'm starting to feel like the paparazzi is stalking me._

_However, she is putting a nice project together for her art class this year. Or at least they've started her off into an even bigger project. She's documenting the feelings of all her friends and family on film. She made us sign contracts stating that we can't get mad at her if she doesn't react properly or sensitively to a situation. She needs to take our pictures no matter what._

_Honestly, thought, it's irritating when you get up and go to have breakfast only to be surprise attacked by a midget armed with a flashing camera, explaining that she needs to take pictures of your "grumpy morning face". Really not so awesome._

_Alice and I are going to a party on the reserve tomorrow. It's on the beach with a big bonfire. It's kind of a last hurrah before school starts. I wish you were coming with me, too. I never have much fun at these things._

_I'm enclosing a smile for you._

_Love,_

_Bella_

Once a week Alice would pick out her new favourite smile of mine and give me a copy to send to Edward. It was pretty lame, but he always wrote back with comments that made me smile even more.

The next day was Friday and I worked nine to five. When I came home I spent two hours with Alice who insisted on doing my hair, picking out my clothes and doing my make-up.

To go to the beach.

To sit by a fire.

In the dark.

In make-up that looked non-existent.

Without my boyfriend.

It all seemed a bit redundant to me, but I let her have her fun.

When we arrived at the beach the sun was almost down. It was touching the water and dipping lower and lower by the minute. There were tons of people who had arrived before us already on the beach. A group of people were starting up the bonfire while everyone else stood around with brown beer bottles and clear cooler bottles in their hands dancing to the music coming from some speakers set up on a picnic table. I was terrified before I even got out of the car. I didn't like being around lots of people when Alice dressed me up. I was wearing a green empire waist shirt and my oldest pair of ripped up and torn jean shorts. She straightened my hair and got rid of every wave and kink; it nearly touched my waist. I felt very exposed.

Alice was smiling and handing me her keys and getting out of the car all at the same time. She was drinking and I definitely wasn't. As always I was DD. I got out of the car with my stomach in knots and a longing for Edward. I hated being the only sober one at these parties. Jacob would flirt with every girl there and I had to watch him and make sure he didn't do something he would really regret later.

On top of Jake I had to look after was Alice who like to dance on every available surface when she was drunk. The last time she'd gotten on a log and started dancing, except the log wasn't stable and she nearly fell in the fire. Over the years I'd found her dancing alone in the forest, on top of someone's car, in the ocean, on tables, on chairs, on people and once on a toilet/bathroom counter. That and she lost all rational thought. She could never tell when a boy was ruthlessly flirting with her when she was drunk. She took everything literally so I could never leave her alone for even a second.

We found Jacob in the crowd and headed over to him. Jake spotted us as we walked over to him and Dakota. He smiled at us and Dakota turned to smile at us as well. Alice ran up to them and jumped on Dakota in a huge hug which Dakota returned with enthusiasm. I got to them more slowly and received a hug from Dakota as well.

"We're going to have so much fun!" she called over the music. Alice had left shortly after hugging Dakota to grab herself a beer. Dakota grabbed my hand and pulled me over to where people were dancing to Boom Boom Pow.

"No, no! I can't dance." I told her as I attempted to pull away and get back to Alice.

"Sure you can! Just move your body to the music. It doesn't matter how you look, just have fun," she tried to reason with me.

"Well there's the fact that I fall over nothing all the time and the fact that I just don't have the time. Alice is getting something to drink right now and I've got to watch her. She's a lunatic when she drinks. And I've got to drive her home in one piece."

"Get Jake to watch her."

"Oh no! He can be even worse. He just encourages her. It's horrible."

"Jake's not drinking tonight." I blinked at her in astonishment and contemplated how likely it was that the volume of the music made me hear her words wrong.

"You're joking," I breathed in fascination. A wicked grin consumed her face.

"Not in the slightest."

I glanced over to where Alice was and saw Jake by her side, watching over her obediently. He caught my eye and winked at me. 'Have fun!' he mouthed at me.

I missed Edward and the fun we always had. I missed seeing him in the morning and the afternoon and at night. I'd tried to genuinely accomplish my goal for August, but a lot of the times my smiles felt fake. I wanted to loosen up and smile for real. And in that second I decided to try a few things I'd never tried before: having fun at these parties and alcohol.

I grabbed a bottle of whatever Dakota was drinking and sipped it as I danced with her. It was lemonade with a kick. When it was finished I grabbed another and another until I was slow dancing with Dakota and calling her Dee. Until I was dancing on picnic tables with Alice and Jake was trying to pull us both down.

"Bella," Jake was saying, "you've gotta get down. I have to get you home. Tomorrow's September first, you have more video to watch. How are you going to do that if you're so hung-over you can't open your eyes? And what exactly are you going to tell Renee and Charlie when they ask what's wrong. They were seventeen once, too, you know!"

His words made me stop and I almost tripped over myself with shock. I started thinking. Asking myself question after question. What was I doing? Was I drunk? And, oh God, Edward! What would he think? Was I letting him down? Oh God! In an instant I was sober. What the hell was I doing? I got off the table as quickly as I could without injuring myself and then pulled Alice down after me. Jake was surprised with my speedy recovery and jumped back a few spaces as I rounded on him.

"Alright, here's what's going to happen. Because I was an idiot I need you to drive us to a convenience store so I can buy us each at least two bottles of water and a bottle of aspirin. Then I need you to get us home. Since you and Dakota walked here you can drive Alice's car and keep it over night if that's okay and we'll pick it up tomorrow afternoon. Can you do that for me, Jake?" He smiled at me and started leading me to the car. Alice towed along behind me and Dakota walked beside me chatting my ear off.

An hour later at one thirty in the morning I got myself and a slightly more sober Alice into the house. I got her ready for bed and tucked her in and set a glass of water from the kitchen and two aspirin on her beside table. This was standard procedure and I buzzed through it quickly.

The alcohol I had consumed was making my body feel extremely tired and worn so I set up my beside table like Alice's and fell asleep immediately.

The next day I woke up rather later. Renee and Charlie were sitting in the backyard reading and Alice was lazing on the couch. I started my morning routine by grabbing an apple and heading outside to get the mail. There was one letter addressed to me in Edward's writing. I quickly tore it open and read it. It was shorter then any other letter I'd ever gotten from him. All it said was:

_Bella,_

_Last night I smoked one cigarette and threw up from the taste of it._

_Being without you is making it hard to deal with being without you._

_Love,_

_Edward_

Before I sat down to watch the next part of my video from Edward I wrote down a very quick note to him.

_Edward,_

_Last night I got drunk at a party and now I have the biggest headache I've ever experienced._

_Being without you is making it hard to deal with being without you._

_Love,_

_Bella_


	21. Stress and Cliffs

Yay! I did it. And I dunno. I'm not sure I'm fond of this chapter. You guys tell me what you think. Leave me useful reviews full of what you did and/or didn't like. I need your feedback. It's very important. :)

Enjoy! :D

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**Stress and Cliffs**

I tucked my little note for Edward away and grabbed the black video tape sitting on my desk, waiting for my attention. Alice was still laying on the couch when I walked into the living room. My head was still pounding and now I felt sick to my stomach as well. I made a pact with myself to never drink again. The TV was off so I turned it on and plugged in the VCR. I shoved the video into it and hit play. There on the screen was Edward, sitting in my kitchen. His face bright with sunshine pouring in the windows and with his very own smile.

I wanted to cry and break down, but I knew that crying would do no good now. If I succumbed to the weaker part of me I wasn't sure I could make my way back to the strong me. And then Edward was speaking and my mind went immediately blank.

"I know you can do it, Bella. You are naturally a happy person, I believe." His smile faltered a bit. "This is so much harder than I expected. Saying goodbye to you before I actually have to say goodbye to you is killing me." He was outright frowning now. "Alice, do you mind stopping the tape for a bit? I'll be back in twenty minutes." I panicked, not knowing what was going to happen. The screen went blue.

"What?! No, come back! Alice, where'd he go?"

"Bella, stop yelling. It's too early for this. Keep your voice down."

"It's nearly one thirty in the afternoon." I scoffed at her and then jumped in shock as Edward's face reappeared on the screen. This time marginally happier than when he had left.

"I just took a quick trip to the convenience store. And conveniently my favourite person was there."

"That was horrible, Edward," I said before I realized he couldn't actually hear me.

"Yes, I know. That was horrible." Okay, so we know each other well. That's a good sign. "Anyway, I guess I should give you a goal for September. Work hard in school. This is your last year of high school and it will count the most when colleges and universities are looking at you. At least one of us needs a decent paying job." His smile turned playful. "You can be the bread winner now. Us males have had the hard life for quite some time." What a jerk. But I still laughed and smiled.

"Alright, turn this thing off now. See you on October first. Love you." I hit stop and turned off the TV.

"Great, now that that's done, can you go be noisy somewhere else?" Alice grumbled. She was so grouchy in the morning. Grouchier the usual today because of her hangover. I stuck my tongue out at her and went off to my room to get my note to mail, smiling the whole way and then for a large part of the rest of the afternoon. Even though my stomach was anything but happy.

* * *

My last few days of summer were spent working. They were boring, long days during which Edward's letters were the only thing keeping me going. Edward's video had gotten me thinking. What did I want to do with my life? I really didn't know. Did I even want to go to college? I felt the pressure to go. I felt the pressure to succeed. Both Renee and Charlie had gone to college. I knew Alice planned on it. I couldn't be the only one in the family who failed. Plus, I was tearing my brain apart trying to figure out why Edward had said: "At least one of us needs a decent paying job." Did he not do well in school? Surely money was not an issue, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen had plenty of money to pay for Emmett _and _Edward's tuition. I'd thought about asking him in a letter but it seemed like something I needed to bring up in person, so I could gauge his reaction.

The first day of school I woke up late. It was taking me a while to get back into the swing of things. I rushed out the door with a scrawny lunch thrown in a plastic bag to join Alice in her car, which had been returned to our home without a scratch and a full tank of gas. Jacob was the best.

"Sorry, Ali. I didn't mean to make you wai- OUCH! Jesus Christ, Alice!" My raised voice was due to the fact that Alice had nearly blinded me with the flash of her camera.

"Now don't use that language with me. Remember our contract?" She shook a finger at me as she started the car and drove out of the driveway and on to the road. I huffed and rolled my eyes.

When I got to school it felt just like the typical first day back. People were sitting on picnic-tables talking, people were running at each other from across the quad, excited after not seeing each other for some extended period. Girls were wearing new clothes and boys sported new hair cuts and a little less baby fat than they'd had in June. I didn't have new clothes. I was comfortable with what I knew and felt good in. The only person I wanted to be running to wouldn't be home for another three months. It was a thoroughly dispiriting event.

Alice must have seen something on my face because she linked her arm with mine and pulled me through the quad to a table full of all our friends. Emmett - one of those horrid morning person types - was entertaining everyone with the re-enactment of some show he'd watch the night before. Rosalie was sitting on his lap snickering. Those two had no problem with PDA. Jasper was sitting on Emmett's left with Mike on his left. On the other side of the table sat Toby, Angela and Ben. It looked to me like Toby and I might have the same kind of situation going on. Mac had gone halfway across the country for culinary school and Toby was missing him something fierce. He barely smiled and that disturbed me a bit because Toby always had the widest, happiest smile.

Alice skipped over and squeezed into the space between Mike and Jasper while I sat in the empty spot beside Toby. I leaned my head on his shoulder and he leaned his head on mine. We understood what the other was going through very well.

In the absence of Edward, Mike became vocal about his delusions of me and him again. Not an hour into the lunch period he was sitting way to close for comfort and telling me how "lovely" my hair smelt. I hadn't washed it that morning having been in too much of a rush already. Then as we were walking to English together he tried to take my hand.

"Umm, Mike, what are you doing?"

"Hm, what?" he asked, trying to sound oblivious to my tone of voice.

"Mike Newton, what do you think you're doing?" I stopped walking and turned to face him, my voice raising a decibel. He looked shocked and honestly confused.

"I just thought now that Edward's gone we could get back to us. I missed you." And then he did an extremely pathetic puppy dog pout. My lips tightened, my eyes narrowed, my fists clenched, my nostrils flared. I was livid.

"That's it, Newton. If you insist on living in this make-believe, messed up world I will be forced to get Emmett to force you out of it. Edward and I are still together. And we will be for a very long time. You need to back off and find someone who wants you back, because I don't!" I was nearly yelling and anyone in the immediate vicinity and radiating outward, was frozen to their spot, shocked to the bone by meek Bella yelling. Mike looked the same mix of discomfort, anger and sadness as he had on the way home from camping. But I honestly didn't care. "Grow up, Mike."

I stalked away to class and sat in the very front between Jessica Stanley and Tyler. I didn't look behind me, too afraid I'd see Mike and lose my mind yet again.

When I finally got home I was done. The amount of energy I put into keeping my composure all day had taken its toll on me. I barely managed to stay awake past dinner, and I didn't make it through Alice's rant on stupid girls who use too much hairspray after gym and completely contaminated the changing room air for everyone else. I didn't bother putting on pajamas and I never made it under the covers, though someone draped a blanket over me.

The first week of school was mostly the same, minus my freak out. Word had quickly gotten around that I was seeing a new guy named Edward. His mystery image served as all the water the gossip vine might have needed. I spent a good majority of my time at school trying to find clever places to hide. But it seemed everywhere I went people's eyes found me. I used up all my stores of energy during the day and barely managed to eat and do homework before passing out. I planned to use the weekend to sleep early and wake up late.

On the Sunday, though, I was woken up at eight in the morning when my family shook me a bit and then sat down on my bed. I blurrily peeked at them. Renee was holding a fair-sized cardboard box out to me.

"What's this?" I asked as I sat up.

"We don't know," Charlie said and then took the package from Renee and put it in my lap. "But it's addressed to you. Open it!" I glanced at the address and saw it was written in Edward's writing. I quickly ripped the top of the box open and plunged my hands into the sea of Styrofoam S's. I came out with a card first.

On the front of the card was a picture of a plush bear wearing a birthday hat and holding a present. Above the bear's head it said: Have A Beary Happy Birthday. I looked over to my calendar and saw the date. September 13th. I'd forgotten about my own birthday. I opened the card quickly. It had no more witty/pathetic puns inside, just more of Edward's writing.

_Bella, _

_Happy birthday, love! We're both eighteen now. I'm sorry about this incredibly lame card, but it was all the drug store had unless you wanted one wishing you a speedy recovery from your tonsillectomy. Only 63 more days until I can see you. I miss you and I love you. I hope you like your present. _

_- Edward_

I plunged my hands back into the box and dug around until my fingers closed on a round object. It was heavy so I had to use both hands to pull it out. It was a snow globe. Well, kind of. In the globe part there was a silver crescent moon, the very tip of it joined with the base to hold it in place. Littering the area around the base of the moon, instead of snow, were hundreds of tiny, gold stars. I turned the globe upside down and shook it a bit. When I set it up straight again the stars fell slowly past the moon, their reflective surfaces glittering in the morning light. The base that the globe was on looked like crashing ocean waves in deep blue shades. It looked wicked and terrifying at the same time as majestic and wondrous. There was a small piece of paper taped to the base that said 'play me' with an arrow pointing to a little silver knob. I wound the knob a few times and let it play. Claire de Lune trickled from the elegant gift in my hand. I smiled and cried at the same time while my family - who I'd almost forgotten about - hugged me and congratulated me on making it through 18 years of life. Then they left me alone for a little while before breakfast.

I placed the star globe on my desk next to Knox's tank and wound the song to the beginning. As it played Knox came up to the glass and stared contentedly at the new scenery. I thought he might flare up at it, but he did no such thing. He just stared. I knew he was just a fish, but I think he knew who it was from and I think he knew he liked that person a whole lot. Or maybe I was just wishful and the music was just soothing. It was hard to tell, Knox being a fish and all.

I had a big breakfast with my family, opened their presents at lunch and ate dinner with them and the Cullens. Alice gave me my favourite book - Wuthering Heights - back after being stolen from my shelf and then rebound and covered. It was the best and most sensible gift she'd ever given me. Renee and Charlie gave me a new stationary set because the one Alice and Jasper had given me was running low. From the Cullens I received an expansion pack for Rock Band and a bottle of Eau de Toilette. The only thing that could have made my eighteenth birthday better was to have Edward there. Otherwise, it was amazing. I smiled genuinely and honestly enjoyed myself and the gifts I was given.

That night I fell sleep at a decent enough time for an eighteen-year-old girl, listening to Claire de Lune.

That day managed the get me successfully through the next week. But it couldn't save me forever. Eventually my school work started to pile up and with it stress pressed down on my shoulders. On top of that I still wasn't sure which, if any, colleges I wanted to apply to, and no idea what kind of program I'd apply for if I did. I could see my future looming ahead of me, vast and barren without a career. Edward stood out very clearly, though. He was the only thing with height above level ground. Like a cactus in the desert except not prickly.

As October approached it brought the feeling of defeat and doom. I was behind on my school work and couldn't seem to tell what I wanted to do with my life yet.

Monday the 28th was my breaking point.

I slept in late again, Alice and I were nearly late for the tenth time that month. Thankfully she's a speed demon. In my first class, Spanish, I failed to remember the short essay I was supposed to write over the weekend. If I handed it in the next day there would be a 5 percent deduction from my mark, 5 percent more for every day after that as well. I spent my lunch period in the library typing it up as quickly as I possibly could so I could get it in by the end of the day. In Bio my lab partner was MIA and I had to do an entire dissection on my own. It was terrible. On the drive home we hit a bump and I spilt hot tea all down the front of myself an onto Alice's seats.

I cried all the way home after that.

At one point Alice took out her camera and tried to take a picture of me. I flipped and screamed,

"Stop taking your fucking pictures!" She looked like she was about to remind me of our agreement until she saw my body shaking with the effort of staying together.

When we got home I quickly cleaned Alice's seats even though she protested and told me not to bother. I checked the mail after that, hoping for even just a sentence from Edward. There was no mail for me. I cried harder. Up stairs in my room I realized I had two other essays to work on and an entire chapter of my Law textbook to read.

My whole body was wracking with sobs. I had no control over myself. I hadn't let myself shed one tear for nearly two whole months. Now it was pouring out of me. These weren't little teardrops from my birthday. There was not one single positive feeling going into these fat beads of salt water. Alice looked completely lost as to how to deal with me, so I went to the only person I thought might know a fraction of what I was feeling. I would call Toby. First I reassured Alice I was okay and urged her to go and spent the evening with Jasper like she planned. Then I picked up the phone and called Toby.

He answered on the third ring.

"Hello, Week residence."

"Hey, Toby. It's me, Bella."

"Oh hey, sweetie. What's up? You sound horrible."

"Would you mind just talking to me for a bit?"

"Yeah, sure. Anything specific or do you just want me to ramble?"

"Toby, I miss his so much! And I don't know what to do with my life. I forgot my own birthday, I'm falling behind in my classes, I just scolded myself and almost stained Alice's seats with tea and I flipped at her. I'm a mess. How are you doing this?" I heard a sniffle on the other end.

"I'm not doing half as well as you think."

I was totally shocked and couldn't comprehend exactly what he meant by that. "What?" There was more sniffling and then Toby said,

"Meet me on the La Push cliffs in forty-five minutes? I think we both need to talk." I agreed to meet him and said a quick goodbye.

I apologized to Alice for my earlier outburst, nearly begged her forgiveness. She was only worried about me. I assure her that I was fine and told her I was going to hangout with Toby. Jasper gave me looks that clearly said, _Like hell, you're fine. What's going on? _I left in a quiet and reserved manner in a vain effort to throw Jasper off my scent. It didn't work. His deep blue eyes pierced me to the bone as I left.

I made it to the cliffs by 4:50. Toby was already there, his legs dangling dangerously off the edge. I was scared stiff of the height so I sat beside him two feet back from the edge with my knees pulled up to my chest. Toby reached back and took hold of one of my hands.

"I totally get how hard this is for you. I can't imagine having to go through this twice. Especially with one of them being as permanent as Cory." With the mention of Cory I felt completely sick with myself. I'd hardly thought about him in months. Now, as I pictured his face and remember he and I on these very cliffs, I found that I could do so without going into shock. The void his face used to create was now filled. An Edward shaped filler stood in the void's way. I found it was just peaceful and sweet to remember Cory in such a good light.

I must have been quiet for a while because Toby suddenly squeezed my hand and said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought him up. Do you need to go home?" I looked up into his soft brown eyes and smiled weakly.

"No, I'm fine." There was shock in my voice. This was such a strange concept. Toby looked skeptical at first, but when I told him outright about Cory and I having a picnic right in that very spot, his eyes widened and he gave me one of his pure smiles.

"That boy's made of something special, Bella. Hold on to him tight." I nodded my head in agreement and smiled back. I found that all of my other problems seemed to fade into the background as I looked at Toby. He had his shoulders hunched and his head hung low. His handsome ebony face, usually so exuberant and lively, was blank. Save for the small smile he was giving me. He looked like he was trying to curl in on himself.

"How are you?" I asked him. His smile faltered.

"Mac keeps calling me and telling me all about how much fun he's having and it doesn't seem like he's missing me at all. Mean while I'm sitting here all screwed up. He hasn't said he misses me even once. And I miss him so much, Bella." I squeezed his hand this time.

"Well, have you told him you miss him? Maybe he's afraid to let you know how he feels."

"Bella, he is a gay man who is completely out of the closet. The least of his worries should be telling his boyfriend that he misses him."

"Love can make people irrational. Also, just because he's an out-gay doesn't mean he can't have a real relationship with his boyfriend. By all means it should be the basis for the ability to have a real relationship. And being afraid to speak your feelings is completely typical of any human relationship." At first I got a blank stare from Toby, but after a few seconds he smiled and pulled himself back from the edge to pull me into a huge hug and a smattering of cheek-kisses.

"Girl, you've sure got a way with words."

* * *

When I got home Alice, Jasper, Mom and Charlie were eating dinner. There was a place set for me. I sat down and filled my plate. Mom and Charlie greeted me and asked me how school went. I told them it had been pretty hectic. They told me all about a Halloween party they wanted to plan for the next month. They wanted to go all out. Decorate the house in a gothic type of way, have the whole family dress as vampires. Serve red punch and play dance music.

Under the cover of party planning chaos, Jasper looked over to gauge my emotional situation. I could see he was surprised when I seemed to be genuinely just fine.


End file.
